Being a fat bastard has to have its perks

04/08/14 So today was the day of my crazy appointment. I actually felt sick driving down there. Don’t know why? Guess I’m not great at talking about my feelings. I had to fill out another form asking how well do I sleep, do I worry a lot, do my moods change for no reason. It went on and on and described me quite well apart from the question that asked me if I ever feel suicidal. Good job I bloody don’t beens they never bloody rang me! I knew straight away I didn’t like her. A girl younger than me straight out of university that I expect daddy paid for. No life experience and no idea what shes talking about. She spoke at me and it sounded read straight from a text book. I was just another person coming through the door that she had to spout the same shit too. Nothing felt personal and she did not seem interested in what I had to say just telling me what I am and what I need to do. ‘Is your mum a worrier’ yes ‘then its your mums fault’ Go on the website and listen to the relaxation audio and come back in 2 weeks. Not impressed. I actually feel a little disapointed as part of me was genuinly hoping this might help me in some way!

I got back hungry and wanted to prepare something healthy for lunch but didnt have much in. I need to get some bargain shopping in!! Then I remembered I grow my own these days! I pottered down the garden and got myself some lettuce, tomatoes and chives!! Get me! I could be self sufficant, I just need to get myself a few pigs and hens and then if the zombies attack I'll be just fine!

Today my mortgage finally went over to my name. This is a weight that has finally been lifted I'm hoping this will help me control my stress levels. I never need to see twats name ever again or contatct him ever again. Mr D joked we can kick his ass now and this is something I would of thought of once but not now. Now I don't have to think about him ever again, kicking his ass means I would have to think about him and see him. The good thing is if I ever saw him I know longer have to be pleasant incase he tried to fuck me over with the mortgage. Now I could happily tell him hes a fucking TWAT!!

05/08/14 Today I had D and took him out with J from work and her kid S. We headed to Carsington and it was really nice to have somebody else to go out with! Equally she had a big fat salad like me so there was no temptations as the boys ate big fa sandwhichs! I love somebody I can have a good natter about diets and losing weight as this does seem to take over my life! We did lots of walking today as we parked in the car park quite far so we could get plenty of exercise. This was a great idea on the way. Not so much on the way back when it pissed it down and we all got drenched!! As I was already wet I thought I might as well go for a swim after work. I was pretty tired after work   but dragged my ass for a swim. I prefer the pool thats not in town, its not as busy and parkings free! Its a bit rude that you have to pay to park to go to the leisure centre. Is it not enough that people pay for membership apart from me who gets it free because I'm a fat bastard!! Being a fat bastard has to have its perks after all. The only about this pool is that people dont seem to swim in lengths they seem to swim all over the place. As I'm just trying to get on with my lengths these 2 other folk are swimming in squares. Who the fuck swims in squares? No matter which way I went they seemed to always be in my way!! I'm just trying to bloody swim!!

I then had to dash to get my jabs for my hols! After a mad dash I had to wait around for 40 mins before I even got in to see the nurse! I hate waitinga and I hate lateness! Feeling annoyed!

06/08/14 Oh my gosh feels like I have 2 dead arms!! My arms have been hurting all night so I couldn’t get compfy and I thought Mr D was exaggerating when he had his done last week!

I took D out to a few places today. The rain stayed off so we got plenty of walking in! I didnt give in to an ice cream when he had one and I'm quite a sucker for ice cream so this is a good thing! I'm in a good zone! After losts of walking at the end of the day I took him to the park caf for a hot chocolate and a freddo. For a lad that doesnt walk quick in a lighting flash he'd got out of his seat and stole a cake and rammed half of it in his mouth! I had to apolagise to the lady and paid her for a over priced cake for her to tell me that was a old display cake and he really shouldnt eat it. I couldnt get it off him but the boss came over with a free fresh one! I did break off a bit and had some for myself. It was a good choice D made a chocolatey short bread. Yum I love short bread!

So J from the gym replied to the message I sent her over a week ago with a thumbs up. A thumbs up to the fact I said you looked slender or to the fact were no longer friends on facebook anymore. Not interested. Sod off! Should of blocked all of them. Don’t message me!

Went to the class with the airy fairy zumba lady as its at a good time after Ive been working. J was there from work. (I need some new nicknames for my friends from work as I work closely with 3 ‘J’s and it may get confusing for you) The class was better than I remembered even though it feels like its on a go slow. Like all the moves are a bit slower than they should be but there is plenty of jumping and jumping must be good. There is also plenty of clapping. I hate clapping! It started when I had a dodgy thumb after being dislocated at work and it always then felt weird to clap. Why do we need to clap in a class? Jump, jump, jump CLAP, turn and CLAP, grapevine CLAP . I don’t want to sodding CLAP!!

Me and Mr D headed to Harvestor for dinner. Free salad bar, unlimited diet coke and all the calories are on the menu! Perfect! After pondering over what chicken to eat for what calories and whether to use the calories I’d burned at my class or not (I normally try not to) I went for spit roast chicken with jacket potatoe and piri piri sauce and then headed to the salad bar and this is where all the extra calories creep up on you! Obviously pile up the green stuff but then you have to have a bit of potatoe salad, a bit of coleslaw and then you put the sauce on top with some onion sprinkles and a couple of croutons. So how many calories are in that? The jacket had sour cream on is that in the overall calories? Before you know you actually have no idea how many calories you’ve consumed! Ugh

07/08/14 I went to Butchs class this moring and there was only 6 of us in a big room. How can I hide when there is only 6 of us? She spoke to me a bit today so I must be becoming a regular. People at the gym must think I’m quiet and shy I always keep myself to myself and hide at the back! The class was good I pushed myself harder with the weights today and mad sure I went with the heavier ones every time. She did her usual gossiping throughout the class I tuned out to be honest until I heard her mention about a long haired, bearded Viking looking man ‘just my type’ she said. Now this got my attention this really surprised me, she only ever talked about ladies and ‘Julia’ who I couldn’t work out was her dog or her girlfriend! I deffo didn’t think that would be her cup of tea! I rushed home for a shower and then went to meet mum for some holiday shopping! Needed to keep it as cheap as poss and not to get carried away as I don’t think I really need many new holiday clothes. I needed a few easy cover up items for when I go into temples. Mums worried about me getting burnt and wants me to cover up. I think she imagined me wearing a sari, covering up from head to toe with the locals. Fushia pink and golden trim. I don't think so mum.

08/08/14 One year until  marry the love of my love the amazing Mr D! And I started it by moaning at him that I cant work out the TV downstairs. Why cant it be simple like the old days and you can just turn on your TV. Nope not here, I have to talk to the bloody x box! Sometimes it listens, sometimes it doesn’t! But I could not get it to bloody work! I gave in!

For some reason today I decided to contact one of my old best friends. Ive contacted a few recently, maybe its because I’m a good place now and I can look back on my past and I’m now okay with it all. I unblocked her and spoke to her in the first time in about 4 years. She was my best friend from the age of 11. She was a lodger with me and Twat and she left me in the shit when she wouldn’t give me notice on leaving. All I could think was that she dropped me in it and refused to speak to her. It got nasty she slated Twat and my house and I cut her out. Never forgave her. Turns out that was nearly 4 years ago and today seemed a good day to air it all. She found out about Twat and just wanted to get out the house and then she was going to tell me but after it all getting messy it just all went wrong. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to tell one of your best friends that their boyfriend is a complete scumbag. My life would have been different if I’d known then. I wouldn’t of just paid him 2 grand! But hey I can’t ever hope to rewind the past as I may never have met Mr D! I actually feel good to finally air everything. Im off to see another old friend next week. We’ll see how that one goes.

Mr D ordered his wedding suit today! A year too early I know but the sale was so good and he didnt think he would change too much. He said he would not be putting on anymore weight. Its one more thing we can tick off the list! We let the grooms men know about the sale but I think they think were doing things a bit early. Its not going to be one of those weddings where all the grooms men have to wear exactly the same. Its much more laid back than that! Those kind of weddings make me cringe abit! The them is blue, I think it will look fabulous if they have all different shades of blue suits! Ended the night with a lager and black with my feet up with Mr D and the pooch! Love a Friday night in!

09/08/14 Mr D was at work this morning so I had that Saturday morning dilema do I go to the gym or Willington carboot. The carboot won. I had a potter round and got a red polka dot duvet which will be perfect for bunting material and a chair for the collection of outdoor chairs for the wedding! I will have to visit many carboots in the next year to have enough! I'd not had breakfast which is always a bad move when going to Willington as you have to pass the bacon butty van on the way in. Those smells of bacon and sausages teasing your nostils as you look around stalls and stalls of peoples old junk.  To be honest I very rarely give in to thes vans, mainly becasue I'm too tight and don't want to waste my bargain money on a overpriced greasy sandwhich and a bottle of water that costs about £2!

When I got home I dashed around the place making sure it was clean and tidy for Mr Ds friends to arrive who I'd never met before! Making 2 dashs to aldi for loo roll and such items I wouldnt want to waste my money buying at the local co-op! After running round like a crazy lady Mr D walked in to tell me there werent arriving for another hour and a half. Dashing around for no reason but I guess it would have burned a few extra calories. I was supposed to start my 'Love-Life-Forever' 10 day blast today but there was no way I could spend 2 days not eating and drinking with his chums down. I will have to do it for 7 days instead and anyway these things always start on a Monday!  I cooked up some new boiled new potatoes and fried them in a little olive oil, garlic, red onions and home grown cherry tomaotes with a drop of rice wine vinegar which goes amazing with tomatoes. I made a salad and we got packed burgers and sausages ready for our countryside BBQ. We can't have people coming to visit Derbyshire for the first time and not take them out and about. We are very lucky here that we live in so much amazing beauty! You drive 10 minutes down the road and you hit countryside, I'll never leave Derbyshire. Best place to be! His friends arrived armed with gifts and the girl D didnt seem geeky at all! The guy R was geeky but I'd say on the same level as Mr D they were very happy with there rucksacks heading up the hills of Dovedale whilst me and D were girly gossiping in our sandles behind them. We got on straight away they were really lovely. They bought us such a lovely worded card, chocolates, a bottle and had made us a picture with our names and the date we got engaged. Very sweet!

Originally I'd planned not to drink this weekend to save calories and dont mind being the driver but when I found out how nice they were I fancied a nice night out! Blow the calories! Everyone needs a night out from time to time! We'd been lucky the sun had stayed out so we walked towards town. I have so many dresses in many different sizes and different ones look better at different times. I played safe in a coral number that went in at the waist with a little belt. Hair extentions and slap on I thought I'd scrubbed up okay.

We walked to a real ale pub which is only about 15 minutes away but we dont really go too. Mr D really likes it there but it was ruined for me straight away when I walked in to see a face from my past to someone I hate. Who hurt people that are closest too me, I only hate 3 people. He is one of them, the last time I saw him he had a very smug face and a cunt on his arm. He wasnt looking so smug tonight. The fucking penis, he looked like a 40 year old man! Fucking loser! We then moved on to a few more pubs and had many more beverages. We settled in one of our favourite pubs just before you get into town and I very much enjoyed a few of the blackcurrent lagers they had on tap! I caught a look at myself in the mirror from the side and it wasnt good. How can I go out thinking I'm looking good and then you catch a glimpse from another angle and I look like a round ball! I'm so wide, I'm like double the size of the girl putting on her lippy in the next mirror next to me! Ugh!

We headed home at a reasonable time as we were all hungry. My bloated pink in the mirror look didnt put me off ordering my Indian take away. We had alsorts of goodies. Biriani, curry, nan bread, rice, chips! It was great and we drunkly drifted off watching a good 00s film 'Jack' . Love Robin Williams. Great night!

10/08/14 So at the back of my mind I know that I start my cleanse tomorrow where I don’t eat for 2 days so that only means one thing... I can eat what I want today!! I was planning on cooking everyone a lovely breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon but we were still pretty stuffed from last nights take away. It was miserable outside so there was only really one option, go to the cinema. Normally I'd fill my bag with many goodies but i just grabbed a pack of cookies out the biscuit tin on the way out! The film was pretty average. I offered my cookies round but ate most myself. Mr D told me to be careful as I wont eat my lunch. Meh this was just my breakfast! After the film I nipped to the loo and reaslised I had one cookie left. I sat having a wee and ate my cookie. This is a true sign of a fatty. Sneekily eating a cookie whilst on the toilet! I also lied that I must have left the rest of the cookies at the cinema. Lying about secret cookie eating is the ultimate sign of a fatty! I should be ashamed of myself! I am.

We went for a roast dinner for lunch and then we thought of going to many different places we stuck with what we knew was good! Its a good carvery but always busy we didnt have to wait too long. Normally when I go I'm on some kind of health kick and avoid the mash, roast pots and yorkshire! I know the best bits but I love my veggies so I'm usually okay! Today I was going all out and opted for some crispy roasts, homemade yorkshire and cheesey mash with a good bit of roast beef! I was actually disapointed the roast potatoes were pretty poor and the mash had big bits of raw spring onion! maybe somebody is telling me I should stick to the healthy option! After Mr Ds friends went home the onesies and the box sets came out! We spent the whoe afternoon/evening lazing! Sometimes you just have to be lazy!! Early evening he started making cheese butties whilst I fried up last nights left overs. I hate waste and why would I chuck away such good food? Tasted great! It helps that I have a stomach of iron! Nothing seems to effect me, must be all the years of out of date food. I remember an old boss said to me once when I'd spent a few days off work with food poisioning "I always thought you had a stomach of iron I thought nothing would effect you" Thats becasue you were right I was actually skiving and had extended my weekend party for 2 days extra drinking!

Damn Fucking Rude

28/07/14 Up at 7am and blitzed the kitchen before having my first day on my own taking D out. He seemed to like me, the weather was good so headed for the safe option of Elvaston Castle. I love Elvaston Castle it reminds me of my childhood we used to go there alot and I don’t associate any of the bad times with that place. I took a back route because I thought it would be quieter for him thinking it would lead to the middle bit where there was toilets. We walked on and on down ‘the nature trail’ after walking for quite some while I had no idea where we were and I thought I knew all of the tracks! I decided to head back the way we came and take another route. This took some time and he told me he needed the toilet. He gets anxious if he cant go straight away so I was a little worried but I managed to keep him calm and get him to the loo on time! We fed the ducks and did plenty of walking. I saw a few people I knew along the way and stopped for a chat so the time went by quicker than I expected. I enjoyed it and D didn’t stop smiling so I think I did okay!

 Felt good to be back at Insanity tonight. I felt I worked hard and it felt good. Mrs B is so fit. Everyone at some point gives up on certain exercises. (apparently its impossible to complete the whole thing) Even the fittest stop at quite a few points but Mrs B has got to be in the top 3 of the fittest that rarely stop. Shes a machine!

After insanity I was just going to write on Js wall who I did personal training with to tell her how good she was looking when I realised we were no longer friends on facebook. I messaged her saying 'I was just about to message you saying how slender you were looking tonight when I realised were not friends on here anymore' thought it might be a mistake. I then checked S and Kat and none of them are my friends any longer. It can only be my blog. J has always raved about how great my blog is so they must have got offended when I said none of them had contacted me. Which is only truth and that I said sometimes I felt out of the circle because they talked a lot about babies and catchment areas. Really? Get a fucking grip! Ive only ever been bloody nice! . I thought more of Kat. Sorry I thought I came tonight and paid you £4 of my hard earned money? I also thought I’d bought 2 other people with me who paid there hard earned cash? I think its damn fucking rude! You must of all had a nice little chat together to delete me! I'm sure I was friends with a few others too (who added me!) How fucking grown up of you! Hope you had a nice little chat! Well you know what I’m not going to stop coming to classes why the fuck should I?! But don’t be fucking waving at me or being nice because I tell you now one thing I hate more than anything is 2 faced people!! Now fuck off!

29/07/14 Woke up feeling a little better about things. Fuck them! There not my friends. Mr D described me as a m and m. Hard shell with a soft centre, Im too sensitive for my own good sometimes. My bites had got even bigger and the back of both my legs were swelled up and hard thought I better get myself to the doctors. My mum texted me and said I should mention the referral to the mental health place that I never received a letter from them so I did. He said its a separate company but when I explained that they never replied to my original email, they sent me a letter asking me what service I want. How do I know what service I want? And then made me a appointment for 4 months and told me they’d send a letter but never did! He said I should put a complaint in. So in April I went to the doctors at a very low point and neither the doctors or the mental place made any effort to check I’m okay or even give me a appointment. Thats bullshit! What if I wasn’t okay? What if I was suicidal? That some big hole in the net there! Anyway armed with my antibiotics I went off to work to try and sort out my pay.

My day only got worse. Yes I was on emergency tax and that could be sorted and they can sort out the sleep ins that I wasn’t paid but I was wrong about how much I earn a year. When they put 18-21 on the job that means points not thousands so basically that means they could have put me on anything as I wasn’t working for the council previously I had no idea about the points scale. Confusing and ridiculous. I know I spoke on the phone about my starting wage but thats not very helpful if I signed to a scale. I just wanted to cry. Even though it was only 800 less than I thought I left for the minimum I’d leave for taking a pay cut. I wouldn’t have left for that figure. I was honest with my boss and said I will have to start looking for a new job. She replied and said I have no intention of losing you leave it with me. Which I should really see as a positive Ive been there less than 2 months and its good to know your boss has your back. I was determined that all this was not going to effect my diet and went to the gym. Asked for dance fit and got changed. I got upstairs and it was half way through a different class. I’d got the wrong time and the dumbass on reception didn’t think to tell me that I’d missed dance fit and he’d signed me in to a class that was already half way through. Twat! Went for a swim and didn’t have a pound coin. Bollocks. I fucking hate days like today. I swam anyway and managed to dodge my things getting to wet as you walk through the showers to get to the pool. In the afternoon I was supposed to show my bridesmaids where we were getting married and had booked a appointment but she was ill and cancelled. I struggled to get out of my lull and went home and slept all afternoon. Sometimes I exhaust my own mind over thinking and stressing about things.

My boss texted talking about sleeps in bring extra money and the tax man owes me money and maybe pension has starting taking money out. Neither of that makes any difference that I am on a shiter wage. The only way to make extra money is to work more extra hours but thats not really the point. I really don’t want to start looking but this is a poorer wage that I didn’t sign up for.

Pretty poor day overall.

30/07/14 Had a good plan for taking D out today started off at Carrsington having a good walk round. It was cloudy today but no rain so mananged to stay outside. We then headed to Matlock Bath and mum, Mrs B and my niece were having lunch on the next table. We had to wait ages for food and D was struggling to sit and wait for so long but he did really well. I had a small bowl of chips which I thought was pretty good considering we were at Matlock bath which is full of huge plates of fish, chips and mushy peas! Looking at the menu there wasn’t really any healthy choices I think I panni would have been worse than a small bowl of chips. They weren’t even chip shop chips. Just average fried chips.  As Ds parents cover all food costs I don’t like to spend too much on myself I try and keep it cheap for me and salads are always stupidly expensive! I’m still trying to log all my food in my fitness pal to try and keep me on track so it didn’t seem to affect my day.

Though I didn’t feel down today I still was a little bit within myself. I went to insanity with Mrs B. Kat spoke to me and encouraged me to be on top of my game. I wasn’t rude, I wasn’t nice. Its her class and its a good one so I’ll go and speak as much as I need to but no chit chat. No friendly banter. I saw the other 2 down the end but they don’t interest me. There little group don’t interest me. Being there actually made me feel determined to lose weight. To fucking crack this if theres any doubters out there. Prove them all wrong!

Mr B has always said to me all my friends are nutters. This is true but there honest nutters. I think my intial judgment people is good and I should have stuck with that. My friends are opinated and say it how it is. Fake little groups are not my kind of people. I know my kind of people. Mr D, My brother, my Bessie, my other fave people if Ive been a twat they tell me Ive been a twat! I like this. I love these people.

I ached pretty bad and just had a bubble bath and went upstairs to read my book. Sometimes I like a bit of time to myself. It meant Mr D got a evening of x box so Im sure he wasn’t complaining lol!

31/07/14 I always wake up early with lots of time to get ready but somehow seem to get busy sorting out washing and pottering round and then have a crazy need to get showered and out the door in 5 minutes! I hate being late. I picked up D and we had a lovely time walking round Roliston. I can’t power walk as hes not a fast walker but plenty of walking has got to be better than nothing! Also there was a few hills that were pretty steep. Today seem quite as long as but I still felt shattered afterwards. I was going to go swimming but by the time I got home and tied up a bit I started making fish pie and it was time for Mr D to come home!

E a girl I went to college with who I chat to a lot of facebook as she is also always trying different way to loose weight sent me a message. She was feeling a little down about her weight and asked for some advice on where I get my clothes from as I always dress nice. This really made my day. I gave her some advice and ideas and it made me think maybe I’ll do a special feature on the best way to dress for a fat bird.

Mr D has just been tagged in some of pics of our camping trip a few weeks. Theres a few group pics and I’m right in the middle. A big red blob. I look massive. I look hideous. Wish I’d gone to the gym today.

I’m grumpy tonight, not sure why really. I feel tired and iretable. Mr D keeps talking about how bad the weathers going to be this weekend at the festival and thats put a downer on it. Ive been rushing round trying to get us 90s outfits at last minute for the theme but he says were probably just going to be in waterproofs anyway. Think I’ll have a early night.

01/08/14 Last night as I was starting to drift off my foot started hurting. I had a look and realised there was something in it. I dug around with my tweezers and pin and got out a thorn. I then drifted off to sleep. This morning I woke up and couldn’t walk on it! I got up hobberling around. I needed to pack for Y Not. I went downstairs and the washing needed sorted, the pots needed doing and there was camping stuff everywhere. It all felt a bit overwhelming so I just went back up to bed for a while until I got my arse in gear and ran around for half an hour sorting it all out. I could of easily just stayed in bed feeling sorry for myself, I was going to go the gym but my foot was hurting so I went swimming. Swimming gives me time to make sense of things and plan what I need to do. A swim was perfect for today. Got home and started prepapring things for Y Not Festival! Mr D was going to try and finish a bit early about 5 so I had plenty of time! I chilled out having a bubble bath and painting my nails and then he walked through the door over an hour early! This completly threw me, I thought I had loads of time and now I was just running around like a crazy woman not really doing anything. I wanted to spend lots of time straightening my hair hoping it will be ok for the following day. Things just went down hill. We forgot the tickets and had to go back for them. We dropped off the dog at his mums but left the tent pegs there so we had to go back for them. By the time we arrived it was raining and dragged our stuff all the way and soaked after the first 10 minutes of being there! Our tent was already put up by Mr Ds Bessie which was jolly nice of him. I had a beer in my hand with blackcurent in (the only way I really like to drink lager) which another of his friend had packed with her! The rain wasn’t so bad. I watched a few bands including razorlight and you soon forget that it was miserable! Had a good sing song but was certainly not interested in the main act White Lies. Had to see them a couple of times in the past and I nearly slit my wrists it was that depressing! A little bit pissed we headed to a smaller tent to see Andrew WK. He only had one song so wasn’t sure how he was going to do a whole set! It was very entertaining there was a ugly bald man dancing around the stage in a vest lots of count downs and cheering. Me and Mr D were right on the edge and snook back stage twice just because we could. We could of easily jumped on stage and there was only 2 security guards who were more concerned about people being on each others shoulders! We decided against the stage plan in the end but very tempting!

I actually ate pretty good today though it was disapointning. We had falafal and holumi wrap but it was poor there wasnt much holumi and with all the good food choices it was crap. We did drink a fair few beers and a few snacky items when we got in the tent but not awful after a sess.

 02/08/14 Woke up to it raining hard which was quite relaxing if you ignored the stag party next to us that were moaning about the fact their mate had pissed everywhere! After little sleep I manged to snooze off a little but Mr D got up and chatted to his friends under the gazebo. I popped my head out to see if anything interesting was going on, it wasn’t so I had a relaxing morning to myself reading my book in the tent as it rained outside. It was then time to get ready for the 90s theme despite the weather! Mr Ds friends made some good effort with Captain Planet and ferbies that she’d made from scratch and they were very good. (She does costume design for the west end so there bound to be good!) and me as Geri and Mr D as Luigi. We had no Mario lol. The atmosphere was good and many other Spice girls around the festival were friendly like we had to be because we were all Spice girls! I seemed to have lost everyone so as I strolled round I thought bugger it theres no point in being at a festival if I’m not enjoying the lovely food. Being on my own and nothing to do I found myself at pie minister with a whole choice of amazing sounding pies. I sat there on my own enjoying a pie, I then found Mr D and decided not to tell him about the pie as I knew he’d of wanted me to wait for him! Secret pie eating you don’t get more cliché for a fat bird! We snook off for a nap around 5pm when there wasn’t much on and got changed out of our damp muddy costumes we headed back in time to watch the Fratellies. I’d stopped drinking today quite early on my stomach was already feeling dodgy after not eating what I normally eat so I just didn’t feel like drinking. It got absolutely rammed kids everywhere trying to squeeze into spaces that didn’t excist. I started to get pissed off and constently being shoved passed but it only got worse when I young girl behind me got on a guys shoulders and her muddy wellies kept kicking me in the back. I turned round and said ‘do you mind’ they both looked at me completly blurry eyed and out of it they had no idea what I even said. Fuck heads! At this point we decided to leave and watch nearer the back. Even one of Mr Ds quiet friends had ended up having a go at someone. There are some rude little fuckers in the world! We were not bothered about Dizzy Rascal and headed back to the gazebo where a few of us just chilled out and chatted. I do mean chilled out this evening had gone really cold. I was already sitting their shivering with 4 layers and a blanket over me a knew it was going to be a looong night!!

03/08/14It was a really cold night it took us so long to get to sleep even fully clothed with as many bits as we could find chucked on top of us. We drifted off listening to the stag party and woke up to the posh kids trying to work out their gas cooker. I thought Y Not festival was more of a local folky hippyish festival but I was wrong I should of realised when I saw Dizzy Rascal on the line up really. Its more of a festival for the local posh kids from surrounding Derbyshire areas to where hot pants and put bandanas round there head and get drunk on daddys money. Seriously every young male had a bandana tied round their forehead, who do they think they are Axel Rose? They probably don’t even know who Axel Rose is! Every girl had tiny denim hot pants on. I think if your in between the ages of 14-20 any shape or size you got a free pair with your wrist band when you got in. Seriously get a grip kids, your all just sheep! And denim hot pants do not suit everybody!

I had a few beers to try and get me in the zone and saw a few locla bands. Its good to support the local bands. I was flagging a bit today but the sun was shining. Hot pants were out! (obviously not me just every other person!) We really wanted some good food today and were eyeing up a lot of food to make a good choice. We saw someboday have a lamb wrap with salad and yogurt which looked delicous. We waited it out until we were really hungry and went for the wrap. They had sold out! Disapointed we had a look round and decided to go for some Portuguese grub! Salad, rice with chicken and pork in a tomatoe and courgette sauce. It was yummy and deffo one of the healthier options at the festival! We carried on watching bands I wasn't really interested in. One of the main acts could not sing at all! Yes they had good stage presence and could play their instruments and were good with the crowd! but they could not sing!! Started feeling disapointed! Mr D told the group about my secret pie eating! How embarrasing! Token fat bird sneakily eating a pie! You dont get more cliche than that!! 'Who ate all the pies???'

We then waited even longer. Why did Frank Turner have to be on last? We were shattered and bored of waiting around when 'De La Soul' came on. Some old man Hip Hop act that I'd never heard of. They couldnt be more different to Frank Turner. We really needed a good band to pick us up and get us in the mood but this was not our cup of ta at all! We decided to sod off and sit on some some hay bale. Mr D wasnt feeling good we were both shattered and just decided bugger it we were going home! We'd seen Frank Turner in February so wasnt the end of the world. We left and didnt hit any traffic at all. We zoomed back and we were showered and tucked up in bed before he would have even started!  We were happy thats all that mattered!

I do not share chips!

21/07/14 Didn’t get called in for supply again but even though any extra cash is always nice I was secretly happy I could make plans with my mum! Firstly I went to get weighed and found out I lost 5lb so my hard work before the low worked out for me! And spurred me on to work harder!! My Live Well man doesn’t really have much to say. Hes obviously not very enthusiastic about his job, his phone always goes off at least 3 times in my appointment with him. He could at least put it on silent! He said that it worked out about 3-4 pounds but I knew how much I weighed last week and looked it up and it was 5lb. Thick prick!

Me and mum had a lovely day. She loved our new garden and as a engagement gift bought us some more lovely flowers for it. I’m pleased she likes it shes the first one to see it and normally she can find a fault or 2 but she didn’t give any! We did some sowing were quite creative me and my mum and made some flags for the garden like in the Marks and Spencer advert. We popped to a few shops and nipped in for a brew with my nan and granddad. She always has a diet coke ready for me when I come round.

I was going to go to Kats Insanity class tonight. Mr D was away on training and I had the evening to myself. I was hoping Mrs B was able to come with me but she wasn’t sure if she could so I bottled it and didn’t go. I thought I’d go to the Booby shaking class and then a swim. I arrived to find out the pool closed at 5.30 that really annoyed me as I had just paid for 2 hours parking! Fuckers why does it close at 5.30?! The class was busy in a small room. Full of regulars. Camp man seems to be wearing eye liner today. Booby shaking Hip Hop Lady was wearing batman gym trousers, now that is impressive! I got my nice spot in the middle and as the class got going I started getting more and more annoyed with the lady infront of me! She was all legs and arms all over the place reminded me of Bambi when shes trying to walk! She kept getting closer and closer to me. Arms and legs just missing my fucking face! She skimmed me a few times, could she not feel that? Can she not see in the mirror I’m right behind her? At one point she’d push so far back I was in a Bambi, Posh Spice sandwhich!! And then Booby Shaker was dancing around and she came over to do the twist infront of me. I may like you batman trousers love but I do not want your sweaty crotch near my face!

With Mr D away I had to keep myself amused! I decided I wanted to stick with my hair colour but make it a little spicier! It went a little spicier than planned! Its a little on the bright side! Hmm so much for trying not to colour my hair!

22/07/14 Last day at work ooosshhh! Spent the morning going over the new kids for next year. It was pretty useful for me still being the newbie and finding a bit about the students families, support needs and triggers. We then just had to finish the clean up. Pottering around tidying up. I’d been eyeing up the skip outside all morning. The caretaker had been taking down all of the wooden kids playstuff out of the back and thought I could use some for a bench with the log ends I had at home. I like to think I started a trend as a few people started sniffing around it after I took a few pieces of wood. I wished I wasn’t wearing a long skirt as I’d got right in the skip and got some of the good bits out of the bottom but I couldn’t reach. A couple of the resi staff helped me. They said I should be on the show 'super scrimpers' Its a good show but I’m not sure I’d want to give away too many of my secrets or they’d be no bargains left for me. Skips are something Ive never really done but Kirsty (Allsopp) tells of all the goodies you can get from skips so I feel this is something I should try more in the future. Before I left I met D. He used to come to the school I work at and his mums a supply teacher here. Ive been given the opportunity to do a bit of work with him taking him out in the holidays. Extra dosh and something to do with my 6 weeks! Bonus! 6 weeks off is great if youve got kids or you have plenty of money! Dont get me wrong I’d love to be a lady that lucnches just go to the gym, eat out, get my hair done but unfortunately I can not afford that life style. Really pleased with some extra work!

Mr D took me out for dinner tonight to his fave pub. Its a cool place with real ale and random old shit like broken accordion on the side and candles everywhere. I like it. The menu was full of fabulous homecooked amazing sounding food so I actually surprised myself when I picked one of the healthiest options. I went for steak with a fruity kind of ju, with new potatoes, stilton and watercress. There wasn’t alot of stilton which was good because of the calories but enough for it to taste good. Mr D didn’t even mind that I’d choosen the most expensive thing on the menu. He went for fish and chips which looked equally fabulous. We decided to be good and not go for a pud even though we were very tempted by the cheese board. I actually feel pretty impressed with myself this evening.

23/07/14 I went along to the training the boss had asked me to go along and knew that I really needed to concentrate and take notes. In my old job I knew my stuff. Years of working within behaviour, going to meetings, working with agencies and families I knew my role and above inside out. I even spent time covering on SLT. This job is new to me I need more knowledge. I’m 30 now I need to realise I might actually need to learn things at training and not spend my time writing holiday clothing lists and doodling my latest fancy dress outfit and pretend like I’m just taking notes. (Ive done this for the last 10 years its hard to get out of a bad habbit) The truth is I’m really bad and concentrating and sitting still. At my last job Minge used to time how long I can sit in my seat for and it was never long. Strangely enough my lack of concentration skills is how a few of previous bosses picked up on my dyslexia. The first one I shrugged off but when my next boss said exactly the same thing I thought I better get tested. Its not something I really talk about much I don’t want to get judged on it. Anyway the training was reasonably interesting it was just update on new policies that I’d previously worked with a lot. I could see why the boss wanted me to know it as this was much my bag coming from a family worker background and she wants to keep me up to date. I spoke to some of the school staff I knew after (none of the resi staff were there) and they had no idea what anyone of it was about. It didn’t help that one small Chinese lady spoke incredibly fast and nobody had any idea what she was saying. Surely she couldn’t have been employed as a guest speaker??!

Anyway I zoomed straight off afterwards to get ready and go out with the resi team. Its hard when you go out in the middle of the day as you don’t know exactly how much effort to make but I like to make effort when I go out so plenty of slap and my hair extentions were in. Maxi dress on some flowers in my hair and I was ready. We had a nice meal bought on groupon. (I love a team that like a bargain!) but unfortunately I did not make a healthy choice. Thats the problem if I get to a meal too early. We had 20 minutes to look over the menu and slowly good choice start going at the window the hungrier I get. That why they tell you not to go food shopping when your hungry because you just make bad choices. So I went for fish, chips and mushy peas and it was damn good! Looking at some of the others plates I seemed to make a good choice as some of the others portions didn’t look nearly as generous. I even gave away a few chips which something I would never normally do. I must still be trying to be nice that may have been one of the most generous things ive ever done. I do not share chips! We then went to a bar with 2-4-1 cocktails all the school staff were in there still in the same clothes from training so I gather they came straight out. I felt a little dressed up but knew I wouldn’t have felt nice if I’d not. Obviously I had my usual stash of booze in my handbag. I went to the bar and bought the 2-4-1 mocktails which were just a nice orange combo. Someone asked me what I was drinking and I told them it was a mocktail. They said ‘Oo get you all sensible’ just shows how little these people really dont know me yet. Though I do think its sensible pouring my own vodka in. Its sensible as its saving me lots of pennies! The night was ok it was good to natter to a few folks over a few drinks. One girl I didn’t even know gave me a free cocktail. Bonus! My new team and a few others I don’t even know too well yet told me they have read some of my blog this freaks me out a little as my blog is really like my diary. I hope nobody gets easily offended as I just tend to say whatever I’m thinking. Its strange when I thought about starting a blog about trying to loose weight I didn’t think it would involve so much of my life but its turns out nearly everything I do effects the choices that I make and wheather Im going to lose weight all not.

The Mr came to pick me up about 7ish and when i got out in the fresh air I felt a little more tidderly than I thought I was. I hope the next work night out is a little more hardcore.

24/07/14 Today was the first day I was taking D out with J from work. There are alot of opportunities in our line of work to pick up extra work on the side helping families with a bit of rest bite and taking their child out places. With J going on holiday I was going to be his replacement for 2 weeks so the nice lady was paying both of us for 2 days so he could get used to me. D was a nice chap age 21 and even though he didn’t have a lot of speech he smiled alot of the time and was happy going on walks in the countryside. I came armed with pastries and ate a rather burnt and dry pan au chocalat for breakfast. We went to Carrsington the weather really got hot and even though the walk was pretty slow it was a lovely day in the sunshine. We stopped for lunch in the cafe outside and I made a healthy choice of a healthy turkey sarnie. The wind picked up a lot first taking some of my salad then taking the top of my sandwhich! For gods sake I pick something healthy then the bloody wind takes it ! I wanted that sandwhich! It was a nice days work me and J nattered about work and our up and coming weddings which are both next summer. I wasnt hungover at all and apart from getting a quite badly sunburnt back. (I was hardly going to get my new work collegue or the student to rub in my back was I?!) it was a good day. I did have a ice cream. I didn’t really even think about it partly due to half of my sandwhich blowing away and still being hungry and partly due to it being sooo hot I needed something nice and cold.

No exercise for me tonight! I was pretty pooped and I needed to start making sure everything was ready for Saturday! So I wrote lists!

25/07/14 Got picked up about 9.40 and took D out again with J from work. Today we took him swimming. We went for a nice drive first up to where J lives and used the baths there. It was fun D seemed to really enjoy himself. He seems to be taking to me fine and smiles at me a lot which is nice and I think means he likes me! We were in the pool for over an hour. I was wrinkly and cold but got a fair amount of swimming done. Always good to get some exercise in when you’re getting paid. Double whammy!! Me and J started a game where we had to guess peoples lives. Very stereotypical guessing there jobs and marital status but it was amusing. After lunch where I made a reasonable choice of brie and cranberry Panini it was time to take D home.

That evening we were going to a wedding reception. Mr D wasn’t sure we’d have time to go but I made sure everything was ready for the party. I love going to weddings! I don’t go to nearly enough! Now it didn’t matter that I didn’t know the couple. I didn’t even know the brides name! The groom was somebody Mr D worked with. The first good thing about going to a wedding is you get to wear one of your beautiful dresses and you can go for a fancier than average hair accessories. I love getting dressed up and  went for a floral dress with a messy side bun, swept fringe and a beautiful 40s style feather fascinator. So much nicer than Ive described. Then I look forward to how theve decorated the place, her dress, the first dance and the buffet! Unfortunately it was a very average wedding at a well known golf club in Derby. It was extremely small and probably for a lot of money. They’d tried and had a sweet counter and a photo booth but there was nothing original about it. The dress was boring, the cake standard 3 tier. The outdoor space was small and right next us was all the public eating their dinner. Kids were singing on the microphone and the bride sang a little song. Nobody danced. There were about 50 guests but everyone was happy when the buffet opened. As usual all thoughts of trying to be good were out of the window and I had a place of quiche, chicken goujons and other beautiful little pastry type goodies. We also went back for more. Ugh double badness but the food was pretty nice.  The bride and groom looked happy and thats all that really matters. As long as it was the perfect day for them but it couldn’t have been more opposite to what we wanted. After a little pose with some extra large sunglasses and a crown on in the photo booth we headed for home.

26/07/14 Sooo tired I feel like I haven’t slept properly for so long. I spent the morning making burgers, potatoe salad and cleaning up in a zombie style state. I used all my energy on making the garden look pretty with bunting and setting the table beautifully. At one point I contemplated a nap to sort me out but I just didn’t have enough time not even blasting out some Gaga or Mcfly got me in the zone. I didn’t even spend much time getting ready it was hot and sticky so couldn’t put much slap on, put my extentions in but just went with the side pony. I even had chipped nails, not great for my engagement party! People soon started piling in with bags of food. I was busy cooking in the kitchen and the Mr was on the Barbie. The garden was buzzing was both our families and friends people seemed to be mingling well and enjoying the food. I barely had time to eat I only grazed whilst I busied round. I had a burger and a sausage and that was about it even though I’d made skewers and fish parcels and loads of other goodies. I didn’t have time to drink much either I had a few coors light which I kept forgetting where I’d left them. I wish people would only turn with one thing for the bbq we had a lot of sausages and enough cobs to last us weeks! The ducks would certainly be getting a good feast this week! Me and Mr D started chilling out a bit and mingling more everybody was starting to get merry and I moved on to some peach snapps. Not too strong but a nice Saturday afternoon fruity beverage. People came and went everybody seemed pretty happy and it was pretty bloody fabulous. Mr Ds mum gave us the quote she had got for our wedding it was above what we had in the budget which I thought it would be. An hour later Mr and Mrs D had a chat with me and junior Mr D and told us they would like to pay for us to have the package that they’d got the quote for. It was amazing and would save alot of stressing over putting up marquees and lights and trying to sort out dance floors and geneators. It was a amazing gift! I’m not good at excepting small gifts but this was something else. I said we would pay some of it back which they declined but I will try again at a future date. This really is going to be a amazing wedding but we knew that anyway J

Only the hardcore were left drinking and I really didn’t think I was that bad when my Aunty bought out the bottle of black sambuka. I remember doing some shots and then happily sitting on log ends and playing guitars around our fire pit in the new woodland style back bit of our garden. I also remember having a good cry about my old job and how muched i missed it. Strange how sometimes it takes the truth to come out when your drunk. I cried becasue I missed the kids, I cried becasue I missed having a good job where people relied on me and I was a imporant part of running the place. I miss people coming to me for advice and decsion making. Bloody hell I miss the bloody mad house!

It was exactly how we hoped it would be. (The garden and the party) it goes blurry around that point and I have vague memories of puking up some booze before I hit the sack.

27/07/14 Oh my gosh so hungover today it was unreal! I wondered downstairs about 7am got some water and headed back upstairs I quickly deteriorated. My head did not want to leave the pillow my head fuzzy and feeling sick. After lying awake for hours feeling shit I was sick. Pure booze ugh. Mr D went out for breakfast with his mate that stayed and I stayed in bed feeling sorry for myself. By the time he was back I had a little nibble on some dry bread and thought I was ready for breakfast. Mr D made me a sausage cob and I knew after one bite it didn’t feel right but he’d made for me so I ate it up. 30 minutes later I didn’t even have time to make the bathroom, good job my bin was there. Ugh poor Mr D having to listen to that. More hours ticked by of similar scenarios and Mr D accidently bought me a salt and garlic cob instead of a bit of butter on it. By 6pm I was finally on the mend and we ate left over BBQ food whilst watching a lovely little film. I know Mr D let me watch what I wanted to make me feel better! I heard a few stories of how I fell off a chair and crashed about midnight after telling everyone I was sober. Its very rare I’m ill after drinking especially when I didn’t really drink that much. One of my mates N equally able to drink as much as me was also dog rough and puking. I don’t think black sambuka is for me! Back in bed by 9pm and I didn’t even look at the cleaning I needed to do in the kitchen!

Sweaty velvet bum crack in my face!

14/07/14 I was hoping to get rang up for supply today but I didn’t. Got up and ready but no call which was shit as I’m skint and have made no plans. I decided to squeeze in a quick swim before my class but ended up waiting in the queue for 10 minutes waiting for the dick head receptionist to get off the phone to get through so I had 12 minutes to swim! I tried to swim harder than usual to make it more worth my while but 12 minutes felt a bit pointless. Then there was the mad dash in the changing room to get dry and to my class on time. I felt like I was in a triathlon. I was not very good at it. My sports bra wouldn’t go on because I was still damp so it was all twisted up my back and in my throat. One boob hanging out. My hair bobble snapped and my trousers were on backwards. I left them like that (my trousers not my bra!) not like I haven’t been to class with them backwards before! I dashed down without even looking in a mirror to find the swimming clock was fast. I arrived 5 minutes early and the class started 10 minutes late. FUCKERS!

Can’t snap out of this tired, subdued feeling. I wish I’d been called in to worktoday because all afternoon I’ve just strolled around with this cloud over my head. I took Scruff for a walk and watched as a man sat on a wall not realising anybody was watching and filled his pepsi bottle with vodka. This is exactly what my dad would of done and it made me feel sad. Actually thats wrong my dad didn’t need the pepsi he’d just go to the shop drink it straight and come home and we’d see him slowly deteriate to a drunken slurry mess in the corner. We didn’t really bring friends home much then.

We had a roast tonight because we were a party yesterday and we’d bought a reduced chicken with stuffed breast joint thinking it would be a healthy option. 825 calories for a portion!!!! 8 fucking hundred and 2 5 calories for a bit of chicken and stuffing!! That is crazy. Well I’m not going to make that mistake again! 99% pure fat?! I know that counting calories isn’t always the best way to lose weight but it does make you aware of high some foods are!

15/07/14 I didn’t make the 6.30am class today. My alarm went off, I splashed my face and stood in the garden but I just felt shattered and still had a headache. I got back in bed and snuggled up to Mr D. I made up for it with another double whamy and swam before I went to dance fit.  Hippy boob shaking hip hop lady was wearing a cropped top today. She has quite a round stomach and even though she doesn’t have any hips at all she does have a little meat around the middle. I can’t decide if I think this is good or bad. Kat is super fit and is very strict and on it which I like that but sometimes it does feel like she would never understand how hard it is for someone with weight problems. But then it doesn’t fill you with confidence that the classes your doing with a instructer thats a little round is working you hard enough but on the other hand maybe it means she ‘normal’ and likes her food as well as exercising. There was a woman infront of me this week that was trying to look 'cool' She wore her sunglasses throughout the class and had on a pair of black velvet bottoms and a vintage style top. Your at the gym love what the bloody hell are you doing?! and you obviously can't be exercising very hard if your sunglasses are staying on your face! Its a big room for that class but she still kept getting closer and closer to me. All I could think of is how sweaty she must be in those velvet trousers! She bent over right in my face! No lady I do not want your sweaty velvet bum crack in my face!

Some days I don’t really feel like talking when I got to work today thats how I was feeling. Think I’m feel pretty worn out, all the extra exercising and working late. Sometimes I'm just in my own little world and happy with my own company. We had a nice shift and all headed off to the park for a pinic. The best food weve had since I’ve worked here. Sandwhichs, fruit, crisps and rice krisipie cakes. Not the healthiest but no the worse i tracked it all fine on my fitness pal. It was really nice but I was still happy to get home to the Mr!

16/07/14 Wednesday already whoop! Thats the good thing about cramming 37 hours in to 4 days and not working Mondays. 4 day working week is pretty fucking fabulous! Woke up feeling thinner. Checking out my middle in the mirror definitely looked flater! Oosh on that note I will eat well today and try and work hard at my swim between having my neice. Swim 2 lengths play humpty dumpty with neice. Swim another 2 lengths play dolphins with neice! On my split shift the time between work goes so quick!! Back to work in which felt like an hour. I avoided the chocolate cake, I avoided the chocolate cake, I avoided the chocolate cake! All shift until 10 bloody pm when I gave into the chocolate cake! First just a few loose crumbs at the side but then I tried that chocolate topping which was amazing!! So I had to cut myself a slice and devoired it in seconds! Bugger I was doing so well!! Attempted to calorie count and my fitness pal said I’d only gone over today by 7 calories. I’m really not sure what hidden extras could be hiding in some of this work food I’m eating! Ugh this could be much worse than I think it is!!

17/07/14 Planned to snooze for a little longer this morning but I was dressed and out the door by 8.40am with homemade beef stroganoff already in the slow cooker. I popped to the shops on the way to class and discovered that in the morning the fruit and veg store have lots of things for 20p that need eating!! This will deffo part of my new routine! Bring on the peaches! The class was the same as last week Butch talking about her family, making comments about people she doesn’t like and talking about how people were getting it on on Big Brother last night. Pretty boring stuff but the class is good she works us hard and my arse cheeks are hurting! Thats got to be good!

Back to work I got the cook to give me the raw ingrediants tonight so I could teach the girls how to cook carbonara and do a damn better job off it! He was not pleased as this meant he had to seprate bits out just for the 4 of us which meant him doing 'extra work' Sod off!  Were trying to teach the kids independence here and slapping your disgusting mush on their plates is not helping anybody! It went well the girls did good and our version was much better complete with homemade garlic bread and little chocolate cakes for afterwards. Yup I said cakes L and a scone for supper L  I don’t know how Ive gone from being so motivated to eating pudding and supper at work again?! Why do I let temptations get the better of me?! Going to sleep at work alone disappointed with myself. Mr D rang and told me not worry I will do better tomorrow! Bloody love that man!

18/07/14 Started off a mad busy morning getting all the kids packed with all their stuff for the summer. Me and a student then made scrambled eggs and toast for 4. The other 2 didnt turn up because thay were packing so we had a lot of scrambled eggs to eat! Not the best start to a good day but we threw most of the toast to the birds. I’m absolutely shattered today, it was so hot last night I just kept waking up hot and bothered so I started flagging quite early on in the day. My big plan to do the double class/swim was out the window as I headed straight home at 3pm exhausted. I knew when I got home I was going to be greeted by a massive pile of woodchips for the garden on the drive but I had no idea how big the pile was going. It was massive so I knew exactly what my Friday night was going to consist of! I had half a n hour power nap (I love a good power nap!) got my shorts on and made a start! Digging, wheelbarrowing and emptying at the back of the garden. Its annoying that we’d already spent £90 on bark for the local tree surgeon to tell us he’d do us a load for £20 so now we had more than we knew what to do with! Mr D came home and we didn’t stop shovelling in the sun for hours! I made the rash decision that a easy way to get rid of a lot of woodchips was to do the front garden too. We only had a small lawn at the front so filled the whole thing. On reflection I wasn’t sure if I’d done the right thing! By 9pm we were buggered but there was only a small pile left so we were pretty chuffed and it must of been pretty good exercise!! We decided to have our treat night tonight and I ordered a lamb shaslick set meal whilst the Mr had a curry whilst watching Planet of the Apes. Loads left over but it was bloody lovely! Obviously I didn’t waste the left overs, we’ll save those for tomorrow!!

19/07/14 We woke up to a miserable rainy day out of the window. No Willington today then! I got Mr D up and we went for a nosey around a house clearance. Ive never to been to a house clearance before but after spending a lot of my time watching Kirsty I was hoping for some old dears house full of really old beautiful items but no it was a small modern smelly house in Burton. We didn’t stay long and we left empty handed! I bought some more flowers but it still being miserably and rainy we cosied up inside. We tried much harder to eat healthier. We like a big salad but easily get tempted with breads and cheeses. The sun started to peek out so we had a mad dash outside running around trying to finish off the chippings! We made it and had enough time to get showered and zoom off to the cinema to watch the next Planet of the Apes. It was rammed but it was bloody great! We ate a whole salted popcorn but thats got to be better than peanut m and ms and ice cream right?? I only had to shout at the teenage boys behind me once at a very crucial moment of the film when I could here them talking very loudly about what was about to happen! After what I thought was pretty polite for me when I turned round and shouted for them to 'shut up' They were silent for the rest of the film. I didnt swear that means I was polite.

20/07/14 I had a lie in today didn’t wake up until 9.15am! To be fair I was awake at 5.45 but managed to snooze off which is good for me. No exciting Sunday here straight back in to the garden! 2 hours of cleaning down, weeding and sweeping and finally the garden is starting look pretty good! Even though we had plenty of shopping in I couldn’t resist going for Sunday bargains as I’d not been for a while and it was so worth it! I spent £3.70, that 37 items at 10p each! I got lots of fresh fish I put straight in the freezer. Fruit, salad and all sorts of goodies. Bargains put me in a good mood! At home we finished our mozake garden table. Ha we sound so sad but we finished it together and it looks pretty damn bloody good! The garden is looking pretty damn good ready for our engagment BBQ next weekend. All this gardening has to be good exercise too! Wow I've just reaslised how boring my day sounded!! That deffo will never make my book :)

Buffet was calling me!!

07/07/14 Woke up covered in fucking bites! Itching and scratching the fuckers seem to love me! I must be big and juicey. Bastards! Bloody camping!!

 Went to see my well being officer this morning to get weighed. I got weighed a few weeks ago after my all inclusive hol so was feeling confident that I’d lost to then find out I’d gained a 1lb!! I’d done the check list before getting weighed. 1) No jeans/extra cardigans or any heavy clothing 2) empty pockets no phones or keys 3) always take shoes off 4) only have a yogurt for breakfast and most important 5) Have a poo. This was mega disappointing and rather embarrassing that I’d just been rambling on about doing more classes to put on a fucking pound!! But rather than feeling down about it like I usually would I felt determined!! And went straight to Miss Booby Shaking Hip Hop ladys zumba class. It was nice to go to a zumba class I usually end up doing all the horrible hard classes this days and I forget how much enjoy shaking my thang!! There were 2 really big ladies in class. One had a seat and kept sitting down every 5 mins but I thought it was bloody great that they were there. Both seemed to be on their own and were pushing their big bulk as much as they could. I know Ive found it hard at times being big and walking into classes on my own and getting on with it but I was half of these ladies. Good for them, I hope they fucking smash it!!

Started logging my food on my fitness pal today. Writing it down has always helped me so doing it on the go would be perfect! I am trying to put everything in place to help. I worked out my weight in stone and pounds as I’d been being weighed in kilograms and I was horrified at the result!! I am still around the Christmas weight mark! I only ever see this weight after Ive been filling my face on some kind of week long celebration and even at that its only been a few times. I’m truely gutted that I’m seeing this stone mark again. This time last year I was seeing 2 numbers lower and looking so much better!! I didn’t think I’d got up to this level of fat bastardness again. GUTTED!

08/07/14 Didn’t get back from work until 10.45pm but still got up for boot camp at 6.15am! Oooshh on it like a car bonnet!! Ive got to fucking do this now!! Kat said I looked slimmer than last week round my waist which was reassuring after my bloody 1lb gain! Worked hard for 45 minutes and then the same as last week instead of going back to bed like I thought I’d want to I was up and lively and feeling productive!! I put dinner in the slow cooker. (Quorn sausage casserole) took everything out of the shed and then put it in again in order and tidy and then I cleared up the garden. All this before 9am! I walked into the office at 1pm and it smelt of my most favourite food. The one food I will always struggle to resist. Chip shop chips. Not fries, not any other take away chips only chip shop. It’s a good job that there was none left as it would have took all my will power not to have any. We were lucky the food wasn’t too bad for tea tonight it was fishcake, oven chips with lots of salad and peas. I avoided the newspaper chocolate with no chocolate muffin there’s no way I’m wasting my calories on one of those again! Tonight we had the summer concert that went on for hours and hours. I struggled to sit still for long so how can I expect the students? There was a half an hour session from a musical company on recorders. RECORDERS? Talking about big ones and small ones. Playing a little tune. Bloody hell shoot me now!

09/07/14 I normally feel pretty shattered on a split shift. The break in the middle always goes really quick. I met up with mum and my beautiful niece to go for a swim. She loved the water but I really needed to get some exercise in between playing humpty dumpty, mermaids and sharks! I did enough between having fun splashing around and then headed home for scrambled  eggs, beans and quorn sausages on toast which turned out more calories than I hoped! Back to work to be greeted by a whole tray of doughnuts! Fuck you doughnuts I am strong! I then went out in the community and as usual with this class they went to Mcdonalds on the way home! Everybody put in their orders of big macs and milkshake and fries and me and one skinny member of staff said we didn’t want anything! It was hard and as we pulled into Mcdonalds carpark and smelt the lovely food I changed my mind. I didn’t want to sit there with nothing whilst everybody indulged so I treated myself to a large diet coke! We got back to class and everybody tucked in. It was one of the resi staffs birthdays so then the cake came out! But if I could be strong with Mcdonlds I could be strong with cake too!!

Wednesday evenings are usually activities with the kids outside. We only had small numbers tonight as the kids were leaving at 8pm because of the strike tomorrow. It was a lovely evening and I had a few kids following me round so decided to kill 2 birds with one stone. Actually 3 birds. 1) keep kids entertained 3) keep busy make work go quicker and 3) do some exercise! We set up a circuit class on the assault course and play equipment. We ran, jumped over things, did dips on the benches, did sit up with our feet under the climbing frame and ran up steps.  I managed to keep them entertained with this for about 20 minutes and we did pretty good. The only problem being I was not wearing appropriate exercising underwear and my boobs did hit me in the face on more than one occasion. We got to finish early which was great! Not only did I get back for some quality Mr D cosey box set on the sofa time but I always managed to get a few 10p bargains on the way home too. Whoop!

10/07/14 Strike Day! I was not striking with most the staff today. Mainly because I’d only just joined the school and also because I’d just left Unison because they were a bag of wank when I needed them in my previous job. They didn’t call me back when then said they would and I only got one email from them which was a spam and was just about penis enlargement anyway! Fucking bastards must remember to put in a complaint about them! Anyway as my shift doesn’t start until 1 but the school was closing at 3 because residential was shut that meant I got a full days wage for working 2 hours! Oooosshh! Thank you very much! I went to the beef cake Butchs class this morning and I really enjoyed it. It was similar to Kats total tone but a level down but still good and its the instructer Kat recommended. Butch talks alot she reminds me of a hairdresser. She has full conversations with people on the front row throughout the class. The only problem is Butch is the only one with a microphone so you can only hear one side of the conversation so you have to try and fill in the blanks yourself. I like to fill them in with rude words to make myself giggle and keep myself amused. She talked alot about people she knew calling one guy a ‘jaffa’ because he fires blanks and saying things like ‘You know that Beverly don’t you, I don’t like her shes the one that keeps horses... rah rah rah’ Good job I don’t know any these people. She talked a lot about a friend Julia which initially I thought was her dog when she said it was probably her that ate the boiled egg off her car floor but later on she made me think that this was probably her girlfriend! Fuck knows! But the class was good, I had a good work out!

I got home and went out to walk the pooch and a saw a work man get out his van and go in nextdoor. Now I never forget a face and I remember growing up on the same close as him when I was a kid/teen! I know kids will be kids and boys will be boys but I won’t ever forget some of the cruel things that came out of kids mouths when I was growing up. I can remember exact comments made to me from the age of around 8. I wasn’t even that fat as a kid, I was never skinny but not fat either and I lost all my ‘puppy fat’ at around 14 but I remember him and I remember some of the comments he made to me. You mate ARE A CUNT!!

11/07/14  Today we went on a trip to ‘The Pudding Room’ my plan was to go for the healthiest option. I walked and stood staring at a lovely looking chocolate tart but then I smelt it. Fresh sausage rolls. Mmm you don’t get much better than the smell of sausage rolls fresh out of the oven. I picked that knowing I’d have to work hard at my class later. Oh my god it was good! The best sausage roll I’d ever tasted I quickly texted Mr D and told him a important thing we need for the wedding is good sausage rolls! I was jealous of the ladies next to me who had gone for a sausage roll and a slice of cake but I powered through savouring every mouthful. S next to me discussing a crazy plan for the summer to hardly eat to lose weight. J then asked me how much I weighed. I never tell anyone how much I weigh! Especialy when right now I’m so bloody high! But for some reason right at this moment with this too similar ladies I told them. Turns out S weighs exactly the same as me. Strange how I’m happy to tell these 2 ladies I have only just met something I won’t even tell my mum or Mr D! Also strange how people can be the same weight but look completly different!

Decided to double whammy it and go for a swim before zumba. I got to zumba and the lady from work ( J the one that is just a older version of me!) was there. She always stands at the front right infront of the mirror and wanted me to go with her! No, no, no! I stand at the very back and absolutely never infront of the mirror! I like just hiding away doing my own little thing! But not today I stood at the front with her but to the side so at least I wasn’t infront of the mirror but I just cant be one of the perfect move, pony tail swaying sweatband bearing girls at the front! I am not used to going with people I know and J from work kept saying I can’t believe you’ve got the energy to work so hard. This spured me on more and even though by the end I was feeling a little shattered and worked hard bouncing around throughout!

No time to rest zoomed home to get showered and over to my mums for a celebratory BBQ. Mums just joined slimming world so she put on some amazing grub. Vegetable kebabs, turkey burgers, salmon and chicken! Even a homemade fruit pavaola. I was driving so didn’t even use many calories on booze. It was really lovely celebrating my step bro and his mrs about to become parents, my other step bro and his lady who have just got work for a year in New Zealand, my bro Mr B has just become acting Head Master and obviously me and Mr D getting married! So nice that their is so many good things happening for my family right now and I’m very proud of the lot of us!! Good times indeed!!

12/07/14 Saturday morning I got up bright and early with the sun shining! Sometimes I do go to a class but Saturday morning bargains like to call me instead. Mr D was at work so me and my mum went off to Willington and came back with lots of good priced plants! I worked out at least a spot of gardening will work off a few calories. The Mr came home and after a stir fry and a quick nap we headed for a swim. We tried not to play around too much and did some actual swimming. When it was time to get out there was a Buddha sitting on the steps. Mr D said we’ll just get out at the other steps. Now I didn’t like this at all! Always get out the nearesr steps to the exit so there is the least possible time for people to see me in my swim suit (espically when its wet and clingy this pushes it up way worse on the scale!) Luckily at this pool the steps are right by the ladies changing rooms but as Buddha was still sitting in my way I was going to have to wait it out! Mr D thought this was quite amusing and told me I was being silly and we’ll get out the other end and walk up. Do the walk of shame?! I wasn’t happy about this at all but with Mr D’s encouragement to beat my silly anxieties we got out the other end and I did a quick shuffle casually trying to suck in and cover up the worse areas. I survived!

That evening we packed a disposable BBQ and some of the leftover vegetable kebabs from last night and I took Mr D to black rocks. I used to go there as a kid and I knew he’d like it! I even went organised and took a backpack! Get me being all outdoorsy! I did take the wrong track and didn’t take him to the bit I actually wanted too but we did lots of walking, wore the pooch out and a really lovely evening. As it was treat night we bought some ice cream on the way home and snuggled up on the sofa for some Orange is the New Black. Not very rock and roll but a really lovely day.

13/07/14 We went to watch my step bro do a triathalon this morning hes doing one nearly every week at the moment! That boy is truely hardcore thats some impressive shit right there! Well done!! And well done to his Mrs for having to spend so much time getting up at the crack of dawn to get there on time! This afternoon was one of bessies 30^th birthday garden gathering. As a mum to a 4 month old it was never going to be a crazy one but was a nice time to get her family and friends together. The sun came out just in time and she put on a amazing spread! I didn’t even consider trying to be healthy or stick to my diet nothing crossed my mind at all. BUFFET was calling me!! And it was a bloody good buffet. Chicken goujons, pulled pork rolls, warm sausage rolls and shortbread biscuits. Washed down with a few cheeky afternoon glasses of wine. I enjoyed it very much. Decided not to try and work out the calories on my fitness pal and just sign it off as a write off.

Spent half an hour writing out a little poem for our wedding invites tonight. Covering all the things people will need to bring. It needs a few tweeks but I’m pretty pleased with it. Its not a conventional wedding bringing your willies, a cake and a cool box but hey people surely aren’t expecting our wedding to be conventional. If people don’t like it then they can sod off! Surely anyone who is friend of ours will embrace our slightly whacky ideas and go with it. Other wise your not really much of a friend are you?!

Felt emotional tonight. Its really silly but sometimes when I watch programmes on TV that include heartbreak and cheating they just make me realise how good I’ve got it right now. How lucky I am to have Mr D and for everything to be so great J

Swinging their hips and shaking their tits!

30/06/14 Mr D was a little rough today but we were happy to spend the day together. We went and got some more bark for the garden which sounds so boring but our garden is really starting to look lovely. Don’t get me wrong its a complete ball ache! I just buy things that look pretty I havnt really got a clue about whats best to grow! But gardening is pretty good exercise unfortunately my body was still aching from Insanity so the Mr had to do all the manly work lifting the bags of bark whilst I made a picnic. We went for a lovely healthy picnic I made a bulger wheat salad with bits of feta cheese steak and plenty of greens! Salads are only good if u make an effort with them. Steak is the answer!! We had a lovely afternoon we then headed to Ashbourne to look at wedding caterers. I just nodded politely as they told me very high prices. It would be lovely to go with the lovely local produce but its just too bloody expensive! Someone give me a costco card so I can buy some reels of cheese!! Tonight I cooked a seafood linguini. I bloody love cooking, prawns and trout in a low fat creme fresh sauce with a good hint of chilli. With some wholemeal spaghetti spinach, onions and peas. Must admit it was bloody good! I’m not good at many things but I like to think I’m not bad at cooking and i do love pleasing the Mr with good food!

1/07/14 I am bloody shattered!! Mr D and his bloody man flu kept me up all night!! Coughing and spluttering, tossing and turning, blowing his nose, getting up for a lemsip, getting up for a tissue, getting up for ibuprophene! But I stuck to my plan and me and Mrs B went to Kats 6.30am boot camp class! We started with a jog. I STILL BLOODY HATE JOGGING! I just can’t do it. The class was good there was only 4 of us so it felt like a personal trainer session. It was different to before I didnt feel like I was in the way or interrupting which is how I felt before. Like an outsider in their friendship group I can’t talk about babies and children and catchment areas for schools much because I don’t have any! I like the girls but I didn’t know the people they chatted about and I always felt as the fat one I was always the one behind and I just was not as hard core as them. I couldn’t go to classes every night like they did because I like spending time with Mr D too much. I guess exercising is just not as important to me as it is for some! but I liked this class. Kat knows what I’m good at now and what I struggle with and I felt confident enough to ask if I could go on the rower instead of my second jog. This also gave me chance to have a good natter with Kat and fill her in on why I disappeared for a while. I felt really good and back on track after the morning sess of squats and kettle bells. Jumps and some kind of hand stand walking up the wall thingy. I felt good and like I was back in the zone. I didn’t go back to bed like I thought I might but went to homebase and spent too much money on my new veggie patch! What do you do in your spare time? I exercise and garden! Get me, fucking old bastard!! By the time I got to work I was shattered and had to spend most of my day drinking diet coke! I feel like I’m starting to get a routine and I’m in a good place again. Unfortunately even when I’ve been orgainised bringing in healthy snacks because of the shocking food at work I ate a doughnut today! I’m not even that bothered about doughnuts it was just bloody there its sweet glaze glistening! So I ate half an hour later I ate the other half. Bloody doughnuts calling me!!

2/07/14 Today the photo went up on facebook of the end of the insanity class. I look like a massive blob on the corner next to all the fitties. I look disgusting!

Highlight of my day gem on the radio on the way home and blasting out Backstreet Boy ‘I want it thaaaaattt way’

Now this is a sign of a pretty boring day!

3/07/14 I woke up feeling thinner today and I slept a little better. Mr Ds man flu is starting to ease up so after dozing for a while this morning I got up to go BLT. The instructer was back this week and it was the beefcake, dragon tattoed, thighs of steel lady I’d seen a few times. It was a good class she worked us hard and some of it was similar to what Kat does. Lots of weights and squats and lunges but I wasn’t really feeling it today. All she kept talking about was how she was aching from last night and that she was covered in baby oil or something. She had tiny black shorts on and kept pulling them right up so we could see that she was wearing her mans boxer shorts. No thanks love. You are definately not getting us in a sweat its the bloody lack of air con! There is no air con in the council gyms so there like a sauna! I know its cheap but fucking hell with all the millions of fans going that must be costing loads for electricity! Buy some fucking air con! I didn’t givet it 100% probably about 85 but better than nothing!

 I had a lovely shift at work I am so settled it feels like I’ve been here for ages. I was in the bungalow tonight which is for a couple of independent students I’m not supposed to start in this bit until September. Your supposed to build up to it so I’m guessing I’m doing okay then! After jobs and spending sometime with other students we made crispie cakes, watched a DVD painted our nails and drank options hot chocolate! Even though I had to put up with watching the fucking awful every middle age womans fave film Mama Mia it was still a really good night at work. Im feeling good about getting back into my exercise routine but I need to be stronger on my diet. No thank you no crispie cake for me I’m eating carrot sticks! Ugh I’ll try harder tomorrow.

04/07/14 Fridays are a good day in school as we normally go out and about in the morning and then the afternoon goes really quick! Today we went off to ikea! This excited me I thought maybe I had chance to buy a few goodies on my way round with the kids but we only made it as far as the caf! The food smelt good! Not only did it smell good but it was dirt cheap! A big fry up for £2.25. My 2 favourite things- good grub and at a bargain price! Then people started coming out with meatballs! Equally cheap! Nobody went for hot food just cakes. Cheap lovely looking cakes! It was a battle. The kid I was with choose a nutty cheese cake, it looked guey and lovely. I opted for a bottomless diet coke and squeezed in 2 and a half glasses this made me happy even if it was just the cheap stuff! One thing I do miss about my old job is that when you took kids out for a drink you’d get yours paid for too. Not at this job so you either keep paying out yourself or you sit there with nothing whilst everybody else indulges! Ugh

Due to taking a pay cut and me saving hard at the moment this month I’m already skint. This is not like me! I indulged too much on garden luxuries and keep buying things for the wedding! But MrD  is a bloody gent and insisted on taking me out for dinner we went to Zizzi and I tried to make a reasonable choice and went for a chicken pasta in crème fresh with spring onions and it was lovely! We did have a side of garlic bread and went for a raspberry beer afterwards but was pretty well behaved for the weekend! No pud for me!

05/07/14 Up and out to dance fit! I knew I hadn’t booked so had to wangle my way in but I managed it. It was a busy class with some regulars. Posh Spice was there and the man out of detectives (not Jasper Carrot the other one). The instructer is about 8 months pregnant and about to pop so she couldn’t do half the moves so had to watch the arse lickers on the front row who know the moves even better than the instructers. Theres Ulrika Johnson and sweat band girl. When theres a new dance they remind of the over excited kids I work with all trying to do better than the other at dance fit! Then behind them is the line of ladies about to hit the big 50 dancing like there in a disco night club. Hooped ear rings and the lastest trashy primark top but look like there having the time of their lives swinging their hips and shaking their tits! And when she played Ricky Martin ‘She Bangs’ they were in their element! Booties swaying, blonde streaked pony tails swaying!! Got admit I quite liked it myself (the song not the Kugers saggy swaying arse cheeks) and then she even did a squatting routine to Mcfly! I bloody love Mcfly and I swear I work 10 times harder when its a track I like. Thats why I’m just not motivated to dance music. I fucking hate it!

We then went off to Mr Ds friends annual camping party! Where his school friends every year go camping in the beautiful Osmanton which each year the field changes on part of his parents amazing land. Ooo how the other half live! This time last year I’d only been with Mr D for 3 weeks and I was meeting his friends for the first time so I drank a litre of vodka and made mud angels on the floor when I could no longer walk. This year was quite different. Mr Ds friends are like him all outdoorsy, geeky country bumpkins! They all arrived with their walking back packs and ooed over Simons leatherman (?!) knife. Which means nothing to me and I was just sat there in my 50s swing skirt and converse which is about as casual as I get! The good thing is this means theve got the whole camping thing covered. The tents were up in a flash, one guy had bought a spade to clear the cow pat and the guys jumped on a truck to pick up fire wood. It was lovely we ate, drank, played with a BB gun and chilled by a fire. Not matter how much I take the piss I would love all my friends to get together in a field and go camping. None of my friends own a field. Though this set up is pretty much what our wedding will be like I’ll just be in a pretty dress, they’ll be some live music instead of somebodies I phone and some port a loos instead of peeing behind a bush!

06/07/14 We were up pretty early and had some breakfast around the campfire. Bacon was cooked in the hot embers and Mr D was in his elemant geting out his little stoves and cooking scrambled eggs and beans (the only time Mr D enjoys cooking when hes in the great outdoors with his gadgets!) Luckily we didn’t have to hang around too long. I hate wasting my Sundays, as Mr D needed a dump so we were home by about 11.

 Later on we were off to try pizza!! A few days ago I’d wrote on facebook asking if anyone knew any catering vans for a wedding and a old chum of mine piped up and said her friend was just setting up a clay pizza business. Perfect! We went over for her ‘pizza trial party’ which was just her friends really at her husbands studio. At first we couldn’t get in! We’d come all the way there and the studio door was locked. Nobody answered when we knocked! We could see over a gate behind the van but its not like these people were our friends so we couldn’t really just yell at them to open up! We gave up and were heading home when we got a phone call so off we went back there again! Mr D was mega pissed off but soon chilled out when he had a slice of fresh pizza in his mouth! They seemed a really nice couple. The pizza was good and would be perfect for our festival style wedding. She also said she’d look after us with it being her first booked wedding! OOosh perfect!!

How the fuck do you get peas wrong?

23/06/14 So I am into my third week of my new job I already feel quite settled. It was strange at first starting all over again not knowing what everyone was chatting about in the staff room wondering if it would ever be like before with the 3 Amigos  filthy jokes and discuss everything from wet farts to Minge shaving her fanny! Those were the days! So I may not be cracking out any filth yet but I’m happy to make a dick out of myself, saying my ideas and getting stuck in! The girls in my team arn’t all skinny birds and are trying different things to loose weight. One is on a crash diet of milkshake and soup on the run up to being a bridesmaid. Oh how I can relate to this! Now these are my kind of ladies!! The young people are starting to get to know me and I’m started to get to know their routines as well as getting used to my own. Mr D is getting used to me working three lates a week, I think hes secretly happy that he gets more x box time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that!!

24/06/14 When you work a evening in residential you have to sit and eat the food provided by the kitchen and encourage the students to eat it also. The staff warned me the food was shit. THE FOOD IS FUCKING DISGUSTING!! Its inedible but the kids just eat it so we can’t really complain. I really have no idea how this guy could of got the job because its so bad. Maybe hes got one signature dish and he wowed them with it. Well I tell you now it wasn’t lasagne with a spoon full of the cheapest mincemeat and no actual cheese and it wasn’t the breaded plaice that didn’t taste of fish, meat or anything or the garlic bread which was just a dry piece of bread that hadn’t seen any kind of garlic. Even the safe other option of jacket potatoe are just hard and microwaved and the peas are a mixture of rock hard and soft. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET PEAS WRONG??

25/06/14 I went back to a class at the council today and realised this is where I needed to be. Walking in and seeing a variety of regular faces instantly made me feel better. Everyone all shapes and sizes and not judging anyone. Camp man was there with his eyebrows even more plucked than usual, the bouncy koreon lady thats is definaty to old to be wearing bright yellow lyrcra, the man with one leg and Posh Spice. Posh Spice is a lady with a perfectly neat bobbed hair, always wears black and never breaks a sweat. She doesn’t put any energy into any of the class and does as little movement as possible. Her make up is done perfectly and she never smiles or talks to anybody. This is exactly how I imagine Victoria Beckham exercises. The class was run by the the hippy, shake your boobs hip hop lady with her usual sweaty crotch. It was good to be back!

26/06/14 Today was the day I was getting back on it! I went downstairs this morning and my lodger had filled the kitchen with homemade chocolate brownies. One dish hadn’t worked out and was quite messy so obviously I picked at the outside crispy bits and the inside guey goodness!! I went back for more until I knew if I picked at it anymore she would realise. Even if she was going to bin it! I decided I didn’t want this to ruin my healthy start and to get straight to the gym for a morning class before work. It was hippy boob shaking lady taking the class for monotone which I was glad I’m not sure monotone would be getting me back into the exercise zone!! I was told in my first 5 minutes by 3 different people that my trousers were inside out! Okay I get it now I’m hardly going to strip them off infront of everyone and change them round! The class was pretty good lots of squatting and toning. I like to think I’m pretty hard and could look after myself if need be but my arm strength is shit! My legs are pretty strong, if I ever get mugged I’ll have to karate kick them or just poke them in the eye. Mr D has gone off to Glastonbury today and it will be the longest time weve spent apart since the beginning of our releationship! I might just miss him a little bit ;)

 Work today was pretty average playing outside, routine and bed time. Thursday night is my sleep in night. For tea tonight it was carbonara it consisted of a wishy washy cream coloured sauce that tasted of nothing with floaty bits of very faty bacon and some celery and pasta. It was vile it looked like sick I felt bad giving it to the students. It was my sleep in at work tonight but by 9.30pm I was starving so I had to go and raid the staff fridge knowing exactly what was in there. Today was the nurses last day and she’d been talking about every day for the last 3 weeks that she’d had shipped in Cornish pasties from Cornwall! That is some effort getting a pastie shipped all the way I was expecting something amazing, gold plated meaty fucking goodness! I only went and picked the wrong fucking one and ended with some broadbean veggie shit for fuck sake!

27/06/14 I didn’t sleep too bad and at least this morning I didn’t get woken up at 6am by the cleaner clonking around with her mop bucket. My boss walked in my room as I was doing my hair. Good job I wasn’t fucking naked! She did apologise at least if I was in the buff that would be enough to scare anyone off! Work was fine and went pretty quick. I’d bought some 18p reduced vegetable soup in for lunch to start getting back at track but it tasted shit so I had to dunk some white bread in it to make it edable! After work I had to go back to my old job. Even though I totally love my buddies there and with Hitler no longer there anymore but I didn’t really want to go back. I’ve already moved on and put that in the past but I went anyway as Minge had worked really hard so I got a proper goodbye speech like everybody else does and a nice big fat pressie! It was a shame Golden Balls was there because I was pleased to see everybody else I hated seeing his face smiling at me and being polite. Fuck off! You don’t like me so don’t smile at me! You don’t like me because I took Hitler down and now you cant just flash your £2,000 a tooth smile and flex your muscles to get what you want you’ll have to actually work! Golden Balls will no longer his golden balls them polished in Hitlers mouth! Just plain old wrinkly hairy one like everyone else! I got plenty of pressies so people had dug deep to bless them but it still felt a bit weird and I felt akward being there. It took me 2 and a half minutes to convince Minge that she had to drink and not drive which made me much happier!  It was a good night, good turn out of folks and only a few of my faves couldn’t make it. Plenty of booze was consumed and we headed to the dodgy end of town for some karaoke to find there was no karaoke on!! Very disappointed but before we realised it was 1.30am and I found myself running down the street to make it to The Bless before closing time!  My mate Mr G who now lives in Dubai came to join us which was fantastic! Great to see him!A few beverages and a bit of boogieing later I was wobberling into Mcdonalds, getting back in my taxi and sharing a chocolate milkshake with the pooch.

28/06/14 I’m really missing Mr D now. When your hungover you always need the love of your other half that little bit more. Someone to give u a bit of sympathy and to make you a pint of orange squash! I wasn’t thinking such nice thoughts of him when his alarm clock went off at 7.05am and then I couldn’t go back to sleep! I got up and went in search for a nice piece of flapjack. I love it when your hungover and you know exactly what you want to eat. The thought of anything greasy made me want to throw up but I really wanted some oaty goodness. All I drove past were endless co-ops and sainsburys express! No I don’t want a shity coardboardy over priced flapjack I want a nice little deli or little caf that did a nice bigfat slab of flapjack! In the end I had no choice to make do with average over priced flapjack. With the bit of energy I still had prob because I was still drunk I bought some flowers and did a spot of gardening. I planned to do more so it would be a nice suprise for wen Mr D got home but all work stopped when the postman came! I felt like I knew what it was when I picked up the envelope. Twats solicitor. The letter I’d spent a year waiting for. He’d agreed to the payment of £2,000 to take him off the mortgage. My house was going to be my house again. Finally I can end that whole fucking shity chapter of my life fully for good and be free to sell my house whenever I choose!! After making a few phone calls in true rock and roll style I went to celebrate. I took my grandparents out for lunch! I was in need of the carbs and knew a average shop bought sarnie wasn’t going to cut it. Kill 2 birds with one stone and keep the wrinklies happy! A made a good choice (when I say good I mean tasty not healthy) of a brie and bacon panni. You really can’t beat a good sandwhich. Shame they forget the red current jelly but I was feeling way to rough to bother asking staff for it. Unfortunately the coleslaw was shit! I fucking hate cheap shity coleslaw! I love a good bargain but coleslaw is one thing not to go cheap on!! Get back in that kictchen and get the chef grating up some onion, carrot and cabbage! Its not that bloody hard! After that even though the oldies were hinting at a trip to the garden centre I just couldn’t face any more people time and hit the sack! At 5.45 I thought it was time I better get out of my unmade bed and sort myself out. My room was still full of dresses on the floor and mcdoanald wrappers. No covers on the bed so I get my arse in gear and then headed off to my bessies hubbys 30^th BBQ. I aint guna lie I was more looking forward to what bargains I could at reduced time on the way than the actual BBQ. Not that theres anything wrong with my Bessie or her husband I actually really like spending time with them. My Bessie thinks I’m rude and don’t like talking to new people. Alot of her friends just arn’t the kind of people I hang around with they are outdoorsy types that talk about canoeing and ponds their all nice but their just not the type to spend their spare time talking utter bollocks and filth like my friends! The thought of going on my own and not drinking sucked at least if you get trashed you don’t care so much. I was pleasantly surprised that there was a few of her chums I like and had a good natter about losing weight and weddings. Which are pretty much my fave subjects lol! I could of happily sat and nattered longer but I started feeling like utter shit so left. I didn’t even get a hotdog so had to make do with stuffing my face with a few stuffed potatoe skins when exiting the building! No more excuses tomorrow I am getting on it!!

29/06/14 Oooshh up and to Insanity! First time I’ve gone back to one of Kats classes but it was at a big venue and I took Mrs B with me so was feeling okay about it. I’ve heard how hard Insanity is so I was a bit worried it would be just too hard for a fat bird. I had visions of me just passed out my fave in my own puke whilst the fitties just danced next to me. The first thing Kat said was nobody has been sick in a class yet but just go out the door if you need the fresh air. Bollocks I thought I was going to be the bloody first then!! I knew a few girls there the usual regulars. One of the personal trainer girls said ‘I didn’t expect to see you here’ I wasn’t really sure how to take that. Don’t think I can handle it?! Well I could!  I was pleasantly surprised that I wasn’t too bad at all. It was hard and I did feel sick at times but I also did pretty good at times. I struggled with some of the fancy press ups where you have to stick a arm up there and a leg out there balance on your bloody little finger. There were other bits that I powered through even on the odd occasion (okay only one) I did the high level when a lot of the fitties had gone down to low level by that point!! Get me, the fit fat bird!! Oooooshh!

I then went off for a roast with my friends to a pub that was a little bit of a trek but I’d heard it did a amazing carvery. After my morning of work my ass and apparently burning 2,000 calories I had very good intentions that I was just going to go for turkey and vegetables and then I saw it... all different beautiful roast meats, giant home made Yorkshire puddings, crispy slow cooked roast potatoes with rosemary mmmm!! I went for beef and one of the beautiful Yorkshires but I tried to pick the smallest and I still filled up on my veggies so not quite as good as I intended but not too bad! Mr D was hungover damp, muddy, ill and missing home so he decided to come home early! Even though I was more than happy to have my Mr D back early I wanted to make sure he made the right choice and not waste his money coming back early but it was what he wanted. It was great to have it back even full of man flu. Bloody love this man!!