Buffet was calling me!!

07/07/14 Woke up covered in fucking bites! Itching and scratching the fuckers seem to love me! I must be big and juicey. Bastards! Bloody camping!!

 Went to see my well being officer this morning to get weighed. I got weighed a few weeks ago after my all inclusive hol so was feeling confident that I’d lost to then find out I’d gained a 1lb!! I’d done the check list before getting weighed. 1) No jeans/extra cardigans or any heavy clothing 2) empty pockets no phones or keys 3) always take shoes off 4) only have a yogurt for breakfast and most important 5) Have a poo. This was mega disappointing and rather embarrassing that I’d just been rambling on about doing more classes to put on a fucking pound!! But rather than feeling down about it like I usually would I felt determined!! And went straight to Miss Booby Shaking Hip Hop ladys zumba class. It was nice to go to a zumba class I usually end up doing all the horrible hard classes this days and I forget how much enjoy shaking my thang!! There were 2 really big ladies in class. One had a seat and kept sitting down every 5 mins but I thought it was bloody great that they were there. Both seemed to be on their own and were pushing their big bulk as much as they could. I know Ive found it hard at times being big and walking into classes on my own and getting on with it but I was half of these ladies. Good for them, I hope they fucking smash it!!

Started logging my food on my fitness pal today. Writing it down has always helped me so doing it on the go would be perfect! I am trying to put everything in place to help. I worked out my weight in stone and pounds as I’d been being weighed in kilograms and I was horrified at the result!! I am still around the Christmas weight mark! I only ever see this weight after Ive been filling my face on some kind of week long celebration and even at that its only been a few times. I’m truely gutted that I’m seeing this stone mark again. This time last year I was seeing 2 numbers lower and looking so much better!! I didn’t think I’d got up to this level of fat bastardness again. GUTTED!

08/07/14 Didn’t get back from work until 10.45pm but still got up for boot camp at 6.15am! Oooshh on it like a car bonnet!! Ive got to fucking do this now!! Kat said I looked slimmer than last week round my waist which was reassuring after my bloody 1lb gain! Worked hard for 45 minutes and then the same as last week instead of going back to bed like I thought I’d want to I was up and lively and feeling productive!! I put dinner in the slow cooker. (Quorn sausage casserole) took everything out of the shed and then put it in again in order and tidy and then I cleared up the garden. All this before 9am! I walked into the office at 1pm and it smelt of my most favourite food. The one food I will always struggle to resist. Chip shop chips. Not fries, not any other take away chips only chip shop. It’s a good job that there was none left as it would have took all my will power not to have any. We were lucky the food wasn’t too bad for tea tonight it was fishcake, oven chips with lots of salad and peas. I avoided the newspaper chocolate with no chocolate muffin there’s no way I’m wasting my calories on one of those again! Tonight we had the summer concert that went on for hours and hours. I struggled to sit still for long so how can I expect the students? There was a half an hour session from a musical company on recorders. RECORDERS? Talking about big ones and small ones. Playing a little tune. Bloody hell shoot me now!

09/07/14 I normally feel pretty shattered on a split shift. The break in the middle always goes really quick. I met up with mum and my beautiful niece to go for a swim. She loved the water but I really needed to get some exercise in between playing humpty dumpty, mermaids and sharks! I did enough between having fun splashing around and then headed home for scrambled  eggs, beans and quorn sausages on toast which turned out more calories than I hoped! Back to work to be greeted by a whole tray of doughnuts! Fuck you doughnuts I am strong! I then went out in the community and as usual with this class they went to Mcdonalds on the way home! Everybody put in their orders of big macs and milkshake and fries and me and one skinny member of staff said we didn’t want anything! It was hard and as we pulled into Mcdonalds carpark and smelt the lovely food I changed my mind. I didn’t want to sit there with nothing whilst everybody indulged so I treated myself to a large diet coke! We got back to class and everybody tucked in. It was one of the resi staffs birthdays so then the cake came out! But if I could be strong with Mcdonlds I could be strong with cake too!!

Wednesday evenings are usually activities with the kids outside. We only had small numbers tonight as the kids were leaving at 8pm because of the strike tomorrow. It was a lovely evening and I had a few kids following me round so decided to kill 2 birds with one stone. Actually 3 birds. 1) keep kids entertained 3) keep busy make work go quicker and 3) do some exercise! We set up a circuit class on the assault course and play equipment. We ran, jumped over things, did dips on the benches, did sit up with our feet under the climbing frame and ran up steps.  I managed to keep them entertained with this for about 20 minutes and we did pretty good. The only problem being I was not wearing appropriate exercising underwear and my boobs did hit me in the face on more than one occasion. We got to finish early which was great! Not only did I get back for some quality Mr D cosey box set on the sofa time but I always managed to get a few 10p bargains on the way home too. Whoop!

10/07/14 Strike Day! I was not striking with most the staff today. Mainly because I’d only just joined the school and also because I’d just left Unison because they were a bag of wank when I needed them in my previous job. They didn’t call me back when then said they would and I only got one email from them which was a spam and was just about penis enlargement anyway! Fucking bastards must remember to put in a complaint about them! Anyway as my shift doesn’t start until 1 but the school was closing at 3 because residential was shut that meant I got a full days wage for working 2 hours! Oooosshh! Thank you very much! I went to the beef cake Butchs class this morning and I really enjoyed it. It was similar to Kats total tone but a level down but still good and its the instructer Kat recommended. Butch talks alot she reminds me of a hairdresser. She has full conversations with people on the front row throughout the class. The only problem is Butch is the only one with a microphone so you can only hear one side of the conversation so you have to try and fill in the blanks yourself. I like to fill them in with rude words to make myself giggle and keep myself amused. She talked alot about people she knew calling one guy a ‘jaffa’ because he fires blanks and saying things like ‘You know that Beverly don’t you, I don’t like her shes the one that keeps horses... rah rah rah’ Good job I don’t know any these people. She talked a lot about a friend Julia which initially I thought was her dog when she said it was probably her that ate the boiled egg off her car floor but later on she made me think that this was probably her girlfriend! Fuck knows! But the class was good, I had a good work out!

I got home and went out to walk the pooch and a saw a work man get out his van and go in nextdoor. Now I never forget a face and I remember growing up on the same close as him when I was a kid/teen! I know kids will be kids and boys will be boys but I won’t ever forget some of the cruel things that came out of kids mouths when I was growing up. I can remember exact comments made to me from the age of around 8. I wasn’t even that fat as a kid, I was never skinny but not fat either and I lost all my ‘puppy fat’ at around 14 but I remember him and I remember some of the comments he made to me. You mate ARE A CUNT!!

11/07/14  Today we went on a trip to ‘The Pudding Room’ my plan was to go for the healthiest option. I walked and stood staring at a lovely looking chocolate tart but then I smelt it. Fresh sausage rolls. Mmm you don’t get much better than the smell of sausage rolls fresh out of the oven. I picked that knowing I’d have to work hard at my class later. Oh my god it was good! The best sausage roll I’d ever tasted I quickly texted Mr D and told him a important thing we need for the wedding is good sausage rolls! I was jealous of the ladies next to me who had gone for a sausage roll and a slice of cake but I powered through savouring every mouthful. S next to me discussing a crazy plan for the summer to hardly eat to lose weight. J then asked me how much I weighed. I never tell anyone how much I weigh! Especialy when right now I’m so bloody high! But for some reason right at this moment with this too similar ladies I told them. Turns out S weighs exactly the same as me. Strange how I’m happy to tell these 2 ladies I have only just met something I won’t even tell my mum or Mr D! Also strange how people can be the same weight but look completly different!

Decided to double whammy it and go for a swim before zumba. I got to zumba and the lady from work ( J the one that is just a older version of me!) was there. She always stands at the front right infront of the mirror and wanted me to go with her! No, no, no! I stand at the very back and absolutely never infront of the mirror! I like just hiding away doing my own little thing! But not today I stood at the front with her but to the side so at least I wasn’t infront of the mirror but I just cant be one of the perfect move, pony tail swaying sweatband bearing girls at the front! I am not used to going with people I know and J from work kept saying I can’t believe you’ve got the energy to work so hard. This spured me on more and even though by the end I was feeling a little shattered and worked hard bouncing around throughout!

No time to rest zoomed home to get showered and over to my mums for a celebratory BBQ. Mums just joined slimming world so she put on some amazing grub. Vegetable kebabs, turkey burgers, salmon and chicken! Even a homemade fruit pavaola. I was driving so didn’t even use many calories on booze. It was really lovely celebrating my step bro and his mrs about to become parents, my other step bro and his lady who have just got work for a year in New Zealand, my bro Mr B has just become acting Head Master and obviously me and Mr D getting married! So nice that their is so many good things happening for my family right now and I’m very proud of the lot of us!! Good times indeed!!

12/07/14 Saturday morning I got up bright and early with the sun shining! Sometimes I do go to a class but Saturday morning bargains like to call me instead. Mr D was at work so me and my mum went off to Willington and came back with lots of good priced plants! I worked out at least a spot of gardening will work off a few calories. The Mr came home and after a stir fry and a quick nap we headed for a swim. We tried not to play around too much and did some actual swimming. When it was time to get out there was a Buddha sitting on the steps. Mr D said we’ll just get out at the other steps. Now I didn’t like this at all! Always get out the nearesr steps to the exit so there is the least possible time for people to see me in my swim suit (espically when its wet and clingy this pushes it up way worse on the scale!) Luckily at this pool the steps are right by the ladies changing rooms but as Buddha was still sitting in my way I was going to have to wait it out! Mr D thought this was quite amusing and told me I was being silly and we’ll get out the other end and walk up. Do the walk of shame?! I wasn’t happy about this at all but with Mr D’s encouragement to beat my silly anxieties we got out the other end and I did a quick shuffle casually trying to suck in and cover up the worse areas. I survived!

That evening we packed a disposable BBQ and some of the leftover vegetable kebabs from last night and I took Mr D to black rocks. I used to go there as a kid and I knew he’d like it! I even went organised and took a backpack! Get me being all outdoorsy! I did take the wrong track and didn’t take him to the bit I actually wanted too but we did lots of walking, wore the pooch out and a really lovely evening. As it was treat night we bought some ice cream on the way home and snuggled up on the sofa for some Orange is the New Black. Not very rock and roll but a really lovely day.

13/07/14 We went to watch my step bro do a triathalon this morning hes doing one nearly every week at the moment! That boy is truely hardcore thats some impressive shit right there! Well done!! And well done to his Mrs for having to spend so much time getting up at the crack of dawn to get there on time! This afternoon was one of bessies 30^th birthday garden gathering. As a mum to a 4 month old it was never going to be a crazy one but was a nice time to get her family and friends together. The sun came out just in time and she put on a amazing spread! I didn’t even consider trying to be healthy or stick to my diet nothing crossed my mind at all. BUFFET was calling me!! And it was a bloody good buffet. Chicken goujons, pulled pork rolls, warm sausage rolls and shortbread biscuits. Washed down with a few cheeky afternoon glasses of wine. I enjoyed it very much. Decided not to try and work out the calories on my fitness pal and just sign it off as a write off.

Spent half an hour writing out a little poem for our wedding invites tonight. Covering all the things people will need to bring. It needs a few tweeks but I’m pretty pleased with it. Its not a conventional wedding bringing your willies, a cake and a cool box but hey people surely aren’t expecting our wedding to be conventional. If people don’t like it then they can sod off! Surely anyone who is friend of ours will embrace our slightly whacky ideas and go with it. Other wise your not really much of a friend are you?!

Felt emotional tonight. Its really silly but sometimes when I watch programmes on TV that include heartbreak and cheating they just make me realise how good I’ve got it right now. How lucky I am to have Mr D and for everything to be so great J