Thrusting and Grunting

10/09/14 I don’t even feel good this morning.I’m sure its because Ive not been eating properly the last few days. My stomach and my chest hurt. I hope this is not me having a heart attack before Ive even started slimming world. I’m glad I’m finally starting today. Routine and structure is good for me. I had a couple of biscuits dunked in milk for breakfast and thats it I’m done. No more crap, I swear I can feel my insides clogging up. I’m so ready for this.

I arrived at class to what seemed a pretty friendly bunch. There was 7 of us just starting which apparently is rare to have so many. There were a lot of ‘characters’ some jolly older women laughing over the giant gob stoppers the leader had bought us. There seemed a mixture of larger ladies and ones that are obviously doing well and are near target. My initial thoughts were that the leader was over weight which didn’t fill me with confidence. Surely a Slimming World Leader should practice what she preaches? I should be looking at her for inspiration. She seemed nice quite a jolly confident lady. When she explained about Slimming World she explained about herself and that she had just had to rejoin as a member herself as she’d not been following the plan and put all the weight back on. I admired her honesty and I can relate on how easy it is to slip into old ways. It would be good seeing her progress with ours as she she should lead the way! Good for her! Lets all bloody do this together!! Apparently I have to bring in a piece of fruit each week to put in the bowl for the slimmer of the week.  I don’t really like fruit they can have a wrinkly apple thats sat at the bottle of my bowl for a few weeks. I got weighed. Ugh it was ugly. It was worse than I thought. Worse than after Christmas. Back to full fat bastard mode. This diet better bloody work! And quick! I had to leave before she started talking to the group as the whole thing was due to take 1 hour 20 minutes! I haven’t got that kind of time thats a lot of time to get weighed and a 10 minute motivation chat! I needed to zoom home to make a pile of pasta and cottage cheese for my lunch. I’ll be more organised next week.

Work was quiet. The new kids are not all sleeping in yet. I was good, I had a jacket potatoe with beans and lots of salad. It was a pretty crappy jacket but I stuck to my plan all the same. I got to finish a little early and got home to snuggle up and have some supper with Mr D. As part of my ‘healthy A’ option I can have 2 baby bells as my dairy allowance and then I used 4 of my daily syns to have a packet of beef naughts and crosses crisps. Ooosh what a great diet when I can sit in bed eating cheese and crisps. This is absolutely the best way to get thin!!

11/09/14 I wanted to make the most of my morning and contemplated going to the gym. I just didn’t feel I was up to going straight to a hard class if it was a dance one i would have gone. I went for a swim first thing. I regretted it the second I got in. Ive not been for a while, it was cold and and there was a man in the slow lane doing some kind of back stroke buttefly that took up the whole lane. As I tried to stay close to the wall to get past him I manged to kick the wall hard. My bloody toe was killing, a man in the next lane must of seen me wince and swear under my breath 'Fucking butterfly Bastard old git' and checked I was okay with a smirk! I actually started to enjoy my swim and started making plans to make homemade chips, baked beans and eggs for lunch. How can that be a diet? Its a bloody good one! Another old guy got in to the lane and I had to get out, I couldn’t deal with both of them swimming at a snail pace and taking up the whole lane! As I got in my car I was thinking I wonder if I will ever see any of the old students around here as school use this leisure centre. As I drove towards the exit there was one of my girls with one of my fave members of staff. It was nice to see her, I’d worked really hard with her building up a relationship and getting her to come to school but not had chance to say goodbye to her when I left. I got big hugs all round. I miss working with The Gov hes like a bear. A father figure which me and my bro are often drawn too. It was lovely to see them but left me feeling really sad. I miss them, I miss the job. I miss being really good at my job and being needed. It made me feel genuinely sad for the next few hours. I really miss the kids. I went home and attempted to make a Slimming world cake out of quork.

Casually having a nose through the slimming world website and ideas for lunches. Why would you write ham salad? Is that really a idea that somebody couldn’t think up themselves? Was it really worth making the effort of writing it on a wall? A few people wrote ‘mugshot’ of all the nice things you can eat on slimming world people are having wishy washy watery soup with a few floaty noodles in. Is than filling? Its hardly a lunch!

12/09/14 Sooooo tired  hardly slept at all. First night back at resi and I kept waking up and thinking the girls needed me! One of them was ill so I think this kept playing on my mind. I didn’t end up speaking to Mr D until 11.30pm. Breakfast was hard as I’d been really unorganised with food ready for today. I ate a yogurt and sombodies special K bar from the cupboard (I left an IOU)  I drank diet coke through the day to keep me alive. I had tried to cut down on my diet coke and I have upped my intake of fruity teas for something different but seriously like I don’t give up enough nice things dieting all the time! I don’t need to give up bloody diet coke too! Which has 0 calories!! The day was long even with taking the students out in the morning to sensory swimming. I covered a dinner lady at lunchtime. The students have an hour and 15 minutes lunch, that is long.  Beig unorganised I just had a bit of last nights left over tea, new potatoes and veggies. Not a great lunch but at least still sticking to my plan when I’m unorganised. I turned down choccie biccies. They love a biccie and a slice of cake in that class. They also love talking about cake. Probably why I’m fitting in well. I can talk about cake until the cows come home. I just cant eat any.

Then it was off to our weekend away!! whoo We arrived to a beautiful cottage with beautiful views! It looked fantastic from the outside and was decorated beautifully on the inside with beams and a log burner. I love it when I get a good groupon deal and this was deffo one of the best ones. Mr D got the quorn chilli on he made and the beers were in the fridge. My bro, Mrs B, my 18 month old neice and their pooch arrived not long after.

We sorted some stuff out then sat down for dinner. Mr D had done a great job he’d been really good and not added anything that I wasn’t allowed and did a cracking quorn chilli. My bro didn’t even realise it was qorn so must be good. After my neice went to bed we sat around wondering why we hadn’t bought any games or at least a pack of cards. We decided to move with the times and each couple challenge each other to different themed quizzes on an app. My favourite subject I’d picked were the Spice girls and Christmas movies. Mr D had gone for Sciencey and geeky ones. We then decided to go old school and play the sticker on your head game. Giggerling at Mrs B struggling to get Adolph Hitler and watching Mr D work out he had himself! We then started playing ‘name the intro’ where we took in terms to pick a son on youtube and the first one to get the song and the band got a point. I bloody love this game and its one of the few games I’m good at. We battled it out a few rounds. Our family are very competitive. Mr D is much more chilled. After my couple of coors light I still stuck to the plan and being organised we all snacked on the low syn snaks I bought and the leftovers. We called it a night quite late. We would have gone longer but the little one was very unsettled in a new place. Great night. You really don’t need money to have fun.

13/09/14 14 I started my morning by sending my brother back to bed as my neice had not slept well at all last night. We then snuggled up with a bowl of strawberries and watched Little Mermaid. I think I may have enjoyed it more than her! She sat still for about 10 minutes. Then we played, she took a liking to my sliming world book and did a bit of scribbling on my diary pages! She spent some time following the dog and pulling his ears and we sang all the songs to the film. She isn’t talking clearly yet but she says odd word and then spends time talking in her own little language. My bro was on breakfast duty this morning and was not happy about my dietry requirements. He moaned about spray light being shit on many occasions and I had to craftly sneek in the oven and separate my veggie sausages from there big fat juicy looking sausages with fat seeping out of them. It was yummy and its good that i can eat a good breakfast within my syns.

Skirt is feeling snug so I put my pjs on at 7.30pm for my vodka drinking! I feel like I’d just eaten something so naughty but everything I ate was allowed on the diet. Homemade burger, corn on the cob, chicken no skin, salad and home made coleslaw. Like an indoor BBQ. Im still feeling gross. I caught my reflection in a window today and from the side and just looked huge. I look fine from the front but like a huge big round ball from the side! Normally after a few days on a diet I am feeling healthier and less bloated but I feel quite the opposite. I really cant see how this is going to work. I will carry on regardless and not let it ruin my weekend away. Its vodka o clock!

We played x factor drinking and I knew how much I could drink with a couple of days worth of syns to use on vodka! Different suits of playing cards meant different words such as ‘Simon, love, potential’ and you picked out another card each advert so we happily got merry watching X factor. Much more fun! We then carried on with the name the intro game. I must have been drunker than i thought as I only vagely remember me and my bro getting very competitetive near the end and him rubbing it in that I came second and makd me a rosette to wear. Normally i can drink much more vodka than that? Well second place it is!

I realised I’ve got it wrong with soya puddings in the book it says there 2 syns I thought that was fab and have eaten my third one this week. Devilshy dark chocolate. Good for a chocolate fix but thought I’d put it on the slimming world group on facebook and 5.5!! Gutted!

14/09/15 I got up early leaving Mr D snoozing thinking my neice would be up but she wasn’t. After packing things aways knowing how long it took the oven to warm up for breakfast. Its great how I can eat a nice big brekkie with the others. We had bacon, scrambled eggs, mushrooms and spaghetti! I don’t normally eat spaghetti but on this diet Ive been eating more than my fair share of baked beans so fancied some spaghetti to break it up a bit. We packed up and and whislt my bro was packing his car me , my neice and he pooch hung out in the field across the road. As the dog was crazily digging below a bush as he’d obviously seen a creature of some type I said ‘there he is’ and my neice kept copying. Slowly she is copying more words. All the important ones like ‘cows?!’ she’ll  be nattering in  no time. Mr D said he’d found a local National Trust site so we headed off there. As we got out of the car I was questioning why we had just pulled up on a street in the next village as I thought we were visiting somewhere. Apparently my mistake and this ‘walk around the village’ was all there was to do around here. My bro thought this was funny that I was annoyed about this and was doing my head delirabtly trying to wind me up. How old are we 10? I chipped a bit of dry cowpat at his head but it unfortunately went a bit too far. Damn, I was hoping it had a nice stinky wet bit underneath. Sometimes I just cant be arsed with people. Not even my favourite people. A whole weekend filled with people was enough right then and I happily trotted on the ‘village walk’ consisting mainly of a long main road ahead of the other drinking my diet coke and listening to my new Maroon 5 album. People are so annoying. We went for another bit of a walk and looked at some cows and then we called it a day. We headed home for some chilling time and didn’t really fancy doing a roast and fancied having a crack at a slimming world ‘fakeaway’ I read about mushy pea curries and wasn’t convinced but the reviews were pretty good. I added some of the Maryland Chinese sauce that the slimmers rave about but unfortunately it was very disappointing. I’d used turkey in it and you could really taste the mushy peas. I ate it anyway as I’d made a pretty big batch. Mr D hardly ate any and in our whole time together its only about the third meal he wouldn’t eat. (the first was a dodgy folded over frozen pizza that didn’t defrost very well when we were hungover)

Fail on the fakeaway.

I’m realy into the Slimming World Facebook groups. A general one and the group one. I find it really good for ideas, staying n track and for positive vibes but some people and some posts are seriously fucking stupid. My fave stupid post of the day ‘If I drink my yogurt instead of eating it will it be syns?’ for fucks sake!

15/09/14 I got called into work today and really could not be arsed. I was sitting snuggled in bed hoping the phone wouldn’t ring. When it did I had to say yes because I had no reason not to. I had no plans and always extra money for the wedding pot. What was I going to do staying in bed? I had the Monday morning blues all the way to work but I arrived to see I was in a class that i know and really like in the morning. Most of the kids were doing tests so I just spent time playing matching games with a few students. Iater it was some of the left over pretty grim mushy pea curry for my lunch. I didnt have much time to plan with half an hour to get ready this morning and I don’t like to waste food especially with it being low in syns so weird mushy pea curry it was. It actually seemed to taste better the second day. In the afternoon I went to a class that I didn’t know, with students I didn’t really know many of and Isomehow ended up off site on my own playing golf with 3 students. Unfortunately the golf only lasted 10 minutes so I had nearly an hour to kill. Got to admit it was a pretty long hour. Its days like today I miss my old job. I miss responsibility. In my lasts few months before it went sour I was on SLT! And now I’m definitely not. I hope I don’t lose my skills Ive learnt over the years. I feel a bit nothing today.

I witnessed an awful thing tonight when visiting Mr Ds family I don’t want to go in to detail as its not fair as its Mr Ds family. All I can say is I should of acted quicker and felt absolutely awful for not doing enough to help. I should of done more I should of been quicker. I cant describe how terrible I feel tonight.

16/09/14 Having my daily nose through the slimming world facebook page I noticed people talking about that when they do exercise on slimming world it makes them put on weight so their not going to bother. What? Well I don’t want to just lose weight I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. Surely  promoting a healthy lifestyle would be a good thing? Well I’m not planning on having lots of saggy skin if I can help it. I cant see how exercising wouldn’t help. In weight watchers (I shiuldnt even say that word as a slimming world member) you got extra points to eat/drink from exercising. I miss that on this diet, the chance to have extra calories. So off I went to the booby shaking Dance fit class. I really wasn’t in the mood and was tempted to just go for a stroll around b and m instead but I made it. It felt good to be back in a class I do feel better for doing them. It was the same usual booby shaking hip hoppy hippy kind of class. The only problem was a lady kept standing right infront of my view to the instructer now this wouldn’t be too bad if she didn’t keep touching herself.  She was constently brushing past her breasts and touching her inner thighs. Look love, a gym class is not the place to start touching yourself up! Maybe she likes the instructer and sees it as a bit of live soft porn with all the thrusting and grunting.

Pretty average shift at work. Nothing to report apart from I’m not sure how I’m going to keep having these jacket potatoe with beans. The jackets always taste watery and they're microwaved ones. Putting them in the oven for 10 minutes is obviously too much like hard work. As we ate dinner at 4.30, by 8pm  I was really craving cake! All I wanted was  a yummy chocolate melt in the middle cake with custard! That would be sooo good right now. Normally I crave carbs but on this diet I can eat carbs! Now I want chocolate!! This week I’m not drinking I’ll use my syns for something yummy!

 Just worked how to make my own ‘fatbirdturning30’ facebook page! Fabulous maybe I can start working out how to promote my blog! I really appreciate everybodies support. I will pop some of my recipes, outfit choices and dilemmas on my new page!

I have no idea how I can have lost weight this week. I look so bloated tonight. I’m fatter! Normally when I do  health kick for a week I feel great. Thinner, healthier. I feel bloody horrible and my skins bad too. Cant someone give me a break? Its shit enough being  a fatty do I need to have bad skin too?!