All diets start on Monday right?

28/8/14- It was a weird feeling waking up the next day not really having anything to do. Part of me wanted to be lazy and do nothing but this was hard after being so busy and doing such amazing things. No elephant rides today! Any thoughts of a diet were totaly out of the window. All I could think about was all the food I’d been craving and the foods we’d missed. On the aeroplane all we did was eat! They kept bringing us food out all day. Snacks, ice cream, full meals! I couldn’t eat anything for the rest of the day! But today we were hungry and we wanted sausage!! So why not start the day with sausage and cheese bagels for breakfast. No frankfurters in our house. It would have been nicer with some salad cream but I daren’t have it in as I’d just eat it on everything and that would be quite a few calories! We went to collect the pooch but Mr Ds parents weren’t in so we didn’t stay. I was feeling more and more ill as the day went on. Both me and Mr D had a sore throat at the end of the holiday but I was really feeling shity right now. Lets hope I’m not dying from eating ice cubes in India. I decided to just cosy up in the corner of the sofa and feel sorry for myself. After a few hours of catching up on any crappy TV we’d missed Mr D being fabulous went out and got us a subway. A new Sybway has opened in the garage near our house! This is fantastic but dangerous!! He didn’t come back with my usual 6 inch but a foot long! Ive only had a foot long once when I was drunk which is pretty good for a fat bird. But being ill, jet lagged and missed my good English carbs I ate the lot! And it was good. I bloody love a subway, as long as I stay clear of the big meatball and cheese numbers I should be okay! Well today I didn’t care. I pretty much didn’t move for the rest of the afternoon. Mr  D went to the shop for carrots and potatoes and came back with alsorts of goodies. He bought me lemsips and posh bubble bath to make me feel better. He also bought alsorts of other random things that would have been much cheaper bought at home bargains but I’ll let him off J The rest of the day pretty much carried on like this. Sitting on my fat ass then eating. I cooked us up toad in the hole with crispy roast potatoes and honey glazed carrots for tea which rich gravy. Ive got to admit it was good. We couldn’t even fit in the lemon tarts Mr D had bought. Ugh hope I feel better tomorrow.

Catching up on the internet the world has gone mad on ‘ice Bucket challenges’ It is all over facebook i cant bloody see anything else. Apparently its all supposed to be for a charity but I have seen no sign of anything to do with a charity. Its completly boring me. Why are people such sheep and just follow each other? Be individual! Go give a poor person a apple! (That might not work so much in England) Spend some time doing some charity work! All this text chairity numbers get taxed! People bloody annoy me! Or its supposed to be promoting the charity ‘raising awerness’well its not shown me any awareness as I haven’t seen anything about the charity! Rant over Im going to bed.

29/08/14 Mr D was up early and back at work today which was sad. That really meant holiday time was over. Luckily I was well organised and had booked in a Alton Towers Spa Day for me, mum, nan and Mrs B. Perfect. I am so well organised sometimes i totally impress myself. Strangely enough standing infront of the mirror in my swimming costume I felt okay. I didn’t feel like I’d put loads of holiday weight on like I thought I would and was actually pretty chuffed with myself. I picked everybody up and we headed to the spa. I enjoyed telling everybody all the tales of Indian and the adventures we got up too. We were giving our towels, slippers and a dressing gown. I hate the general dressing gowns you get at these places. You think all the money you pay to go to a spa they could have dressing gowns in different sizes! It didn’t fit right. It did up over my fat belly but strained and exposed all my thighs. To be honest i wasn’t  that bothered as i was right next to the spa area so didn’t have to traipse through a bar or reception where other people can see me. Just straight in to the spa where I can whip it off and get in the pool! It was a nice little spa and not too busy. Unlimited free fruit and fruit  tea bonus! After a apple, orange and a apple  I was bored of fruit. To be honest Im not really a big fan I only eat it because I should! And on this occasion because it was free! We spent some time in the whirl pool, the Jacuzzi, in the steam room, soaked my feet in the foot bath. Had a brief swim and I mean brief I did about 2 widths! Well it was for relaxing not exercicing! Then I cracked out the chocolate biscuits that mum had left me. She left me some fruit, milk, choccie biccies and some flowers to come home to! Such a nice thought but when I cracked them out she moaned that she’d bought me the fruit and Mr D the biscuits! Well she should of said! (and Mr D isn’t a massive fan of biscuits anyway!) She was soon having a few so she wasn’t that bothered! After some more relaxation our time was up and we went to get changed. The changing rooms were tiny! There were no separate ones and as well as the 4 of us there were 3 other people crammed in. All trying to get changed and trying to get in to lockers people were changing infront of each other! It was bad. I don’t do changing infont of people! Its hard to cover a fat ass like mine and I don’t fancy  awkwardly trying to put my undies on under a towel that only just reachs around me.Then you have to hold the towel together with one hand whilst trying to put your bra on with the other. I made the best option and got changed in the loo. Which is nearly as bad and pretty minging but at least I was on my own! I’d rather be elbowing the walls in the loo than risk a boob falling out or even worse dropping my towel all together!

We then headed for lunch and there was a healthy section and a naughty but nice. It all looked quite good but still not remotely feeling like being back on a diet I went for naughty and had a steak ciabatta. How I’d missed bread!! The other 3 didnt decide so quick. Mum and nan were debating as they are both on Slimming World. Mum has been doing really well and lost a stone but shes hit that stage where shes been doing really well and now has started letting naughty things slip in. I tried to encourage her by reminding her to count all the syns but think she thought I was taking the piss. I genuinely wasn’t I just don’t want her to give up when shes being doing so well. They both chose ceasar salads and Mrs B debated for a long time if to be good or bad. Even somebody as mega fit and super slender as Mrs B still has these massive food debates. She went for a ciabatta like me. The whole process seemed to take forever and mum and nans salad had a really spicy (I couldnt taste it?!) dressing on it so that had to go back and a sandwhich had to come. It took a long time!! By the time I dropt everyone home afterwards it was 5.30pm! We’d got dry at 2.15!

Looked up our friends we met on holiday on facebook couldn’t find them. Thats sad was hoping to swap pics. I have a good one of them on a elephant! I guess you just assumer everyones on facebook these days!

30/08/14 Today I feel exactly the opposite of how I felt yesterday I feel fat. It only takes a few days of eating what I want and the pounds creep on. I feel minging but still feeling ill I had no energy to contemplate going back to the gym like I wanted. I needed to get better for tonight! There was no way I was letting Minge down tonight. Her leaving do was in the summer weeks after she left so people had made poor excuses and some folk were on holidays. I’d have to be on my death bed to let her down! I had another lazy day drinking lemsips and trying to get myself on form. Feeling fat I had nothing to wear. I tried on a dress with a belt round the middle that felt a bit snug but looked okay from the front but then I saw it from the back! Where was my belt it had disappeared under back fat!! Oh my god how mortifying! Ive turned in to one of those fat birds with 10 backs. I sometimes i think I hate back fat more than my fat belly! It just kind of creeps up on you and you can look as fabulous and sucked in as you want at the front but you could be looking absolutely hideous from behind! I went to the back of my wardrobe and found an old classic beautiful green 50s style number I’d for gotten about! Fabulous, fits lovely. Fuck you back fat! I look good.

We went to Moon Sha. Me and my bro loooooove Moonsha so hoped Minge would like it too! Also Mr D hasnt been before and I thought he'd really like it. Its Japenese and I odered the beef curry. I felt like I’d not ate beef in ages!! Bloody Holy Cows! They taste good! But it wasn’t like the chicken one where it comes like southern fried chicken in a curry. It was good though, didn’t have a starter or anything so kept it simple and didn’t over indulge so plenty of room for drinking!! Drinks were pricey but we headed up to the private karaoke room. After already having a few drinks we got stuck straight in and me and my bro got the party started with some Mcfly! The drinks flowed and so did the singing. It was a good atmosphere tonight with a couple of hen parties and a couple. The problem with the place is the karaoke list fills up pretty quick and then they don’t take any more requests and then other people start stealing your songs. I went a few years ago on my birthday and by the end of the night when people were stealing our final songs I was not happy and caused a argument by drunkly saying ‘ This bird has stole my song and shes shit!’ I had to be dragged out by friends. But now I have learnt my lesson and put lots of songs down for all of us on the list early on! We didn’t need to worry though the hen parties didn’t sing much and by the end of the night us was just us and the couple and both of the guys were very good singers. We danced around being silly and having a fabulous time singing the night away. I pulled out a old song out the bang that I’d not sang for 10 years when I was a music student. I sang ‘beautiful’ and for the first time Mr D said it was the first time he’d heard me sing properly (I guess he doesn’t count me belting out a Mcfly number?!) and said I sang beautifully. My bro said it was one of my best too. Must remember this one for future! They kept saying just one more song and then they’d keep putting a few more on. It was a brilliant night. Good food, good company, good entertainment! Then I fell over in the car park .

31/08/14 Woke up not feeling too rough but Mcdonalds wrappers sprawn along the floor next to my bed remind me of the greedy drunken binge I had last night. Ugh. We ended up at 2am getting a naughty Mcdonalds on the way home. Baaaadddd. Todays my last day before I start my health kick. All diets start on a Monday right? After having 20 minutes feeling quiet spritely doing some washing, tidying up the random cocktail  concoxion and the empty bottles from last night in then started to go down hill. First the headache started and the general feeling of shitness kicked in. After going back to bed and for a few hours me and Mr D decided we better shift our asses out of bed. Feeling really crappy by this point I made it to the sofa. We both really fancied pie and chips. Not crappy pie either some good hearty crusty steak pie. Mr D went to the supermarket and came back with some Higgly Pigdly £3.50 a pie so that price they must be good? We made some homemade chips and commited the ultimate fatty sin and deep fried them but was added some peas so at least we have one of our 5 a day! After all that effort and back on the sofa with none stop ‘Bates Motel’  it was actually disappointing. The pie was pretty poor I didn’t taste any stilton there wasn’t much steak in it. The chips we’d over done a bit but we polished it all off and then just flopped on the sofa feeling sorry for myself for the next 3 hours. I could have done it all day but my parents were making us a picnic to go to Darley park Concert. I really had to drag my arse into the shower and then I hit the I’m grumpy and wish I didn’t have to leave the house stage. The fresh air actually helped and it was good filling my step dad in about India and my mum made a good picnic. Cant beat a good tuna cob when your feeling rough! Mums was still in the whoo Ive lost a stone now I’m going to eat bread stage. How is it that we recognise our flaws yet we still do them over and over again? I don’t pull my mum up on it because I want to bring up her flaws but because I don’t want her to make the mistake I make so often and undo all the hard work youve just done.  We didnt stay too long are arses were aching sitting on the floor we couldn’t hear the music that well and it was rammed. It would have been nice to see the fireworks but the thought of sitting there for another few hours just wasn’t do able. We headed home vowing to next year bring chairs and drinks and do it properly. We went straight back to the sofa ignoring todays pots and last nights cocktail pots. Fuck it today is for lazing!!

01/09/14- Wow as if its September already. All the lets get thin for summer thoughts gone and buried and now the ‘lets get thin for Christmas starts’ So much for my ‘I’ll smash in the summer holidays’ Where did the summer holidays even go? Wish I’d smashed it as soon as I’d got back from India. I now have 2 days before I go back to work. Can I get thin in 2 days? Ha. If only. Well I’ve started the morning with a green tea so thats a good start!

I nipped out this morning to pick up a Christmas present for my neice. My appointment to see my theropist was at 12. The closer I got to the time the more I really didn’t want to go. Whats the point? I really wasn’t in the mood to be talked at and to be honest I just didn’t feel like talking to people today. So I spent the day by myself pottering around B and Q sale and buying many random items. Upcycling some furniture I was quite content. I went to morrions salad bar for my lunch thinking that would be a healthy choice. I found myself filling my box with deli potatoe salad, coleslaw, cornation rice, pesto pasta and not so much of the green stuff! I bought some chicken too so to be honest I only picked at the salad box anyway. They should put the calories next to these things I bet it would have been better for me to eat a sausage roll! As I walked the dog I realised how shity I was still feeling. My body just ached, my head still stuffy, I had no energy. I don’t think going out Saturday night helped me getting better. I’d made plans to get back on it and go to Insanity today but I don’t think I’ll make it through the first 5 minutes like this! I really wanted to get back on it today but I’m not in the full of energy, motivated person I wanted to be. I couldn’t even face going to the shop tonight. Needed some bargains but just couldn’t face going. Its only the bloody local shop whats wrong with me? Sent Mr D. Hes a good egg.

Some days I’m just in a world of my own. I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel happy I kind of just zombie through the day. I don’t really want to speak to people I don’t want to have to interact with people I just want to do my own thing. I’m not sure if this is weird. I cant snap out of I just hope I’ll wake up feeling happier tomorrow.

When I fancied supper I just sat there and stared at my big fat belly. Poked it, watched the wobble.  I’m not having supper.

02/09/14 Ive woken up feeling a bit more cheerful today even if Mr Ds alarm went off at 6.40am! Cant believe its the last day of the holidays already!! Where the bloody hell have they gone?! I felt hungry early and sat in bed watching some morning TV with my scrambled eggs.

Todays shopping trip started off fantastic. I didn’t really need anything but I met up with Minge who also like a good bargain and we hit the charity shops. I got myself 2 gorgeous 40s style dresses. One was a little bit more clingy than I’d like but I am a proper fatty right now so a few weeks on it and it will look much nicer. We then hit a few sales and I could of actually bought myself quite a few things today its probably because I don’t need anything. If I had needed a dress for a event I’d of probably spent hours going round the shops and not find anything in my size and just been miserable. But that was not today!! 2 dresses, a skirt, bag, sunglasses, some hair extensions and a pressie for the mister I was pretty chuffed and we stopped for some lunch. In my chuffedness I didn’t really think of eating healthy I had panni that came with chips and washed it down with a milkshake. Thats pretty bad! I just love those milkshakes where you can pick your own chocolate to put in it. It was just too tempted and it was bloody beautiful. Snickers every time!! Mm

Minge then got it in her head that she wanted to just go and look at some wedding dresses. I wasn’t keen. She said youve got less than a year you need to get on it! I tried to explain that the thought of walking in to a wedding dres shop where I cant try on any dresses because I’m too fat and snooty shop people looking at me in that way which you know it means I’m too fat for their dresses. She mananged to convince me that we could at least just have a look and sold the idea. We found a shop that didn’t seem too bad and saw a few things I quite liked. Minge does have a point that I do need to look at some because the ideas I have in my head that I want might be completly different once Ive tried some on. The shop assistant explained that they only have the sizes they have on the hangers. Ugh . Strangley the one I picked up was in my current fat bastard size though a friend had told me recently that when it comes to wedding dress you have to have them about 3 sizes bigger. That would make me a very fat bastard size!! It was as awful as I thought. It wasn’t big enough and she couldn’t remotely do it up at the back. How could I see how it fitted properly when she was just trying to hold the back together and not doing a very good job of it! All my horrible back was hanging out no wonder she couldn’t do it up. I couldn’t tell how it would fit me on the bust so it was completly pointless. I felt absolutely horrible. Its been a while since Ive felt this fat and minging. Minge had no idea how I was feeling because shes a size 8 and could have tried on most of the dresses in there she couldn’t get her head round why I wasn’t excited. I don’t want to even think about dresses now until I’m thinner. Maybe this is the kick up the bum I needed because I couldn’t feel more disgusting right now.

I had a few tears on Mr D when he got home. I cant get married looking like this.