Why am I watching a programme about cakes?

13/10/14 Got called up early again so got straight in the shower. The early the better I like to have chance to potter round a bit, have a little tidy up. Then run around like a mad head with 10 minutes to do everything. No yogurts left so I quickly zapped some spaghetti and put on a slice of toast. It was then red hot so was trying to get ready and eat boiling spaghetti at the same time. I was in a class I knew quite well today we went out in the morning and had music in the afternoon. Nice day, I was organised and had some leftover vegetable rice with a bit of pulled pork. Left overs are so important in this diet! Its not like I can just grab a sandwhich!

Theres a new charity craze on the internet today. On Monday go braless for cancer research. Here we going again ‘swing your bra round your head, set it on fire and cover your tits in glitter all for cancer research.  Are you mad? These bangers do not need to be bouncing around in my face all day and its hardly professional if your a bit cold or you bend over and accidently flash a bit of nip!! Get a grip people! I took a car load full of stuff to the charity shop last week. Thats my bit!

14/10/14 I manged to doze back of to sleep this morning and woke up at 8.45am perfect timing for the gym. (I was tempted to stay in bed) I was not letting myself give any excuses! Off I went to Booby shaking class. A few newbies this week. I was sandwhiched between a gran in her marks and spencers pumps and new pink top and Myly Cyrus with her swinging dip dyed pony tail and a daddy related tattoo written up her inside arm. Grinding and shaking their booties. It was like a weird ménage a trois.To top it off Detective man was infront of me this week in incredibly short pink shorts with long stork like legs coming out of them and tight black vest showing off his little moobs. This would make a grim porno. I had to put up with this awful grinding around me for the next hour. She said next week we’d be doing some partner work. Ugh NO THANKYOU! I come alone! Last time I ended up paired with a really tiny lady half the size of me and she had to hold all my weight followed by me lying on the floor with her sweaty vag right near my face!! Note to self, don’t bother next week!!

I popped in to take my grandparents some goodies then had my usual rush to eat something substaional and healthy, making sure Im ready and out the door by 12.40. Leftovers for lunch today not great but I don’t like to waste anything!

Off to work. The evenings are getting darker and colder and I can see how its going to be a lot harder to work lates in the winter than the summer. I am not looking forward to finishing work to a frozen windscreen!!

15/10/14 Up early for my split shift and ate my yogurt as the students had cereal and toast. Cant remember the last time I ate cereal. The only problem with cereal is I would never be able to just have that tiny allowance amount. I like a big fat bowl full to the top with lots of milk. Thats why I don’t have cereal. Nipped in to say hello to my mum and neice and then went home to prepare my lunch and finish my fruit crumble for fat club. I cooked all the fruit and made a oaty topping with a little bit of honey and some apricots and raisons. Unfortuantely it would have to be syned even though its fruit because when its cooked you eat a lot more than you normally do. So what if you only have a small bit??

This week for class we all had to take in low syned goodies for group buffet. People all went out there was so many goodies! I stood in the queue waiting to get weighed  looking at all the goodies and just wanting to pick. I was disappointed to have only lost half a pound. It must be the takeaways as you cant really syn them properly as they might be putting a whole load of oil in them! Ugh. Oh well buffet time.One of the reasons I like my group is because every body gets really involved. Ive been to many diet clubs over the years and this is my favourite. Ive never really been over bothered about getting involved before but I feel different right now. I hit the buffet and started by trying to have things I knew were free and then I saw puddings!! Different little chocolate yummys! I had to really reign myself in or I could of stuffed my face full of little chocolate treats! Me and one of the girls snook back up for more chocolate. My crumble went down well and I managed to count the syns for what I had and didn’t go crazy. I had a chat to some of the girls that are doing so well and my new internet slimming buddies. I like it because there obsessed with the diet like me and can talk slimming world recipes and ideas until they are blue in the face, like me. The only way I can do it is if I obsess over it. L one of the girls whos doing so well had had a really bad 3 weeks and admitted to full on bingeing at times but this week she then lost 1 stone 4lb!! Thats mental in one week!! She really must have been bad! I got my sticker for my first stone off! One stone gone forever whoo!!

At work seeing my disappointment with half a pound they showed me in the nurses room what a pound of fat looks like and it was massive! And quite heavy. Half of one of those in a week is actually not bad! Go me!

Busy shift with power cuts mid way! I ate my lunch for tea instead which I’d put a few too many chillis in and it blew my head off! I love fresh chillis with light philidelphia. Hot and cool. I avoided the shortbread biscuits even though they looked pretty good.

No treat days for me! I will be thin!

The rain was none stop and perfect timing on the A38 on the way home my windscreen wipers stopped working! I got home and told me D. He gave the same words he always does when I moan about cars. ‘Oh well you have to expect to spend money on cars. You cant be annoyed because of it’ Yes I bloody can. It cost me £125 last week and now it needs something else so yes i can be pissed off!! Hundreds of my hard earned cash on my stupid shity car I don’t like!

16/10/14 I stayed in bed as Mr D went to work and lazed around for about 45 minutes until I decided I wanted to cook. 8.30am making a packet pasta frittata. I soaked the cheese and brocilli pasta meal in the some hot water and then blanched some brocilli, greenbeans and peas. Then whacked it all it a oven dish with bits of bacon, peppers, mushrooms and eggs. Then sprinkled some light cheese on the top. I made Mr D a proper quiche that looked good also. Cant beat a bit of pastry!

It was then time for my first councelling sessionI was unsure of what to think after my disastourous behaviour therapy. I felt a little apprehensive but instantly felt fine as soon as I met M. She was about 60 friendly but not too friendly. She said she hadn’t read any notes on me so she could make her own opinion. She told me that councelling is a chance for me to talk and she could help me with my predicaments. She asked me why I was referred to theropy so I started to tell the whole story of how badly I was treated at my old job by the head teacher who bullied and isolated staff she chose that she no longer liked me  . She was quite shocked about the things that I told her and I then went on to present day, my job now, where im at and what worries me. She was great she listened and gave me advice that was not patronising quite the opposite. She told me what a confident, clever person I was and that I had my future plans mapped out and what I want to do. She didnt understand why I an attractive confident need to be writing a blog about trying to lose weight. She then just gave little bits of advise and backing up my ideas. She really backed my idea about studying and told me I need to look how black and white I look at people. As in i either like people or I don’t. At the end she did tell me that she had something she had to say. Wasnt sure what to expect?! But she told me that she remembers me, my brother and my mum from my primary school as I workd there. She recognised my surname and even though she never taught me , knew me. That is a impressive memory. I did recognise my surname but wouldn’t have knwon her. I told her this was absolutely fine and actually left feeling good.

I then went to see my dying Aunty. I popped to get her a card. What kind of card do you get fro someone thats dying? Cant get a get well soon! Im guessing I shouldn’t take chocolate. If I was dying I would want someone to be feeding me Chinese take away through a straw!I felt sick driving to see her.  Im glad I went though  I told her about my trip to India where the family lived when she was young.  We talked about stories from when we were young and I told her how were all doing. I think my other Aunty was pleased I’d come.

 I went to work and I just want to stuff my face with chocolate! I know Im still in a good place not to actually do it but everything is tempting me! We took the kids to the supermarket to get their meal prep stuff and everything looked tasty. Im craving sweet things again and the millionaire shortbread looked so good I just wanted to smother my face with it! All had in my bag was a apple and diet coke but they didn’t quite cut it. I was supposed to be saving my 2 double choc chip crisp bars as my healthy B for the evening but I devoured 2 in about 2 minutes.

Swimming tonight was great with the kids doing aqua aerobics, they loved it!  mangaged to get a good bit of exercise in too- always a bonus! I didnt go crazy tonight just a few evening goodies.

17/10/14 My alarm went off when I’d finally dozed off to a good sleep. Ugh thats me grumpy all morning.  Didnt sleep well which is no change for a Thursday night. It was my turn in the pool this morning which ended quite disatourous. A sat on the mini bus tired and aching so treated myself to a diet coke and my chocolate brownie slimming world bar (still obsessed with them) When we got back to class it was somebodies birthday so there was a pile of doughnuts and flapjacks. I had to crack out my other slimming world bar so I didn’t feel left out! I need to be pretty proud of myself right now. Tired, grumpy and aching after a tough morning and a doughnut is offered to me and I say no! Thats a pretty good achievement right there! I had some of my leftover fratata with some veggies for lunch Im really trying to keep my syns right down. A nice afternoon out with another class. The kids were tucking into their Friday afternoon treat and I settled for a diet coke. The teacher said ‘You don’t need to be on a diet you always look so lovely’ Its always nice to hear. Thats two people I don’t know well to tell me in 2 days. Pretty good for a fat bird.

I was sooo happy to be home today! Bubble bath, onesie on and I am staying in for the night! No takeaway this week so I needed to pull a good fakeaway out of the bag! Mixed grill! Homemade burger, (frozen from when I did my last batch) weight watcher sausage, tandoori turkey breast, corn on the cob, homemade wedges and salad. Mmmmm good!! Best thing about slimming world its for the folk with a big appetite! Not one of this diets where you have to have farty portions I can have a big hearty portion of mixed grill and feel happy and satisfied on a Friday night. What fucking diet?? Ha!!

18/10/14 Alarm went off early for the hen do extravaganza!! Starting with lazer tag. This is serious. Ive asked to be against my bro of course (the boys are coming this morning) Starting with a breakfast of bacon, mushrrom and spaghetti. Enough for energy but not too stodged up. As I arrived I felt unprepared I had bad stomach ache because I’d not had time for number 2 and didn’t have the right socks on! I was worried this may effect my pefromance. My only option was a porta loo. It had to be done. Was nice to see a few of me old chums. We got our army combat jumpsuits. Incredibly unflattering which I realised once I’d posed for photos making me feel unconftable and thinking about how Ive still got such a long way to go. The hen was in true hen do style with pink onsie, wings and pink army stripes. I might have a pink free hen do. I went full camflage with green face and spent time drawing a big pink dick on Cocks head as they were explaining how to use the guns. I probably should have listened as I didn’t really know what i was doing and made a big run for it with my gun, twisting my ankle afer 7 minutes. Luckily it wasn’t a lasting injury. People were talking about what guy was ex SES I then realised they were talking about Mr D. I found this very amusing Im not sure his skills to fix a tank would help him with a lazer gun! We should have gone along with it. We spent the next few hours running around like made heads. My aims not very good but I reckon it improved. The last game was the flag game. I like the flag game!! This time I held back and waited. Mr D was out after about 1 minute going for the main flag. I am going to bide my time. I went for one of the side flag but bloody Rambo was in there guarding it! I tried to go the other side but he was all over it! Then E got out so I took like a hostage and put her in to the tunnel quickly changed the flag and got out of there but I did it all too early Rambo changed the flag back and I died. Fucking bastard Rambo. Game over, over all wine to the Blue team!! Whoop, whoop!

We then went home with our army make up on blaring out the 90s tune full pelt and having a collective dance moves to take that. Im sure it looked amusing at the traffic lights 6 adults with face paint doing a dance routine with Take That blasting out the window. We got home and had time to chill out. I attempted to make some prawn balls I’d seen on the slimming world page. Smash (made up with the right water so not a tweak) savoury rice, prawns and spring onions made it to little fritters. They tasted like shit! I'd put all the energy and time into making them I'll bloody dunk them into baked beans and they'll be fine. Nothing worse than putting effort and ingrediants into a recipe that turns out like dog shit!

Little bit of relaxing time then got ready for the big night out. Apart from no matter how long I seem to leave my nails to dry they always smudge other than I was feeling quite nice tonight. I put on the polka dot charity number I'd been looking forward to wearing and curled up my long dip dyed extentions. I feel thinner and when i got in the car for the lift my bro and sister in law said they could deffo tell I'd lost weight! Finally its happening, now not to blow it on a night out! The first glass of wine went down nicely quickly followed by a couple of girly pink cans of perry (pretty much lambrini! This was guna be a big sess! By the time we got on the boat and had a vodka drinking game infront of us our group were already merry! The rest of the hen party were calm and sober. The group opposite us looked like they were out of the only wasy is Essex and got their style tips from Jordan. The third group all somber and in black looked like they were from a funeral but I belive it was a birthday. We played out drinking game with spicy vodka shots and a waitress came and warned us to put it away. We protested about it being part of the hen party games and got it straight out when she left. 10 minutes later she came back and took it off us. I manged to get a sneeky one to the bride, I was nice only gave her half a shot of the extreme chilli one whilst her mother looked at me like I was a creature off the moon! Im not sure shes ever been to a hen party before well not in the past 40 years anyway. Things only went down hill from here my booze filled gift bag (mainly vodka) went down quickly. A few girls were in full princess outfits the rest hadnt bothered. One girl who asked to join our rowdy end of the table said the only message she'd got was that they had to go in full outfits so they felt like idiots when they turned up. There was a few bought mermaid outfits would have liked to crack out my homemade one but we had our cardboard tiasras with jewels on! The food was a carvery which was a bit odd for a booze cruise but it meant even in my drunkeness I could stick to plan. I had some meat, veg and new potatoes didnt have any of the naughties not even gravy! I am bloody good. Things got messy there was lots of dancing and the hen managed to escape the oldies and was having a good time! It was great to spend a drunken night with some of my old work mates their such piss heads and so much fun! Theres a video with my dancing with my skirt up over one of thems head (no undies on show!) photos of seeing how low we could dance then me on the floor! I snook it round the back of the bar looking for my shots of vodka (never found them, or got caught!) we went upstairs and traded some crowns for some flower garlands I remember Mrs B saying to me put that pot on your head. I did. It was filled with water I was soaked for the rest of the night but too pissed to care I carried on regardless. There was some dodgy attempt to climb on the side of the boat but even we werent stupid enough to finish that task! there were big plans to go out in Derby when we got back but we were all pissed as farts and not being as young as we used to be headed home with sashes tied round our heads. Absolutly brilliant night!!

19/10/14 Woke up at 6.30am needing the loo. I then thought it would be a great idea to tell Mr D over and over that I loved him. (sounded romantic to me at the time) he didn’t think it was that romantic that I’d woke him up really early on a Sunday. Managed to get a few hours more sleep and then scoured the room for any signs of take aways of naughtys. I found 2 babybell light wrappers, a healthy extra slimming world bar wrapper and 2 empty packets of space raiders which is a total of 6 syns! Much better than the usual drunken mcdoanlds take drive through! Pretty chuffed with myself actually. I then convinced  Mr D that getting some fresh air would make me feel better so we’d have to go for a wonder round the carboot. I started off quite jolly but soon deteriated and realised I must have still been pissed and the hangover was starting to kick in! Didnt buy much by the end I was struggling to even focus on anything. On the car ride home I started to feel really shity. Not only was my head aching and feeling heavy. Tired, dizzy and now I started to feel a bit sick. We stopped at the shop so Mr D could buy some bits for brekkie and I had a ribena light which I was hoping would make me feel better!! I was happy to be home and snuggled up in the corner of the sofa with my ribena and some Kirsty Allsop on the TV whilst the Mr was making me breakfast. Why am I watching a programme about cakes when I feel crap havnet eaten anything all morning and I would love to have a scone with jam and cream right now!! Mmm I love scones! After sitting drooling at scones and chocolate brownies for about an hour breakfast was finally served!! I was worried that because I felt a bit sick that I wouldn’t be able to keep it down but I managed it and it was just what I needed and he made it completly syn free!! I love it how hes really helping me with the plan.

I felt shitty after breakfast. Trapped wind like I wanted to burp but couldnt. I paced around after half an hour it faded and I just curled up on the sofa for a few hours. Managed to pop to sainsburys but the bargains were crap. Not many goodies at all. I felt well enough to pull together a roast dinner (slimming world friendly) I even got the homemade 1 syn yorkshires out the freezer. That was enough effort for me for one hangover day.

I seriously dont want to drink again for a long time! It may have been a fab night but its been a really pretty autumn Sunday and Ive done fuck all and wasted my day through feeling like shit! So many nights out coming up too I just dont know how Im going to juggle them all with the diet and still lose weight!! Ugh