'Are you growing a baby?'

My Blog is important to me, it is my ups and downs of trying to lose weight. Unfortunately most things in my life effect me trying to lose weight that which makes my Blog like a diary. I say what I feel. This Blog is anonymous you wont  find any full names, places of work or photographs of my face. If you think your in this Blog and are offended then you cant know me very well. I know my readers and I wouldn’t set out to offend them, Im quite happy to voice any problems I have in person. This is not my flaw it shouldnt be me looking at myself because of this. The problem with technology is when you read a text/email/blog you can easily take them in a way that it was not intended. I suggest people should re read things a few times before acting upon it. I hope the people I surround myself with can equally speak to me. I have a good following of people who understand me and support me but unfortunately my Blog will have to now change slightly. Im not angry about this just disappointed. If you don’t get me, don’t follow my Blog.

29/09/14 The dreaded Monday morning where Mr D goes off to work and I then spend the next half an hour waiting to see if I get called in to do supply. I should probably get showered and dressed just in case as if the call is made at 8.10 I only have 20 minutes to get showered, ready, have a filling slimming world breakfast and prepare a slimming world lunch!  As I waited I thought how I should do something better with my Mondays, like study. I would like to go to University so I could further my career but it would mean starting right at the beginning. I would need to do a access course which Im sure is a year full time so one day a week  would take a while and thats before I even start the degree! Then theres the expense, how would I bloody afford it? And then it would take me about 9 years to do so by the time Im 40 I’ll have a degree whoo! Ive been looking on and off for years maybe if I'd done it before I would be a third of the way through by now. Maybe I’ll google it anyway. The phone call didn’t come so time to enjoy my Monday off!

I started by getting on top of a few things. I emailed the therapy place today after trying to contact them several times  about wanting to switch from behaviour therapy. Ive received 2 letters from them saying I'm being taken off their system and not received any calls back which I asked for so I emailed to speak to the Manager. She responded quickly, apologised and has quickly got me an appointment with someone different for counselling. I achieved what I wanted but do I want counselling?? I did the extremely boring task of taking my mum shopping. Mum can have blond moments sometimes and spend 10 minutes on the vegetable isle looking for cheese. Shopping takes a while and I really didn't want to be spending any money. I then took my nan swimming again. A good afternoon natter about weddings and diets (is this all I talk about?!) whilst having a leisurely swim. Not a bad way to spend a afternoon.

I like to have baths at random times of the day. Today 5pm its nice to smell fresh when your Mr walks through the door. I cant get internet in the bathroom but I managed to set my laptop outside the door on the wash basket. I had to sit at the tap end which is shity as you end up with hot and cold shooting through your back at if you lean back too far! I was catching up with the weekend X Factor and the 28 year old woman came on, the one with the long pink hair extentions. Dont get me wrong I still wear bows in my hair and dye my hair random colours from time to time but she dresses like shes 15! Rara skirt and a big orange backwards cap? Really?

I made bulger wheat in the slow cooker today. Chucked in spring onions, mushrooms, sugar snap peas, spinach, bulger wheat and a jug of stock. It cooked really quick actually I left it a little too long (2 hours and it had gone more like risotto) but is good if you quickly want a nice flavoured bulger wheat which is better for you than rice. I cooked it with a lamb steak which I removed all the fat but it says in the book that this might still be syns. Well I have no idea how many? How would you work that out? It was a lean bit of meat and I ate no fat so that should be syn free? I kept my syns low just incase.

Spent the evening chilling with the Mr and having messages from my friends cancelling future plans. Sometimes I don’t know why I bother with people. Its always me trying to get together and organise things. I swear if it wasn’t me that made all the effort I wouldn’t ever see anyone. Im a bit fed of it all Im going to bed.

30/09/14 I woke up feeling a little deflated this morning. Normally 3 weeks in to a diet when Ive really stuck to it I feel so much better and I can tell in my clothes. I don’t yet. Ive joined all these different groups on facebook to find out about different diets people are doing and to promote my blog and people are dropping a few stone in weeks! I know that thats not healthy to do and Im doing it the best way but Im just feeling inpatient. I put my skirt on this morning which a year ago I had to put a stitch in to take it in because it was too big. Its still a little snug (without the stitch!) All I did then was 3 weeks with no carbs and I dropped a stone and must of lost a good few inches. All these carbs Im eating don’t feel good for me! Maybe I should try and cut them down a bit. I was going to eat homemade chips for lunch but think I’ll make myself a big chicken salad and go to the gym first!!

Went to booby shaking hip hop hippy class. Dance fit. I parked myself out the way in the far corner of the room so then nobody get in my elbow space or any sweaty bum cracks in my face! A few regulars were there and the guy out of ‘The Dectectives’ (Not Jasper Carrot the other one) got closer than he needed to get to me and kept looking in my direction like he wanted to chat. I kept looking in the other direction his tiny shorts left nothing to the imagination and I was worried if he bent down near me I would get full view of a sweaty ball sack. He had lovely pink socks on and diamonte detail on his t shirt. He was really feeling the new dance to a Micheal Jackson number shaking his thang! I felt positive being back in class and exercising! I vowed that I would start getting back to Thursday classes also, I will shift this weight!! Ooshh in the zone.

Work wasn’t so bad for a Tuesday I ate my usual jacket poatoe with beans for dinner and didnt do any snacking. Got to do my cooking plan tonight and we went shopping for ingrediants before making healthy pitta bread pizzas with loads of veggies on for supper. This went down well for a first cooking session. I may have to make these at home instead of using all my 15 syns on a bloody crap pizza base!

Today a young person said to me whilst poking my stomach ‘Are you growing a baby?’ Just as I was starting to feel bloody thinner!! And its like shes some drunk in the pub saying it. Kids don’t lie, they say it how they see it! Bloody tight skirt and I bloody look pregnant!!

01/10/14 Split shifts are tiring. I got in last night after 10.30pm and then had to get up at 6.40 to start work at 7.30am uggggghhhhh. I went to work ina zombie stylein a tired trance but had woke up a little by the time I arrived. It was busy busy at work had a none stop 2 hours getting the students fed and ready for school.  I decided to head straight home for a short dooze but after sorting out washing, dinner and cleaning up it was already time for fat club! I arrived last but just in time to get weighed I felt a bit of pressure as everyone was sitting round a circle waiting for me to get weighed so they could start the meeting! I knew it wouldn’t be a big loss as I just wasn’t feeling it. I normally know my body well enought to know when Im doing well. 1.5lb off. 10lb in 3 weeks. Cant help but feel disappointed. I want big things and quick! I sat in the circle and ate my pasta with roasted veggies, bacon, light philli and total group whilst they went round all the members and discussed there week. I quite like this idea as you really want to share good things with the group and not the leader to stand in front of everyone and say ‘So why have you put on 2lb this week?!’ As I arrive last and have to go before the end Ive never got round to me before but mum was busy today so I stayed. As I was last people were looking a bit bored they’d already discussed some people in a lot of detail and it was getting close to 12.30 so I didn’t have much choice but to keep it short and sweet. Everyone said how well I’d done and Im on avaverage losing 3.5lb a week. Well I don’t think you can really count it fairly as everyone always gets a big one in the first week after theve previously been eatng cookies for breakfast so its harldy an average! I chatted a little bit but didn’t go into anything in great detail as I saw everybody ready to get out the door. I vowed to myself this week I would cut down on all the carbs Ive been over indulging on and eat lots more veggies!

Busy evening at work finishing with a long discussion on favourite pizza toppings. Mmm I want pizza. Pizza hut spicy beef or go really dirty and donner meat pizza wow its been years since Ive had one of those. Pure filth!!

02/10/14 When I woke up I knew I was not going to the gym. I could of done with getting some extra sleep but nope I started thinking about wedding invites and had to go into town right then to try and get what I wanted. I went round all the arty shops and never found anything I wanted but I wasn’t too disheartened because bought lots of little bargain Christmas pressies from the Works. I love The Works! I popped in the pound shop on the off chance and found some card making in the right colours. I wasn’t even sure exactly what we wanted or needed but when things are at a bargain price I find the best thing is just to get them as I don’t want to regret not buying them in the long run! £20s worth of buttons and little flowers and I was happy to go home with my purchases. I then had an hour to run around getting all my stuff together and made me self salmon and vegetable rice.

When I was driving on the way to work I waved at a guy I thought I recognised. He looked at me strangly and I realised I thought I reconginised him because he looks like one of the hairy bikers. I spend too much time watching cooking shows!

Usual Thursday afternoon in school then off to settle in for the evening. Really wanted chocolate! I had 2 of the Slimming World Double Choc crisp bars and they are bloody good! I wanted to eat 6 and stuff them all in my face right now!! Why did I bring the box with me when Im stay over?! I had the proper munchies but manged to keep a lid on it and stay within my syns ands just enjoyed a extra choc crisp bar and a bag of pom bears!

I seem to be watching a film about giant scary human eating hamburgers?! Even cartoons are making me want to eat!

03/10/14 Woke up feeling werid after having a dream about an old friend who I used to volunteer at camp with. Not seen him in about 4 years and we were making jokes about herpes!! No this isn’t any reflection on what we used to get up to! (I watched a programme called Scrotal Recall  last night) But as I hit snooze it might me daydream about the friends that come and go in your life. In the 5 years I did camp as well as having a amazing week every year helping children have a great holiday that wouldn’t normally have one I made some awesome friends. Unfortunatley you usually only saw this friends once a year but then for that week you’d be absolutely bessies for the week and have the time of your life! I am going to message J today on the internet somewhere they’ll be videos of our yearly dance routine where we’d pull out a full dance routine wearing stupid outfits often made out of bin bags! They were some damn good times!! Maybe I’ll drop him a message today.

Normal day in school. I'd not had much time to organise my lunch so had a tin of chickpea dahl it was a little boring on its own but at least it was no syns! Friday is date night and we decided to go back to The mallard tonight as we totally enjoyed it a few weeks ago. This time I treated my self to a sachet of salad cream so my jacket spud was less dry. Well worth the 2 syns! I really could do with carrying a load of these little sachets around with me. Even better if I could get some light salad cream or light mayo! I asked if they had light dressings, they didnt. I asked if they had diet lemonade, they didnt. They should start catering more for us dieters!! Well I wasnt going to waste syns on full fat lemonade, wine on its own it is then! We got our free bottle whoo! (even if it did take me about half an hour to do an on line survey to get it!) I aimed to only have one glass but I had 2. Well it is Friday night!!

I wanted my little pots of weight watchers ice cream not one but 2 and decided Im going to sart spreading my syns accross the week. I start off with my 105 and then count down usually having lower in the week then I can indulge a bit more over the weekend and having that extra bottle of wine. This felt much better and much more 'normal' I hope this works for me.

04/10/11 The day was grey and miserable and reminded me no matter how much I love autumn and the colours this is the reason you don’t get married in autumn! My friend L came over at 8.30am so no time to mope about because its horrible outside. L is going to be helping set things up at our wedding reception venue so we went through everything and updated her on all the plans and ideas. I’m really lucky to have friends that are so helpful Im so pleased she agreed to do it. As there are very few people i can trust with important jobs! You could say Im a little OCD and over organised and really don’t like giving people jobs to do.Im struggling letting the girls organise any bits of my hen do! But I cant really get the wedding lunch and drinks ready for guests as Im getting married so I am completly trusting her with the job! We started chatting hen dos and the ideas I have and we thought it might be a good idea to put a few possible dates down ready. After making a facebook group my maid of honour is busy on the first 2 dates for next July! Heres me thinking im just being over organised and it looks like its a damn bloody good job Im looking at dats already!! I Really wanted my Butlins 90s weekend but we may have to step it down a bit and have a Pontins one because of the dates and area. Really thought Butlins Skegvegas would have a good 90s weekend in the summer. Disapointing!!

Mr D came home and we had a big chicken and bacon salad. Loads of greens! Really trying to pack them in this week! The chicken and bacon was still warm shame I had to skip on the cranberry sauce! I miss cranberry sauce! Mm brie, cranberry and bacon Panini my favourite sandwhich havnt had one of those for a while. is it weird to daydream about nice food? We spent the afternoon in the warm and cosy having a Heroes marathon.  The plan was to head off to the pics later on in the evening. Got a 40% off voucher for Odeon. Bonus but we didn’t make it. I had a crack at another fakeaway tonight. Homemade pie!I had to simmer the gravy for an hour and a half  just to get nice and thick. I used 4 times the amount of thin pastry it said in the recipe and it was still stupidly thin. These recipes are a bit of a joke. Theres no way 22.5 grams of pastry is enough to cover a pie to feed 4 people.  I put extra veggies in it and we had it with homemade chips and mushy peas. I didn’t even bother with the pastry as the small piece I had would of been about 12 syns!! By the time we’d done all this we couldn’t be bothered to get ready and go to the pics! So we sat on our asses and watched more heroes!

05/10/14 Woke up by a text from my mum. Mums never awake before me., 8.15 is very early for mum at the weekend! She wanted to go to the carboot which was opening again today. Theres usually alot of crap but attracts the kind of audience that will buy anything! All the crap!! After eating some greek yogurt in bed we got up and got my mum. We strolled round but it was pretty quiet the word probably hasnt spread that its open again. We manged to get ourselves another set of chairs and table to paint up for the wedding. We don’t need many more just for the people moaning about not wanting to sit on picnic blankets and bales of hay. We then popped over to see my bro, neice and my sister in law for her birthday! Both thought I looked thinner! This is good not seen them for a few weeks and Mr D is the only one so far thats said hes noticed! Really hope it starts showing soon so I can stay motivated!! I was hungry but must still be feeling good because I just snacked on a couple of quite sour tasting sasumas from the bottom of their fruit bowl.

We smashed the Asda 10p shop today even though it was mad full of regulars who seem to be getting more and more by the week but Im quicker than some of them. Get in there quick grab some bargains, get out the way!  We got loads of salad and carved ham from the delhi. Plenty for the freezer too chicken breasts and fish in sauces. Ooshh who can say they do a £5 shop? I gave Mr D the shopping list with all the little extras I need for the diet. Eggs, weight watcher sausages, bacon lardons, beans and don’t forget the emergency asda chickpea dahl! Mr D was staring and slightly drueling at the make your own Asda pizzas, he used to eat many in his single days. I told him to go all out and treat himself to his fave pizza as I was going out with the Bessie for dinner.

Good catch up with the pregnant one and I smashed the carvery! (In a good way) Even though I had plenty of syns. I didn’t have any Yorkshire, stuffing, mash, roasties or even gravy! Becasue this fabulous carvery does mushy peas and just poured them over the meat instead of sauce of gravy! And it wasn’t bloody bad! I am all over this diet!!