I look like a lumpy mountain

11/08/14 Well todays the day I start the trio boost diet which is apart of the Love-Life-Forever. An old friend of mine has recommended it as a quick inch loss boost before I go on my jollies so I started by measuring myself! Ugh wish I hadn’t drank and ate curry this weekend.

I was taking D out today and had my one milkshake to get me through the whole day. It was tough even though I didnt really feel hungry until about 3pm. The most tempted I felt all day is when I went in the cafe to get something for D. It wasn’t all the big fat home made cakes and cookies or even the yummy looking fancy crisps they had but the warm sausage rolls. They smelt good they looked good I can just imagine how they taste! Ive got to stop right there as the thought of it is going to crack me! Better go have a glass of water then! Its hard just drinking water and not even being able to have diet coke to break it up a bit. Its fine I'm in the zone I can do this!!

I had to stay go  upstairs when Mr D cooked his fry up for tea but the smell of bacon drifted up the stairs and teased my nostrils. Strangely enough I didn’t feel hungry but a little delirious. Mr D kept joking I was on ectasy! By the time I went to bed I could of fancied a little snack but I was okay. Dont recommend any jiggerling about though, that made me feel sick!

12/08/14 Woke up to 4 miss calls from my brother and a text from Mr D saying Robin Williams died. Genuinely sad about it. I normally get annoyed when facebook is full of RIP this celebrity, RIP that celebrity they prob don’t even like them such a load of sheep! I shed a tear to find out such a happy funny guy commited suicide because of depression. I guess it shows even the people that seem most outgoing suffer from mental health issues. He was such a massive part of our child hood Aladdin being my favourite film and Mrs Doubtfire the film we watched so many times with my dad. He used to do a good impression of Mrs Doubtfire but did it a few too many times! (much better than his Bob Hoskins impression!) Its a sad day.

I thought I’d wake up starving but I actually didn’t and even managed to go for a swim this morning. Probably even slower than my usual slow pace. After 1pm I started to feel tired again and had half my first milkshake of the day. I actually think the milkshake makes me feel hungrier. These bee pollen tablets must be really good at sorting at my hunger as my belly has hardly rumbled at all. I’m thinking maybe I should take this on a regular basis. I had a meeting with my boss and she’d even got a stash of diet coke in for me and I had to turn it down! Still not sure when my tax will be sorted yet ugh!

Struggled cooking Mr D dinner. Its not even that I’m hungry, I just want food! I’d pretty much eat anything right now! I went upstairs whilst he ate it. I’m not even a fan of fishcakes. E did say the first 2 days are tough but worth it! Shes doing it too so its very encouraging and we chat about how were getting on! Its always good to chat to people about losing weight its encouraging. I feel light headed this evening but I have saved some of my milkshake for a bit later thats probably why. Wow its so hard not to eat for 2 days. Its so hard not to graze or automatically pop something in your mouth. Was going to go out with mum, Mrs B and my neice tomorrow but their going for lunch too so not sure I can handle it. I’m doing the thing I hate the most turning down plans for a diet. Trying to lose weight sucks.

13/08/14 Woke surprisingly not particularly hungry and decided I wasn’t going to let my diet take over my time off! I got ready and went on the train to Nottingham with my mum, Mrs B and beautiful neice who changes every time I see her! Shes a fiery, moody little red head that can’t sit still! Love her to pieces! Today I was allowed a breakfast milkshake and a lunch one so I held off my breakfast one as long as possible and gave in about 11am! It kind of just tastes like milky wheat but it fills the gap. We had a wonderful time at the beach in Nottingham! I know; man made beach right in the centre just for the summer complete with pool! It was brilliant. After a spot of holiday/Christmas shopping and buying my bessies bump her first present we headed out for lunch. Every place we came too was busy. Mrs B liked the little tea rooms where as mum didn’t seem too fussed. They also needed to have room for the pushchair and have a high chair. After about the 6^th attempt we gave in and sat outside luckily the rain stayed off. Mum and Mrs B ordered goats cheese salads and even my neice ordered cheese on toast. I ordered a green tea. I don’t drink green tea, I don’t drink any kind of tea but its day 3 and i’m allowed green tea. I really didn’t want to just order a bottle of water! Who knew I had a choice of green teas, I don’t bloody know! And then the cheek of it I had to make it myself! I got it wrong a few times and it did just look like weed! Yes folks who needs to eat I am now on a drinking cannabis diet! It tasted pretty shit and it still had some floaty bits in as I hadn’t quite mastered it but I got 3 cups out of it whilst they indulged on yummy goats cheese! I was really pretty pleased with myself but I knew tonight was the night I got to eat so I stayed focussed!!

I’d spent a while thinking about dinner and sticking to my 600 calories but getting plenty of food! I went with chicken skewers, roasted veggies and vegetable rice (with not much rice in it!) Whilst that was cooking I made Mr Ds packed lunch. There was some bacon that needed using up so did him a cream cheese bacon and roasted onion pasta salad. Unfortuantley as it was getting close to my first meal and I decided I better try it to check it was okay! It was more than okay it was damn good so I tried it a few time! Damn I’d done so good waiting! Luckily I had 150 calories left over which I was hoping to use for a pudding but I had to use them for my little snack! Bloody hell would have loved a little pud!!

As I was making my way to a lovely bubble bath tonight I caught a glance of my naked shadow. It was hideous. I look like a lumpy mountain!

I felt a bit unsettled watching game of thrones not fully concentrating until they went and and ate pie! A big crusty pie and gravy and then that is all I could think about. I went to bed talking about pie! I decided that should be a good English all night take away/cafe where you could order a good pie with chunky homemade chips and peas! There is deffo a gap in the market for this! Put roast dinners on there as well! How many people would like to order good homemade grub from there sofa?? Yes! There you go somebody out there a business plan for you!!

14/08/14 Woke up feeling thinner! I feel good! My pyjama bottoms feel a bit big but I think that is just wishful thinking. Why cant I stick to this none eating most of the time?! I’d be a skinny bride and just as important a skinny Geri Halliwell on my hen do! Ive dressed up as Geri Halliwell a few times but obviously only ever a chunky version! If I’m going to a 90s weekend for it I have to be a Spice Girl!! I even felt I had enough energy to go to the gym!

There was cover for Butchs class a over enthusatic young guy. He bought everyone a mat out and was trying to make chit chat. He looked a bit pueney so I wasn’t sure i was going to get much of a work out. He went into a full work aerobics routine complete with box steps, ponys and spotty dogs. Very old school and it made me remember how boring exercise used to be before zumba, dance fit and insanity! But I did work hard, the regulars did not look impressed with the change and had to work hard to keep up with him. We then did a full squatting and lungeing section. Am I the only fat bird that cant lunge or is it all of us? He then made us partner up. It was quite a small class and most people came with a friend so I ended up with the gnome like lady in full make up next to me. She was tiny but a little bit round, her trousers were up her ankles which was suprising with her being so small. What was she wearing kids clothes?! I had to lie on the floor and hold her ankles. Not only was I worried about the little gnome lady not being able to hold my weight and might topple on me but I was concerned that my face was below her sweaty crotch. After all that exercise I dont want no drips of bum sweat hitting me in the face! The whole thing was cringey and horrible but I'm just happy there was no crotch drips!

Ive decided I’m going to try and come addicted to green tea instead of diet coke. Ive had 4 cups today!

15/08/14 Is it bad I was planning at 8.16am exactly what Chinese takeaway I can order? Looking at calories and the best I can get for my calories! It says a chicken ball with no sauce is 45 calories? That sounds like a complete bargain for something covered in batter!! But as part of this diet I don’t have to look at fat just calories so bring on the chicken balls!! With the thought of balls I headed off to Insanity with Mrs B.

I went and got weighed today I was hoping to do it Monday when I’ve had a few more days on my plan but this is the only time slot he could do. I’m __ stone 8lb thats a loss of 3lb. Disapointing for 3 weeks I guess I haven’t done my best the whole time with pies at festivals and such! I was hoping I was much nearer the next stone down. Ugh, feeling starved I was very nearly tempted to eat! It took all my will power not to just jack the whole thing in then! I didn’t I went off to catch up with my friend C and her lovely children who I havnt seen for a while and instead I had a few cups of green tea! But then I did something bad! I was home and just bloody hungry knowing my takeaway could be hours away I ate a apple! I know, I’m a bad person!!

Why do I keep watching food programmes when I can’t eat??! Come dine with me, dinner date, the hairy bikers, any of them! I’m almost drooling!! We over to and A+Ds house with baby L armed with all my information about what calories I’m allowed. D just laughed at me and said ‘fuck the diet were ordering chinese’ I did try and put my point across but he just talked about chicken balls. Me and D used to hang out and order some huge Chinese feasts back in the day before I set him with A. Best match making I ever did! They were moving in together after a few months! Just call me cupid! I steered clear from chips, rice and prawn crackers! I do love prawn crackers but its crazy bad for you they are, there not that yummy that their worth all those calories! But once you have one theres no going back. I didn’t have any! I had chicken chow mein then a few other bits like a few balls and some salt and pepper chicken. I was stuffed and even with working out the calories I must have gone over! I feel this is the slippery slope of messing up the diet! Good night with some of my fave chums though J

16/08/14 I like waking up on a Saturday morning with Mr D. He works every other Saturday morning but he often has to make up for some when weve been away so it does feel rare that we get Saturdays. After lazing around abit and what I mean by lazing round is putting the TV on whilst Mr D stays in bed and I pop downstairs and doing washing and tidy up. I then made him a marmalade crossiant and I got my milkshake and we went for a wonder round Willington. Not much happening today maybe having Mr D with me jinxed me! I got a book for my hols but didn’t really see many that took my intrest. I normally get all my books from carboot sales. There was a stage when I’d buy too many but today I just couldn’t really find anything I want. I cant get my head around kindles. There just not the same as grazing books, there covers, reading the backs until you decide what you want. At last minute I got a chair for 50p so it wasn’t a wasted trip. We ended up going straight into town to get our last bits of holiday shopping. The Mr got his holiday hair cut whilst I looked for the best deal sun cream. Home Bargains wins every time. £3.99and £4.49 for good brands of sun cream. I had to go for kids factor 50 got to be safe being a ginge! The cheapest anywhere else were £7! Mr D then was hungry and wanted to go for lunch. Obviously I wasn’t supposed to be havin lunch as my milkshake was at home it was running low though. This is the excuse I gave myself as soon as Mr D mentioned going for lunch we strolled round the food court but everything looked like a bad choice. I didn’t want any of it. Well I did want it but I knew I shouldn’t. The on going battle of what I want to do and what I should do. After walking round in circles Mr D convinced me to go to Wagamamas. I wasn’t convinced it was always rammed when I walked past full of people eating watery looking soup. I suppose at least it would be healthy. I got in and it wasn’t that busy and everybodies food looked yummy. Noodles with chicken and beansprouts. Breasts of chicken with sticky rice and vegetables. Then I noticed they did free green tea! This swung it for me! Free anything is good but with my current health kick free green tea was fantastic! I had the noodles and Mr D had a broth with noodles and chicken and vegetables which actually looked much better closer up. I had another free green tea and took a big gulp. Big mistake the first one had come warm and I could drink it straight away. I made the mistake in thinking this would be the same but it wasn’t. It was roasting hot and completly scolded my tongue. I then couldn’t properly enjoy my food. Disapointing. As I was leaving I saw a old friend in there who had previously tried to help me lose weight. It’s an embarrassment I’m sure he must be thinking ‘shes still a fat bastard then’ Yep all these years and Ive still never been able to win my battle with food, still a fat bastard. Its silly little times like this that I feel really disappointed in myself.

We went over to my bros house for the evening. I cooked some roasted veggies with sweet potatoes and made my own rainbow slaw and my bro cooked some beautiful big fat steaks. I stuck to my water and didn’t even have a sneaky diet coke. The food was great and we paid our respects to the great Robin Williams and my pa by watching Mrs Doubtfire. My neice sat and watched the whole thing, I’m sure this wont be the only time she watchs this film. Me and Mrs B discussed how we could fancy some pudding but we didn’t have any probably because they didn’t have any in which was a good thing! Some ice cream could have gone down nicely!

17/08/14 Another lazy morning for me and the Mr I bought him breakfast in bed even though I couldn’t have any. I am a good fiancé! After watching too may episodes of storage wars on a channel ive never heard of we went for a swim. We actually had a good swim today and didn’t waste too much time being silly though Mr D did a great dolphin impression. 2 guys were doing widths in the deep end when everybody else was doing lengths! Why? You fucking idiots! Your just in the way!

We went home and packed our suitcase. Well I did Mr D just folded some pants in a pile. I then couldn’t resist a little asda bargain shop. I knew we didn’t need much with going on our jollies but it would be nice to come home to a full freezer. There were loads of goodies to take out back so I knew it would be a wait but spent quite some time strolling up and down the isles of asda. There was alot of folks hanging around for bargains quite alot I didn’t recognise so didn’t think I would get much today. After a long wait the bargains came out and despite all the people and some commotion as somebody in the rush had nearly hit a baby in the head with a basket. I was the other side so I was fine. Luckily the trashy families were going for the pizzas and the junk food. Which meant lots of 10p fresh fish and 2 joints of pork for me! Thank you very much spent £2.10 a couple of sneaky raspberry cream tarts accidently snook in the basket. Well there were 10p?!

Yesterday I’d found the VCR I’d stashed away and got the home videos out. I was hoping to take it to my brothers and introduce Mr D, Mrs B and my neice to my dad but my bro wasn’t up to it. I thought it would be good to all watch it together and laugh at my dad and the good times as kids where as Mr B really thought it was something he wanted to do on his own. So I set it up for me and Mr D to watch the Yarmouth video from 1989 was way longer than I remembered most of it was quite boring! Unfortunately my dad filmed a lot of it so we didn’t see as much as of him as I would have liked. But there was a few good scenes of him doing silly things and acting like a pratt. The way I like to remember him! There was a scene where we running round a pub garden with my cousins shouting scallywags! This has always stuck with us, it was always my dad the centre of all the silly goings on! This made me shed a few tears. The rest just made me smile. My bro changed his mind and kept texting me asking to take videos of it and send it too him. We are so much like him some times its crazy. My bro looks like him and sounds like him. Mum once told us we had all dads good bits. I hold this in my heart.

I went downstairs to catch Mr D for the second evening in a row having a bag of crisps in the garden. Its a nice thought really so I’m not tempted by the naughtys. Without even having time to think about it 2 bites and a raspberry tart had gone in seconds. Oops it wasn’t as tasty as it looked. I put the other one in Mr Ds packed lunch to not tempt me.

18/08/14 D day! The day before my holiday and time to measure myself. I measured my middle, hips, and bust and overall lost 5 inches! Not bad. Would have been better if I’d kept the same enthusiasm as I had in the first few days. It had dipped since I had only lost 3lb. If I do it again I’ll try harder next time. I’m still going to try and cut down on the diet coke and drink green tea. Ive ordered some more bee pollen to help me wen I get back. My plan was to stick to the plan today and have the milkshakes. I did this morning and had one for breakfast and then went to my crazy appointment. I spent the first 5 minutes ticking boxes on how I’d been feeling this week and bought with me the homework I’d made myself do this morning. Though I’d procrastinated alot, she didn’t even look at it so it didn’t matter. Again it felt very text book like she’d already put me in a box. Shame I don’t fit in a box. I got a little chance to talk when she was speaking long words at me to describe the kind of worrier I am. I mentioned my mortgage had finally been sorted this week. She said ‘Oo I didn’t realise you had a mortgage’ That is because you havnt asked me any questions about me!! I went on to tell a bit about the situation. I felt like I needed to talk. I think maybe this cognitive behaviour business is not the right kind of theropy for me! I went for a swim afterwards not because I really wanted to just because exercise is part of my routine. Whilst in my swim I became obsessed with the idea of eating a sandwhich! The more this idea went on the more I knew I could not go home and have another milkshake. The sandwhich is a such a simple thing but when youve been drinking milkshakes for lunch for a week a sandwhich seems like such a yummy tasty amazing thing. I got home and made myself a chicken and cranberry sauce sandwhich. It was good and I knew I would go back for more. I only had another half but it took a lot to stop me to have even more. I’m just greedy I love good food and just want plenty of it.

I went for my holiday hair cut! New place but she actually did a really good job! Listened to what I said and didn’t take too much off the length. This is rare! Why do hairdressers always go crazy and chop way too much off when you ask the m not too! Pretty chuffed! I got home and decided to do some baking I’d fancied doing some all week but was scared I’d eat it if I did! I thought it would be nice to do some and take it to the in laws as a thankyou for looking after the pooch. They didn’t come out too bad. I did a nutty and chocolatey brownie. They were supposed to have chocolate on top but I didn’t have enough. They were not bad. I normally love cooking but not baking as I hate that I have to weigh everything out to make it work but I used my vintage 50s scales so I didn’t mind so much.

Tonight it was like Mr Ds mum had been reading my mind and was cooking us pie for dinner! All those thoughts of pie I’d been dreaming about all week and now were having homemade meat and potatoe pie for tea! We popped over to see her grandparents and some more of his family were there too. There so easy going and make jokes and remain happy even when there is hard times. There such a nice family, like mine. The pie was lovely and I even had a sneaky glass of wine to go with it. Mrs Ds mum is so easy to talk too. We happily chatted about weddings and holidays and I told her how we’d been casually been looking at houses just because we can! Which is great if we wanted to we could sell the house right now! Because its our house nobody elses!! We are lucky that they are looking after our pooch whilst we go away. Its much better than having to put him in a kennels he hangs out with their dog Jim whos a old man now but our pooch seems to be growing on him like a Uncle figure. I went home feeling pretty worn out and fell asleep pretty quickly.

19/08/14 The day of our holiday has arrived!! I happily spent the morning grooming and packing a few extra bits, deciding what book to read, cleaning up here and there. We enjoyed a chicken and cheese salad with some crusty bread before heading off. We just had to use up what needed eating.

 The drive to the airport went suprisingly quick. We didnt hit any traffic and got there early! Once we'd swiftly gone through the check ins we had a quick nosey around but were in Heathrow theres no primark or Mcdonalds here! Just Harrods and Tiffanys!! We were looking for a cheeky beer and swiftly walked past the champagne and lobster bar and found the most 'normal' looking pub there was. Whilst wating for service I was listening to a couple in their 40s next to us. The lady said 'I'm on a diet I will just have a tonic water" as he ordered a pint and fish and chips. Bugger that I'm in holiday mode! I ordered a lager and black and fish and chips! As the neighbours one portion of fish and chips arrived it took approx 2 minutes before the lady took a few sneeky chips. Then a few more followed by nearly half his fish. She even had a few sips of his beer! In her head she probably thinks she did really well. First rule of trying to lose weight be truthful to yourself. Admit you ate that cookie on the toilet!

As I was waiting for my food I could see through the gap in the wall some people eating nachos. Stringy cheesey nachos. Am I obsessed with food? Do you ever wonder how often you think about food whether your allowed to eat it or not?

The plane was amazing like nothing Ive seen before! Even in our economy seats we each had our own TV where we could pick the latest films or T! By 11pm they bought us hot food and free alcohol of our choice! Bloody Love you Richard Branson! Even with the free cushions and blankets I couldnt get comfortable enough to sleep well but who cares I'm on my way to India!!