Shit I'm 30

Sunday 16^th March

Suprisingly didn’t feel too rough today. I was awake early which I always am whether I went to bed at 10pm or 4am. Took a while to get the Mr up he was feeling a little more sensitive than me. He was gutted about the amount of money he’d spent on Mcdonalds and not eaten so of course there was only one answer. Suprising lythe big mac we shared didn’t taste too bad warmed up. The fries not so good. We had a stroll round the carboot for some fresh air and then went to the pub to pick everything up. Gutted all the food had been binned. I thought we’d be sorted for packed lunch for a few days with that lot . I hate waste and I didn’t even get to sample Mr Ds mums coleslaw which I was looking forward to or one of those monster cake pops my cousin made. There was a few slices of mermaid cake, a hand full of sausage rolls, cheese and a mound of unopened discos and mini cheddars which were nearing their sell by date. (obviously I got them cheap) Even though the sun was shining outside we headed home and snuggled up on the sofa with crusty bread, cheese and last night chicken nuggets.

It was like my birthday all over again I had loads of cards and pressies. Though everything had mixed up and I had to ask who had bought the beautiful Cath Kidson cutlery set. They were from Mr G. Should of guessed that. Cool and stylish grown up present. It must be because I’m 30.

Shit I’m 30.

Monday 17^th March

Today we were short staffed again. Me and Minge got the place sorted. We were down to cover food lesson 5 and 6 but the food order had not been done. This also meant no toast for break time. This could cause uproar. Toast and routine are very important in our place. Between us supporting back to back lessons I managed to come up with a lesson that fitted in with the work they’d be doing. Wrote up some recipes and wrote a list of ingredients. Our school needs certain staff to take charge or nothing gets done. I guess some people are born leaders and others aren’t. I then managed to go out and get the shopping for the week for food and general items we needed but before I left I got pulled up. ‘Your going out to take Mr D his phone then’ I’d actually forgot about this. I’d mentioned to Minge this morning Mr D had forgotten his phone and I’ll take it to him on my lunch break. Bearing in mind he works 10 minutes away and I can do whatever I want on my lunchbreak. A manager then took that information missing out ‘on my lunchbreak’ and told Deputy Principle/my brother. So I worked my arse to cover lessons and go above and beyond as usual to be bollocked about something that was innocent again??!! So thats Friday and now today that management have blatantly lied about me when I am one of the members of staff that work my absolute ass off and doing so much extra for this bullshit??!! ABSOLUTLY FURIOUS!! UTTER BULLSHIT!! FURIOUS!!

Nipped in to see my mum after work couldn’t help but get upset.Just had enough of the shit but still went on my way to my Hippy boob shaking zumba class. I was driving down when I saw him. TWAT. I felt physically sick. Just to explain to those of you that don’t know Twat is my ex boyfriend. I nearly married Twat. It was booked and I thank fuck every day I found out before I made that huge mistake. Twat lead a double life. The things he did I’m not even going to start to talk about but it involved multiple deception, head fucks and a secret child. I would love to say I never have to think about him or have anything to do with him ever again but I made a big mistake. 1 month before all this came out I put him on my mortgage. My Mortgage to my house I’d had for over 5 years. My pride and joy. I’d put all my love and everything in to paying for my own house from the age of 23 and now this FUCKING CUNT OF A TWAT who I’d actually attempted to sort the house out after the split and spoke to him amicably which he didn’t fucking deserve said he’d sign the house straight over to me. He then changed his mind and because he some how managed to hear I called him a Twat. Sorry do you not deserve to be called a Twat after everything you did to me? He then tried to take half my house which quickly then asked for £5000 instead to cover expenses such as the deposit his parents put down for a wedding? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!! And that is currently we we are at. I told his solicitor it was joke and I would see him in court. That was October. I’ve not heard anything since. I have a plan and its in action. RANT OVER. I NEVER WANT TO SEE HIS UGLY FACE AGAIN!!

Tues 18^th March

Still feeling a bit all over the place. I taught food again today with my emotions being all over the place I just ate what I wanted. We cooked sausage rolls followed by healthy pizzas which I ate and I didn’t care.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not sad about my past, I’m not angry or feel sorry for myself about what happened. I would go through it all again so I met Mr D. I believe everything happens for a reason and we all get what we deserve in the end. I couldn’t ask for anything more than what I have now I just wish I never had to think about it again and I got my house which is my house!!

TODAY I DON’T CARE. I don't care that I'm fat or that I ate sauage rolls I just want to hide under the duvet.

Wed 19^th March

My early night feeling sorry for myself has made me feel better and more awake today but still struggling to find motivation. No matter how much you try and plan and be organised sometimes you just don't know who your going to see, if your going to get heabutted at work or how your going to feel on a daily basis. These arn't excuses this is just life getting in your way!

Made myself go swimming today. Trying to get my mojo back and get in the zone. Swimming gives me time to ponder over things. Today i was thinking about if I die I would love to be a Eva Cassidy type figure. That my work would get noticed and my blog would turn into a book and then a TV series and thousands of people would laugh and  recognise the same issues I face. Lets hope I don’t die just yet and I actually get  abit thinner before I pop my clogs.

Mr D has bought a x box one this may be a awful thing or it maybe a great thing. Tonight I see it as a good thing. ‘Hun you have a night on the x box don’t worry about me’  and off I potter for a relaxing bubble bath, pjs on and sat in bed to watch My Mad Fat Diary. Tonights episode really got me thinking. She decided to sleep with the other mad guy and as she went to take her clothes off he said ‘no need for that neither of us are a oil paintings’ though this made it easier for her because she doesn’t have to worry about getting naked its not a very good feeling knowing the person your sleeping with is not interested in seeing you naked. This made me think quite a bit. I suppose no matter how unhappy you are with yourself its got to be a good thing that the other person wants to see you naked. Never thought of it really like that before.

Thursday 20^th March

An average shity day at work.

Facebook is doing my head in. Its full of random birds you once worked with or went to school with close ups of ther faces without make up. Half of them don’t wear make up in the first place so feels rather pointless. So there all saying ‘Here is my none make up selfie for cancer awareness’ Do not get me wrong I’m all for making money for charity and supporting a good cause but how is that raising awareness or making money? People are just using it as an excuse for a close up pic of their face!! So I did one myself but mine said ‘I’ve donated my £3 for cancer research and included the number to the text to sponsor. If were going to do this lets do it right!!

We had a healthy tea tonight but we end being starving by 10pm. We sat in bed watching TV when stomachs rumbling we got the idea in our head we wanted crisps. This is bad enough when one of us gets this thought ast least the other one can try and talk sense. Nope we both wanted crisps so we had one each but we didn’t stop. One bag was just not enough like naughty children we ran downstairs and got another bag each. It actually could have been worse Mr D wanted to go down for a 3^rd!! We didn’t. BASTARD GAVE IN TO THE CRISPS AGAIN.

Friday 21^th March

Nice to be wanted at work today. Was originally supposed to be going out to Leicester as the student out there works well for me but I was asked for to work the football tournament. Can’t moan because it also meant I got free breakfast at Franky and Bennys. Eggs, bacon (I took off the fat) and beans, nice change from my porridge and banana. Unfortunately I didn’t play any football that would have been a nice bit of exercise in work time! We used to get lots of opportunities to do exercise in work time which is always good but it has dried up a bit at the moment then tend to send out the men that are good at football lol.

I’ve decided next week I have to start my health kick seriously again. Its getting stupid now I’m snacking and grazing at work and I’m not even contemplating saying no or that shouldn’t be having it. This afternoon it was my idea to get the biscuits out! MY IDEA!!! I can’t even blame being tempted by other peoples goodies. It was my idea and I hang my head in shame. Tonights PT session was good as always Kat worked us hard. The other 2 girls are doing so well. Theres nothing on S. She has the tiniest waist. They both wanted to get measured tonight but there was no way I was going too. I’ve been celebrating my birthday for weeks and slipped back in to old habbits I don’t want to measure myself. Everything of mine will be double S. J is doing amazing she looks so good. She talked about how she had treat night last night at Cosmo. (The buffet I went to the other month) her treat was 2 marshmellows and a small bit of melted chocolate??!! When am I going to get to that stage?? The stage where I don’t even want a treat anymore?! I can’t imagine ever getting to that stage. Kat measured my waist even though i wasn’t kean. I made sure it was away from the other girls its just embarrassing next to them. I cried on the way home. Upset that I’d slipped and let myself down again. I always let myself down. I got home and failed to hide my misery to Mr D and even though all I wanted to do was hide under the duvet he convinced me going to one of my fave pubs for some nice food would cheer me up. I didn’t really want to get ready but I did and I was pleasantly surprised when the barman happily changed my chips to sweet potatoe and changed the onion rings to salad. I checked out my measurements at the end of bootcamp. The measurements say I’ve lost 11 inches in 7 weeks since bootcamp on my middle. This did cheer me up maybe I hadn’t fucked up completely and these healthy meals I cook and exercise is still paying off or more likely and I’m pretty sure this is the case I didn’t measure quite the same place as Kat did so its probably a lot lower. Either way any inch loss is a win.

Sat 22^nd March

Feeling much better today, feeling positive and ready to take this on to the full again!! We decided to change treat night to Saturdays. It just doesn’t feel right working so hard at my personal trainer session on a Friday to then have a treat straight after. We went for a nice dog walk burnt off a few calories before heading to Notts for a afternoon drinking. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go at first I don’t have a lot in common with Mr Ds friends. There very geeky and into there ale and talk about musical instruments and other geeky things. I really just don’t have more in common with them but it had been a while since I’d had a nice cheeky afternoon drinking and the sun was shining! I instantly regretted it I struggled to find anything to talk to these people about. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against these people. Mr Ds best mate is lovely geeky little man that wears his waistcoat everytime hes out for somebodies birthday. I like him but as a group geeky conversation was in full flow. As we arrived in Notts the heavens opened, 15 minutes walking later we arrived at our destination. Soaked to the bone and looking awful. They had no light beer which is what i fancied so I opted for a spritzer. No lemonade. I was struggling to keep my cool. 2pm and on the straight wine not my best idea. Mr D then got me a homebrewed apple cider. I’ve been avoiding all the lovely fruity sweet ciders I used to drink regulary as Kat told me to steer clear as they are just pure sugar! BASTARD!  Always have to stay clear of the best stuff. bBut this was homebrewed stuff without all the crap .A few pints later and I was much happier, the group had split and we were in the lest geeky half which I could just about deal with!! Many drinks later we arrived home sitting in bed. I was trying to find somewhere that did nice healthy curries with good chunks of meat and vegetables in town. I nice curry house we could go to without all the oil. Do they exist? Why can't there be restaurants espically for people clean eating?? We we that drunk we couldn't handle a restaurant anyway and had a curry ordered in bed by 8pm.Turned out it didn’t really matter as it was so spicy i couldn’t eat much anyway. Obviously this pissed me off. BASTARD CURRY HOUSE! And they forgot the rice!