Sunday 9th March
There was a grand breakfast this morning but to be honest I
was still pretty full from last nights late night feast. I grazed a bit but
didn’t go crazy. Luckily as I entered the breakfast room there was nobody in
there so I filled my bag with mini bags of museli and yogurts. Normally buffets
have those little mini cheeses which are perfect to pop in the handbag but they
didn’t have any of those. Its not like its stealing because if I was on full
breakfast eating form I could polish off quite alot. We then went for a swim. I
say a swim but we did 2 lengths before getting distracted by the outside whirl
pool again. Like children we played in there all morning. As well as going for
a quick steam room followed by the snow room which is literally a room full of
snow. We had a quick snow ball fight in just our swim wear and then back to the
whirl pool. A couple got in to the pool, a young girl in a bikini a size 16/18.
I didn’t think she had a bad figure. She had extra bits but she didn’t look
gross. She had a sizeable arse. I did ask Mr D ‘is my arse as big as that?’ He
said no. We had a bit of a discussion if I was bigger than her. He said she was
a lot bigger than me but she really wasn’t. Is that just Mr D in his rose
tinted glasses? I’m not sure. I am lucky that I am even fat. I’m well spread.
Theres people I see that arn’t even that big but have huge cankles where fat
even pours over their socks. Or just huge thighs and arse. I’m just nicely fat
all over. My arms are pretty big which can be annoying when buying coats but my
legs arn’t too bad at all. I have pretty good legs for a a fat bird.
We went back to Chester and spent the day strolling round
the shops in the sunshine. Had some nice pub grub. A steak sandwhich with
homemade coleslaw. Coleslaw can be so good when made well. Then it was time to
go home. Feeling happy but exhausted we headed for home ready for birthday
celebrations!!!
Monday March 10th
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ITS MY
BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wide awake at 5.50am Mr D told me I had to go back to
sleep until 6.45. Well obviously I couldn’t get back to sleep. I wondered
around a bit, had a full conversation with my brother then I woke him up! I’d
had my weekend away which was a incredibly expensive weekend bought for me from
the Mr. I opened my cards and some smellies and then opened my special present
from Mr D. He and my brother made me a CD of those 2 playing and singing my
favourite songs. It was one o the most thoughtful presents I’v ever had.
Homemade gifts are always my favourite. The thought effort and time Mr D and Mr
B put into is just amazing. I could not wish for a better boyfriend than Mr D.
Nothing from the past even comes close.
I got to work to be presented with goodies and homemade
cake. Minge had made it look lovely for me and spent time making me a chocolate
cake. We were then both told that we were both off site. I was off to Leicester
as usual. We had to rush off leaving all the lovely goodies. On my usual
journey to Beaumont Leys I sneezed and missed the exit. That is genuine. Some
of the things that happen to me I couldn’t even make up. So I sneezed and missed
my exit and I then spent the next 45 mins driving round in circles and adding
60 miles to my journey not a great start to the day. I was half an hour late
picking up a student, the plus side was I was in the work car so at least I’d
not wasted my own petrol. After a few hours I headed back to school to find out
that the squidgy fresh cookies I’d hid in the fridge for just me and my
favourites at work had been eaten. Staff had given them out to students.
BASTARDS. Can’t stash anything at school. Greedy gits. I popped to see my Nan
and Granddad who live round the corner took them some of Minges cake. I tried to squeeze as much of my fave things
in one day as possible. On the way home I popped in to see my beautiful neice
and then went to meet one of my best friend Miss O’s new little baby. What a
fabulous treat meeting her it was too. It was only 18 months ago I’d set up Mr
C and Miss O and now hear they are with a tiny little bundle of their own. Next
stop home to get showered and ready and see Mr D. Me and the family went to
Cherry tree. After opening lots of pressies and eating some grub it was time
for the cake counter!! There was so much choice but nothing really screamed
out. There was a mars cake and a twix cake, now if there was a snickers one that
would have won hands down!! I opted for
a lemon cake which was petty damn good. 3 glasses of wine later and my birthday
was all over.
I am no longer a fat bird turning 30. I am a 30 year old fat
bird.
Tuesday 11th March
The plan was to get straight on the health kick. 5 days
until the party and I still have a skirt I need to fit in to!! Today went well.
Made myself a huge healthy omelette for lunch and felt on it. No snacking.
Organised. Went home and did some gardening. Spring time seems to have hit and
when the suns out it makes you so much more positive but something always gets
in the way. The fucking lawn mower blew up. A piece flew off and it began
making a loud noise and shaking but I carried on mowing the lawn all the same.
This went on for 5 more minutes before it made a big boom noise and started
smoking. BOLLOCKS. I was so close to finishing too now there just a large long
patch.
Disappointed that a few of my buddies that were travelling to be at my party can’t make it. The Deal was supposed to fly from Dubai but was too sick to fly. Its a real shame he knows how to party!!
Wednesday 12th March
Starting off supporting a PE lesson which was just a nice
jolly to the park where we completed our Sports Relief mile. Then I had to go off
to Leicester again. This is starting to get on my tits now. I hate driving and
I’m in Leicester nearly every day at the moment. Fucking Leicester. I met my new student and it
went really well. Took her to Mcdonalds and I was good and had a diet coke
whilst I watched the others eat things I can’t have. Mcflurrys and warm chicken and chilli wraps mmm smelt so good. Its hard watching thin
people stuff there face. People say its simple to lose weight. Eat less,
exercise more but what about the people that don’t do either? That remain thin
and stuff their faces with whatever they want. How does that make sense??
Went to the circus tonight. Mr D got some free tickets. We
had a small box of popcorn between so we didn’t go too crazy. The circus was
shite. The opening act was a man playing with a glittery tennis racket. It was
like being on holiday at 2*all inclusive resort in Turkey. Piss poor and just
weird. Left at half time.
Thursday 13
Oh what a fucking suprise off to Leicester again!! They
might as well pay for a travel lodge for me because this is getting
ridiculous!! All I want to do is chat to my buddies about our outfits and song
choices but I’m never bloody there. Breaks are rare in this place. I was hoping
for a little make up trip with Minge for party make up but not even had chance
to see her let alone a make up trip!! It can be a long day when your teaching/
entertaining one student all day. I got back to school at the end of the day
happy to finally see my chums. Whilst filling out endless paperwork we were finally
having a natter about songs to request for the party. My boss had promised I
would not be in Leicester the following day. 15 minutes before finishing time
management told me I’d be showing a student who I rarely work with round 2 different
colleges in Leicester tomorrow. I don’t think so!! Not to be big headed but the
problem with being good at your job is that people put on you all the time.
Well not this time! I would like to see my own students at some point!! Not
happy. Had a word with the boss not sure it did much good.
Was hoping to make the triple challenge class but had to go
to mums to get my outfit after the final touches! Pissed off but trying to stay
focussed that its only 2 days until my birthday party!! FUCK U LEICETER!!
Friday 14th March
Its party eve!!! ITS PARTY FUCKING EVE!! Nothings going to
fucking piss me off today!! I got up and the dog had done a massive shit in the
kitchen. I opened a bag of lentils and managed to spill them all over the
floor. I hovered them up and managed to hoover over my big toe ripping half my
nail off. FUCKING STUPID DAY. Took me off the Leicester gig at work but
obviously somebody was not happy about this and made a passing comment that on Friday I’d
sat and done my playlist for 2 hours. Which is interesting as I only got chance
to sit down for 45 minutes and only one of the mangers came down for approx 3 minutes. This may seem like a small thing but in a place like ours when
your constently working in a stressful environment putting yourself in danger,
working your arse off staff well being is fucking important!! I got angry then
upset. In general 2 or 3 people will get upset in our place once a week when it
all gets to much. Once I left off some steam and had a big Cock cuddle (whos
always on hand when your upset) I was back on track again. ITS NEARLY FUCKING
PARTY TIME!!
First I had to do my PT session. Armed with my new arm i pod
holder and a playlist I’d put together which I thought would help with my jog.
I arrived for Kat to tell me she’d read my blog and there was no way she was
sending me jogging now. RESULT!! But for some reason I had mixed emotions on
this. It feels weird Kat reading this. I went on the treadmill instead and stuck to
my well thought out upbeat tracks but it was hard to hear over some awful banging
dance music but I powered through. Killing in the name was my fave jogging
track. The rest of the session I thrusted hard, planked and squatted. Really
hoping that tomorrow I wouldn’t suffer all the aches and pains I got after
every PT session.
Spent the rest of the evening food shopping. Going from
supermarket to Supermarket trying to get some good bargains for the party. I
didn’t do bad. Early night ready for the big day boooooooom its here!!
Saturday 15th March
The early night did me good I was up and ready to get my buffet on!
Mr D went off to work I cranked my juke box up and got the sauasage rolls on. It
wasn’t later until I realised I’d been blaring my music out since 8.30am oops. After
4 hours I was done. 7 pizzas, sausage rolls, chicken bites and surprisingly only
a few had passed my lips. I nipped to the shop to get some extra dips and a
bottle of Amerreto . You can’t get ready for a big night out without a few
cheeky ones. I get to the self scan and the red headed Mohicaned man watched me
put through all my items before asking me for ID. I had no ID I told him I was
30 so he asked the assistant next to him who was no older than 20 she said she
wouldn’t serve me either. She had braces and teenage spots who was she to tell me I can't have my amerreto??!! and don't even get me started and mohican man! On a average day it would be nice to be told I look
younger than 18 but not on a day that I have no ID and want to buy FUCKING
ALCOHOL!! I’m fucking 30 for fucks sake I could get served at 14 and now I can’t
get served at 30! I got home to find my new driving licence on the
doorstep.FUCKING TYPICAL.
After spending more time than planned setting up the room
ready for the party mainly because a lady of approx 113 years old was trying to
clean up the room from the night before. Saying this was being done at a snails
pace is a understatement, my mum kept offering to help her as she was worried
she may keel over just picking up the dustpan and brush. Once the bunting and
pretty paperchains were up, polka dot table cloths filled the tables with stripped
pots with nuts, sweets and chocolates. Full spread was in the corner my mum had
worked hard preparing a feast of filled cobs and my cousin had made me a
amazing mermaid birthday cake as well as monster pop cakes and moustache cookies. The M theme in full force everywhere!! Now
just time to get pampered. I was tempted to go and weigh myself beens my whole
big plan for the year was to loose weight for this party. In the end I decided
not to as well as Kat telling me its about inches I didn’t want to be disappointed
today. The big thing was I fitted in my skirt. The skirt I’d ordered at the
start of the year that didn’t fit now fitted nicely. This was my big aim and I
should be proud of myself for that.
After a long bubble bath, grooming and nails painted. I gave
myself a shimmery face with silver and blue detail. Wig on and my amazing tail
skirt that my mum made. Blue underbust corset and beautifully decorated shell
top I was ready to party. Me and the Mr took a few pics. He was looking good as Mad
Max. We took a close up selfie where I don’t even look like me, my face looked
really thin! Best photo ever thats defiantly going in a frame and my profile pic and every else I can put it! Whoop get my thin face!! Unfortunately
the follow up photos were not so good. I just looked so wide. The top bit was okay the corset sucked things in nicely but the bottom half just looked massive. I tried not to
dwell on it and even without a drink in my head I was ready to go out! Sitting
down is a problem in a underbust corset luckily it was only a short drive to
the pub in the taxi my face was litteraly in my boobs. I opend the door to a
large posed school picture of me at 15 with a large penis drawn on my head. My
bro had filled the room with photos of me. Old and new. Good ones, random ones
and just bloody dodgy ones. Some doodles on my head and amusing comments. I was told there were even ones on the back of
toilet doors with relevant phrases to go with them. I’m sure people really
wanted to see my face as they were taking a drunken dump.The effort people had
gone to with their costumes was just amazing! The most talked about outfit of
the night was Mr Ds best mate that had come as a map! So simple but brilliant. My
step brothers girlfriend came as Marge Simpson this has to be my favourite
complete with homemade hair out of cardboard, cotten buds and a bit of blue
paint! The variety of costumes beginning with M was just fantastic. Mr Ds family
all turned up and met my family for the first time. It went well. A friend of
mine took photos for me. Everybody drank, ate and had a good time. I was pleased with
my performance I didn’t peak too early and only got drunk in the last few
hours. This is really good for me. I didn’t really have much time for buffet just had a slice of pizza
between glasses of wine. Karaoke got into full flow. Even though the Bessie decided
not to drink so no crazy antics she sang my fave song ‘ Fields of Gold’ she
sings it so beautifully. Luckily Minge was there to dance the night away with
me and we really did go for it. The cool kids arrived late a grand arrival from
a good old buddy Mr G. Perfect timing for tequilas! One of my last memories of
the evening was making the barmaid pour my nan a massive baileys on ice! The night
finished around 2am where a very drunken Mr D decided in the taxi home he
wanted to stop for a McDonalds’. I couldn’t really be bothered but asked for a
chocolate milkshake. We got home shoes in hand, surprisingly wig still on. Mr D
had bought a banquet but no chocolate milkshake this did not go down well under
the influence. I headed off to bed with Mr D following shortly after.
Thats it birthday over!
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