Bastard after work summer pint drinkers!

Sunday 6^th April

The Mr got in at 2am babbling about being the ice hockey champion, awful chav pubs and then went off to the loo to be sick complaining about having to drink nasty lagar but still had a good night. Had a pretty nothing day to be honest to top the pretty nothing weekend. We caught up on some Game of Thrones ate some nice food and stripped some walls. Why is it the thought of decorating is always brilliant? Brilliant ideas of colours and designs and the end result. Weeks into stripping walls you fucking hate it and can’t even remember what the end result is going to look like! How do you even decorate the top of the stairs? How Am I going to be able to wallpaper that top corner above the stairs without trying to kill myself?! Its a massive chore right now and we just don’t seem to be getting through it. Ugh being a grown up sometimes sucks ass.

Me and Mr D have perfeced the perfect healthy Sunday roast. Some nice lean meat, roasted carrots and parsnips in honey, greens and the perfect vegetable mash. Mr D has recently decided its his mission to make perfect vegatble mash. His recipe consists of half a swede, one potatoe and a parsnip. Without just one potatoe it just doesn’t taste like mash but half a spud each seems to make all the difference. We could probably do with cutting down on the rich red onion gravy but overall I think we do pretty good. We always make enough for the following day to put on a shepards pie or to have with some slow cooked stew.

Maybe I should do a cooking blog with some of my better ideas?

Monday 7^th April

Trying to stay focussed that this time next week we’ll be off on a family holiday dogs and all but its hard. Work is a bit complexed right now so I joined a Union today. Being the tight arse i am Ive never wanted to pay out but I guess its best to be safe.  I was on edge this morning after a phone call and then when I got to the pool car it had no fuel and with the head teacher off there was no way of getting the fuel card or petty cash this really made me mad that I had to use my car for Leicester again.I planned a nice day today doing a project with my student about going to the cinema and going off to see Lego Movie. Bonus that another student had a issue with taxis and I took her along too. One of my key children that I currently don’t see alot of so it was a really nice day with the girls. I was hoping to find time to get them something to eat before I went in by the time I found it there was no spare time so I got them a big popcorn between them. Turns out they didn't like popcorn so I had some so it was not completly wasted!! But popcorns not too bad for us is it? or is that just a certain kind of popcorn. How bad is cinema popcorn?! Bloody hell why does it have to be so complicated?! Then took them out for lunch and we ended up in a noodle bar. Noodles seemed a healthy choice for my lunch but the chicken they added looked like it was in some kind of batter and sticky?! Why can't people just cook healthy??? A noodle bar sounds fucking healthy but they just chuck oil and sugar and fat at everything! I swear people just want the nation to be obese!! Tried not to eat it all but I was hungry!

Ended up going to the cinema again this evening becasue I got it for free! Can't turn down a freebie! So off with a bag of diet coke and a bag of fruit and nuts for more cinema. The Mr had popcorn which I was really off after the afternoon but by the end I was bored of my little raisons and cranberries and chucked in a few pieces of popcorn for good meisure! Film was pretty poor I prefered Lego Movie :)

Tuesday 8th April

I bought some new gym gear. All in sizes at least 2 sizes bigger. When it comes to my gym clothes I think the baggier the better. I bought a sports vest in the sale knowing I will never wear it! Hoping that one day i will have the confidence to wear it and not feel like a whale. Not be that fat bird who shouldn't be wearing that gym wear! and why am I so unstylish when it comes to the gym? Leopard print hoody with ears, baggy polka dot top, lycra trouser, stripey socks, trainers and a polka dot cherry bag. I like to think I'm quite stylish and like to match my look but when it comes to the gym theres just no answer!! Theres no gym top that pulls in at the bust then flows out and i need to cover up the rolls so baggy is the only answer!

As promised I went to Total Tone tonight. Even though its at 7pm which is a stupid time for exercise. Why are there no classes at 5pm?!I walked in to a class full of fitties. Only a couple of slightly plump ladies I was deffo the most round but I didn’t feel uncomftable. I knew how Kat worked and i knew I could do it. I maybe a fatty but I don’t give up easy I’ll give it everything I’ve got! It was exactly what I thought it will be. Short bursts of exercise. Weights, mountain, climbers, squat jumps. Kat was brilliant keeping you on it, keep you positive and motivated!! The girls were great and they seemed genuinely happy that I made it. If I’m ever going to do this its with this lot around me!!

Wednesday 10^th April

Today I woke up hungry but I quickly forgot about it when I tried a skirt on thats never fit properly. I’ve had it years and have never been able to do the zip up to the top. I normally just leave the zip a little bit open and took it over the top then cover my top over the top of it. This is a pretty good achievement!! I may not be weighing myself and not seeing the results I want straight away but this is exactly what I’m aiming for!! Today at work marketing were coming to take our team photos. For once our team was getting recognised for the work we do and it was pretty exciting. I’m not a fan of having my photo taken. Those who see my facebook would not believe this. I’m happy taking many photos of myself because I’m in control of exactly what angle its taken. Many fatties get the art of selfies spot on! Its quite a talent. Take the photo up high, no chins, plenty of bust, no bingo wings and no rolls!! People can look like complete different people and I guess if thats what you want brilliant! Its not very true to life though, who are you kidding?! If your not willing to be a pic of you in a silly space suit pulling a stupid face then whats the point?! But still I was worried about what angle this lady was going to come in at. As if I had a fucking spot on the end of my nose? Im worried about my extra chin and then I get spots too?! So the woman got right in my face, I’m really not sure I’m going to like the outcome!! I asked for it to be airbrushed but I’m not sure she took me seriously. Damn.

Thursday 10^th April

I can not moan about this week at work today. Originally I was down for something which I felt was not safe. Mr and Mr B had a good debate about we will regulary have a debate over a behaviour situation at work. There is no answers where we work we don’t know all the reasons why our young people act like they do so you often bump heads trying to come up with solutions. Me and Mr B have regular debates where we’ll thrash things out quite a bit. He may be Deputy Principle but hes also my brother we know how each other work and we know were both trying to do it for the right reasons so we always come up with a happy result in the end. Were also good at thinking outside the box I think its a part of the role. You have to think of different ways of educating our young people. Anyway it resulted with one student not turning up and a nice afternoon out with another member of staff Miss B and one student at the Science Museum. It was fabulous we tried many costumes including alien costumes that looked like ‘a very hungry caterpillar’ we also went into the planetarium. Miss B had a bag of shortbread and i just had the one little round one. I find it hard to stick to healthy eating when I’m happy I don’t tend to think about it as much when I’m busy having fun. Fabulous day.

I really was going to Monotons class tonight but the sun was shining and I just could not stand the thought of spending an hour listening to her boring voice and just making up the moves because I don’t know what i’m doing! I opted for a power walk in the sun with the pooch. This wasn’t quite as energetic as I’d hoped as Scruff decided to stop and sniff/piss up every lamppost, bin, tree, mound of mud, piece of litter on the way.

Friday 11^th April

Last day of term everybody was in good spirits. Off we went to laser combat. Unfortunately quite a few of our students didn’t show up which is a shame as working as a team is something many young people need. Many people need. Two teams Mr and Mrs B were on on the other team with the 3 students and I was on the staff team. Laser combat is like paintballing without the pain or mess. Running around the field doing different missions. Capture the flag, carry the box and shoot the laser. You can choose to hide behind a bunker and shoot or just leg it around a field trying to shoot the other team ! I choose the latter. The last mission being the most exhausting. You couldn’t get out so everytime you died you had 30 seconds to zoom back to the base and get life back. I did this many times and ran in and out of the hut desperately trying to beat the other team. I am competive my family on the other team are equally competitive this helps when it comes to burning calories. We were all just going for it. Sweat was pouring off me. Our team won. I very fun work out. I wish I could do that once a week. My boss who spent alot of her time behind a bunker was moaning that she ached and it was the most exercise she’d done in a very long time. My boss is a lot thinner than me. I’m alot fitter than quite a few people I know that are much thinner than me. I can’t help but feel annoyed by it sometimes. I put the work in and currently have slow progress why they do no exercise and eat cheese butties and breakaways everyday.

It was a lovely day and I knew Kat would make us do something outside at the PT session tonight. I dreaded it. I spend so much of my time trying to look the best for my size. Getting my hair nice, make up and dressing to get the best out of my figure. I feel vunerable and competly out of my comfort zone in my gym gear exercising in public.  I don’t want people to see me like this at all. Everything gigerling and woberling around when I spend all my time sucking it all in! But today wasn’t so bad. We jogged together to the park which didn’t seem as bad as usual as everyone was chating which took my mind off the fact we were jogging. We jogged past everbody enjoying a pint outside the pub. Thats what I’d like to be doing but pints arn’t going to get me thin! Bastard afterwork summer pint drinkers!  I reminded them I was away next week and that I wouldn’t be eating too many fish and chips. Kat kindly reminded me how much fat and calories were in fish and chips. How can I go to the seaside and not have one lot of fish and chips on the beach?! I’ll have a portion of salad please whilst everyone tucks in! It’s that simple obviously?! We then did some dips on the park bench before doing some more sprinting. Great! I was ready to give it some! I Pulled my thigh on the first sprint. It really hurt it was genuine not any kind of excuse. I tried to do a few more sprints and really gave it some when Kat joined in but I was really struggling. The session went quick. We did step ups on the tyre for 2 minutes. I did shit. I stopped way more times than the others. I need to do better. I need to push my self harder. On the way back I could hardly drive I nearly gave up and rang Mr D but luckily I didn’t have far to go. My thigh was killing and was making me feel sick. Mr D had to help me and ran me a bath.

We went to the shop to grab a few bargains and he bought chips and dips. For some reason today this really got to me. Its Friday night were staying in and the Mr just wants some chip and dips. No big deal. Yet to me it is a big deal something so normal yet I can’t do this I can’t sit and eat treats like lots of couples around the globe are doing! I got home and I just felt upset. Mr D didn’t eat his chips and dips we had a hot chocolate. Hes a good egg but I felt bad that he decided not to do that to help me. I just wanted to eat chips and be ‘normal’

He said I needed to rest my thigh and that I shouldn’t go to my dance fit class in the morning. I said ‘we’ll see’

Saturday 12^th April

Off I went to dance fit. My thigh was still a little twingey and my foot was also hurting but I powered it out at Dance Fit. The Instructer is pregnant I felt concerened for her doing some of these movements. Shes still c ompletly giving it some surely squats will squash him?! Isnt being pregnant the best ever reason to sit on your arse and let people run around after you? I bet the day I will finally get thin I’ll get pregnant that will be just my luck.

I went to weigh myself as I’ve been back on track and feeling much better for the last few weeks.

_ stone 2lb. Thats only 2lb down since I last weighed myself in February! Put my positivity right back down again.

Its my dads birthday today. Hes been dead 3 and a half years. I havn’t gone to put flowers down, it wasn’t my dads style. I had a drink for him which would have suited him much better. My dad is probably one of the reasons I have weight issues today. Dad was a alcoholic which triggered my emotional eating from a young age. Going out to get a bag of chips when dad was in a drunken stuper was away of escaping and getting enjoyment else where which was quick and easy. I loved my dad but now I’m 30 I can look back and see the side effects of growing up with a alcoholic parent and how they are still with me for this day. I hope hes at peace now in the end he was a very troubled man but he’ll always be in my heart.

Happy birthday dad.