Finally a free Sunday morning that we can carboot! Up fresh
and early with a car full of crap and cashnut butter bagels and also 2
crossiants. I know I know! I fell into the trap of buying what was cheap and
cheap time. 2 fresh crossiants for 10p how can I walk away from that? I usually
buy these goodies and give them away. Come into work armed with doughnuts and
fresh bread even though I can’t eat it. Its cheap too not to buy I want rather
just treat my fellow collegues.
The rest of the day was spent doing general Sunday things.
Pottering around before a relaxing evening and of course my bubble bath. I hate
looking at myself in the bath. When everything is naked and scrunched up.
Theres no where to hide anything. My tyres are just sitting there infront of me
looking fat and round and horrible. Its like when you stretch out and
everything flattens out a bit so you don’t feel quite as bad about yourself.
Not in the bath everything is there. No hiding. For this reason baths are alone time unless it is full of bubbles! Bubbles cover up a multitude of sins.
Monday 3rd March
Fell of the wagon! I grazed today for no reason at all. I
wasn’t in a bad mood or a good one just a don’t give a shit mood. I just did it. I
grazed some toast this morning then grazed some sandwhichs in the kitchen then
grazed some butterscotch whip in the cooking room. Whats wrong with me?! I want
to get thin and fit and this week more than ever I should be being super good!!
Why can’t I do it?! I’m so disappointed in myself I want to cry. Its so hard to
explain if you havn’t been in this situation yourself. One minute I can be
totally positive and work really hard in a class and the next minute I’m
grazing. I don’t want to do this anymore. So I went to the boob shaking hippy hip hop zumba class to make
me feel better about the grazing and try and burn off a few of the carby sugary
naughtiness that entered my lips today. Bastard super tasty butterscotch whip. No other whip comes close.
Tuesday 4th
I do like to complain. I wrote a few emails after our visit
to London. Firstly to the hotel about the barman and mushroom scenario which we
were quickly given a free night with breakfast for our misfortune. Whilst on a
role I complained to the ticket company who sold us the theatre tickets with
the wrong seats who gave us a full refund boooooommmm!!!
Also starting to get mega excited for my birthday. Finding
it hard to stay in healthy eating mode as I’m just not thinking about it.
Theres a nice buzz at work everybody talking about my party and what they’re
going to wear. I’m not focussed and I don’t know how to get back in focussed
mode? I look at people photos all all the weight loss groups on facebook. How
people let it all out and take photos of themselves. Stood in the mirror in
ugly pants their bellies hanging over the top. I just couldn’t do it. I pride
myself on looking good. Dressing the best I can for my size. I don’t even like
looking at my own body in the mirror theres no way I would show the world. I
won’t even take a picture of it on my phone on the off chance somebody would
see it. I envy girls that have the bollocks to do it to let it all hang out to
keep them focussed. Show the world and be proud of how well there doing. I’m
not proud.
Wedneday 5th
I had toast for breakfast at work this morning. I’m not sure
why after not eating for so long its started creeping up on me again?
Afterwards my chest hurt like all the naughty butteryness was clogging up my
archeries. It really did. Fucking toast. I hate toast I’m not eating it again.
Went for a swim tonight. I enjoyed it Ive not been swimming
nearly as much as I should be lately. I need to get back in routine. The
pressure was on. People were swimming fast tonight so I had to keep up. Don’t
want to be the fat slow one that people have to over take. Nothing worse when your trying to enjoy your swim and you know you have somebody constently up your arse. Fucking tailgaters!
Went out for a beverage for my bessies birthday! I stuck to
diet coke as everyone was indulging in wine and beer. Had a lovely evening even
took my mum along. Shame it was a week night would have been nice to celebrate
properly!! We must be getting old!
Thursday 6th
Went to triple challenge tonight not Big Mammas one a new one. The instructer tonight was like Skeletor. Her bones were all
sticking out her chest. I always think its a little worrying when you see very
thin people doing so much exercise. Theres a few ladies that you see at classes
that work incredibly hard but are incredibly thin. I feel like asking them if
they are eating well. And telling them maybe they shouldn’t work quite as hard.
Have a break, have a kitkat!!
Anyway this lady was the most boring instructer I’ve ever seen.
Her voice was monotone she could of sent me to sleep if I wasn’t so busy trying
to keep up with the steps. I couldn’t concentrate on what she was saying I
couldn’t take it in. She was sooooooo fucking boring!! Can you fall asleep
whilst turning on a step board?
Friday 7th
Today I cancelled my personal trainer session. I had good
reason. Myself and Mr D decided to make my birthday night away a weekend away! After
our nice little refund and just like that we went off to Chester! I was mega
excited but Mr D had a awful day at work and was rather grumpy and one wrong
turn on the way to Chester added 30 minutes to the journey!I decided to start
swigging the amerreto to get myself back in the party mood. We managed to make it before they stopped
serving food at 8.45pm. We stayed at a beautiful old Inn with some fantasic
home cooked food. Currently in full birthday mode and it being treat night I
opted for fish and chips and they were damn bloody good fish and chips! Thick
cut home made chips and the most amazing home made tartar sauce. Its making me
hungry just writing this. Mmmm so good! No matter if I ever manage to loose the weight I am always going to love good pub grub! As we were getting ready in our room I
heard a ghost walk going on outside. I popped my head out the window to hear a
guide explaining about the many ghost that haunted the inn we were staying in.
He spotted me watching and said we were okay as we weren’t in room 6! Phew that
was alright then??!! We found a cool little pub with some great live music and
spent the evening slowly getting merry! Happily chucking the majority of my diet coke down the sink and filling it full of ameretto out of my hand bag! Full of sugery goodness I know, like bakewell tart in a glass but I'm allowed its my birthday!
Saturday 8th
Started the day with a fry up. Luckily it wasn’t that greasy
and it wasn’t that over the top. No naughty goodness like black pudding and
fried bread just your basic which was a little disappointing after last nights
beautiful food. Then off we went to my suprise venue. I was very excited about
this. I do get over the top excited like a child. I am not the kind of girl
that hides her emotions. You can read me like a book. Happy, sad, angry thats
it and its probably best only to be around me if I’m happy most people would
choose to avoid me other wise.
Anyway we pulled up at a very fancy hotel and
was whisked off straight for treatments. Firstly we had a rasul which was just
me and Mr D smothering each other in mud then sitting it in the steam room to
let it absorb. Only a man would pick such a treatment! But it was fabulous, we
then enjoyed a full body massage. You’d think with me being funny about people
touching me and my body in general I would not be a fan of a full body massage
but I am! I usually get so relaxed I regularly drift off and let out a little
snore. I struggled to relax. The usual questions were going through my head. Am
I going to be too heavy for the table? As they often seem just like a thin
board! Should she get paid extra for massaging someone double the size? It would
take twice as long to get round the whole of my back. I hate my back. I wonder
what the largest person she’d massaged? My arms were by my side and every time
she leant over me my hand was very close to her lady area. Did she not know she
was doing this? Could she feel it? Did she secretly want it? Was Mr D enjoying
his? Was he touching a ladies bits? Was it exciting him? What if it made him obviously excited? So
many questions as she moved round to do my shoulders my head was touching her
lady garden!! Bloody hell, whats wrong with her? Can she not feel it!! Its not in many people job roles that they let/give no choice in people touching their lady gardens!! And then I needed to fart. I spent the last 20 minutes as she
massaged my legs and getting pretty close to my backside just trying to squeeze
a fart in. What if I’d started snoozing, I would have let off in her face!!
We then spent time in the steam room and the snow room
followed by the outdoor hot tub and whirl pool. We stayed in the whirl pool
until we were all shrivelled and looked like we were about 86. We checked in
and had a nice little snooze in the bed that was wider than it was long. I
could roll over 6 times before I got near to the edge. It felt so nice being
relaxed and away from the stresses. We then went for the poshest meal Ive eaten
which can only be good for the diet. I selected pigeon for starter but it
tasted like liver and because M D is a lovely amazing boyfriend he swapped with
me and I had scallop. For main I had veal. A very small slice of veal on a
smaller potatoe and a even smaller well piled vegetables. It tasted amazing it
had some beautiful droplets of gravy style sauce round the edge. Mm could have
done with some more of that. By the door there was a beautiful cheese trolly
that had the best quality and huge variety of cheese but at £21 each we decided
to take a stroll to the local village pub. Not even cheese is worth that!! Just us and one other couple in
there we happily sat and got very merry on larger and blackcurrent and made
plans for our future. Only one thing follows a night of drinking, a midnight
feast! After a acorn fight from the balcony and Mr D banging his head on the
ceiling when jumping on the bed we called room service. I’ve never had room service
before. Fresh thick cook chips and some pretty average melted chocolate ice
cream to finish. What a fabulous day.
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