Slam fucking what?

Sunday 9^th Febuary

Woke up still drunk feeling fine. Happy to see a empty packet of mini chedders on his side of the bed and not mine! 1 hour later I felt like death!! Even the mister making me a nice healthy scrambled egg and mushrooms in bed did not even help. So I slept and slept a little more then got up about 2.30 feeling a little better. After some quavers and many pints of squash some good snuggled up on sofa time I was about back to normal. By 6pm we were good and went out for carvery. Now today I was rough, I was greedy but good greedy?! I had a plate full of meat and veg! And there was such a wide variety of veg that I just kept adding it on but this did mean a rather large plate full. Even Mr D questioned how much I should be eating. Fortunately, Unfortunately?! Some of the veg was a little hard for my taste. So I left half a plate full. Felt better.

Now this is my favourite carvery but they also do the most amazing looking puddings I’ve ever seen. The hugest cakes in all varities, home made and they do cake away so if your too full you can take them away! Now I’ve never had any of these cakes. I’ve always been to full after my carvery or on a diet. This would be the perfect place for my birthday meal! Just lots of cake!! Perfect thats my birthday evening sorted!!

Popped to see mum then home for a good early night.

Monday 10^th February

Woke up feeling like crap. My body ached, I felt hot and cold and just completly exhausted. I couldn’t get out of bed so thats where I stayed all day. Managed to watch a bit of day time TV a few housey programmes which I’m pretty fond of and then theres the food programmes. After still sticking to my healthy eating and eating avocado on toast and boiled eggs I decided at 3pm I’d watch ‘Man vs Food’ now alot of people it would probably make feel sick but it just makes me want to eat burgers! I don’t eat burgers very often but I love a good quality one with some nice cheese on top. Don’t be messing it up with bacon and onion rings just good quality meat and cheese. Apparently the guy has got thin now and doesn’t do the challenges anymore. I reckon I could defiantly do a few of those challenges.

Then I watched a bakery programme. Bakeries competing against each other to win something not sure what. Now each bakery had to make some fancy bread, Danish pasteries and fondant fancies. There were 4 groups. Then some skinny Minnie presenter went round trying all of them. That’s 4 pieces of fancy bread, 4 Danish pasteries and 4 fondant fancies with in a short space of time not even counting all the other things they have to try. Theres no way your telling me she manages to keep her shape by eating like that unless thats all she eats ever! A proper cake taster would be fat. FACT!

Tuesday 11^th February

Still feeling like crap.  Its like I’ve just completely worn myself out physically and mentally. I can’t seem to snap out of this really low feeling. My mum’s out of hospital and doing week but shes worried about me. I think everything has just got on top of me. The stress at work trying to fit in exercising and applying for jobs as well as all the other normal things. I really I hope I’m feeling well and snap out of it soon. Another day in bed.

I’m really trying to stick to my ‘clean’ eating. Sticking to my wholemeals and not eating processed food is not really a problem. I do struggle not eating potatoes. I’m not a fan of sweet potatoes and potatoes are just fabulous! Mash, roast, a good crispy jacket potatoe mmm But I’m doing really well cutting down and I’ve got to stay focussed on that. I’m not emotional eating which is a really big deal for me especially with how I’m currently feeling.

Happy when Mr D came home. He seems a little worried about me too. Really need to get back on form. I’ll start with a early night. Sleep is important.

Wednesday 12^th February

Still not feeling great so great so went to the doctors. Started feeling bad for not being at work The Head Teacher always gets on at us for poor attendance even though there’s always a staff member off with stress or a bad back due to being shoved around at work. This is never taken into account. There’s no way I could have been at work this week. You need to be completely on your guard in our job so you need to be on full form. Doctor just said I had a virus which I’ve probably court due to being run down he said I need to go back if I keep getting stressed.

In the afternoon I started feeling more myself.  After missing out on exercise I decided to go to what was Kats 4.30 class I’d seen the new woman and I knew it wasn’t going to be hard core like Kats for one the lady was rather curvious herself. It may sound bad but when I want to work hard and lose weight I feel more confident when paying somebody to help me with this when they themselves are super fit! I was right, I work harder having a big stretch when I get of bed in the morning than I did during the warm up. It was so slow and the rest of the class didn’t pick up that much either. There was a track singing about ‘bouncing around’ where we weren’t bouncing around at all only just moving. The woman was so enthustic and kept whooping but the only one seem to be enjoying it was camp man. He loved all the Spanish music, cha cha chaing. Wiggling his hips from side to side watching himself in the mirror. Many people walked out part way through. I barely broke a sweat even with adding in my own extra bounces.

Found out some really bad news today. Something awful happened to my best friend. Makes you put things into prospective sometimes. All this focussing on being fit and healthy. Doesn’t change some of the bigger things in life. Sometimes things are fucking shit!

Thursday 13^th February

Back to work and I was lucky it wasn’t a bad day. I went out doing some home visits with one of my Amigo’s (The three Amigos at work nicknames Cock, Minge and Jugs- me being Jugs) and just had a nice catch up. This made me feel much better, was nice to see my buddies and nice to be missed.  Today I started feeling a bit more back to normal and I was very excited about my new fridge freezer arriving! Yes I know thats sad but nice things for my home make me happy and weve had to save for this big beautiful American style fridge freezer so this makes me happy.

I tried on my skirt again for my costume tonight. Still a little snug but definitely fitting better than last time. I really need to get my act together only just over a month until my party and I want to be feeling as slim as possible. I’m wearing a corset so that will suck in all the middle area but thats not always good as it can push down your spare tyre to underneath the corset and then your left looking even more round than you were before! Luckily I am a pro at hiding spare tyres and my skirt is a peplum skirt so with the corset and the extra frill covering up any areas I don’t like I may not be able to breathe but I’ll be looking more slender.

Friday 14^th February

Another good day at work spent the day off site with one student. Apart from having a abusive phone call at 4pm  which is not out of the ordinary a good day all round. Then it was time for my first personal trainer session. Fucking Hell I thought I knew how to work hard at the gym but I was knackered and dripping with sweat after 5 minutes!  I work hard in my classes jumping around for a whole hour but this wasn’t like I’d ever done before not even at bootcamp. Boxing and kicking and frog squats and planking with weights on my back and cycling standing up. Short bursts of hard core exercise. Bloody bollaxed by the end of it! And went back aching all over to the Mr slaving away hard cooking us  a romantic treat night meal. At first I just felt sick but when the aroma of melted cheese hit me it didn’t take long to feel hungry. I dragged my aching body in the shower. The last thing on my mind squeezing into some lacy number for Valentine’s Day and there was no way I’d be doing any fancy hanging from the lampshade moves in the bedroom later. I can only just walk!

Stuffed mushrooms, homemade pizza candle lit, presents followed by peanut ice cream on the sofa watching a movie! Perfect Valentine’s Day all round! I am very lucky to have such a wonderful Mr J

Saturday 15^th February

Thought I’d do the same as last week snooze for a while then go straight to class. I arrive at 10.30 to be told Dance Fit is at 9.30. 10.30 is triple challenge. Okay. This lot looked serious as we queued to get in. The instructor watching the previous class through the window saying ‘Ooo she isn’t warming down for very long, she should be doing that for a lot longer. She doesn’t seem to have worked them very hard’ I instantly disliked her. That was just rude to slate another instructor in front of members. Fucking Bitch. So already disliking the instructor I started the class. The first half was a load of bollocks I had no idea what was going on. The instructor just stood at the front and bellowed she looked like Martin Lawrence in Big Mammas House. The main reason I had no idea what was going on is because she never bloody showed us! The cult of regulars knew all the moves so when she shouted out Hot Chocolate and everyone did some swiverly side step I didn’t have a chance! ‘Box step, add a spin, pony, now slam’ What?! Slam fucking what?!

Granny pants or go commando?

Sunday 2^nd February

We had the last bonus boot camp today joining the 2 groups so lots of new faces. I liked this group there seemed some more down to earth girls. One talking about having too many glasses of wine last night and eating cheese. Now this I can relate too! Much better than feeling too full on bloody seeds! Again she got us jogging outside not once but twice! This is not something I am going to ever enjoy doing! Jogging has to be the most boring thing ever and anybody who enjoys jogging must be fucking BORING!! Put a ball at my feet, a bat in my hand or add in some dance moves and thats fine! I can run around for ages but just jogging YAWN. Couldn’t think of anything more boring!

Disapointed its the last bootcamp it has defiantly opened my eyes and made me enjoy circuits which is not anything I would have done normally. I may consider doing some different classes. I say may I probably won’t ha ha but myself and 2 other girls from bootcamp have signed up for some buddy personal trainer sessions with Kat. I’m really chuffed with this as I wouldn’t have been able to find any exercise buddies without bootcamp and I think it will really help me to stay on track!

Monday 3^rd February

Today should have been a nice day at work. The gym with one of the older lads then taking a student to a pool with flumes and a wave pool as a treat but as usual things never go to plan. I ended up going to football with my brother the Deputy Principle/ PE teacher/ does a bit of everything and one of our sometimes difficult students. We managed to get some football in where Mr B got me working hard. Unfortunately the rest of the morning was a disaster. Students refusing and I just started feeling more and more unwell. By the time I was on my way to swimming I was feeling really crap with a 12 year old excited student by my side! Next was the news that the flumes weren’t open and there was an hour and a half until the waves came on. It took all my energy to keep her entertained before the waves came on. Swimming races, how many different jumps she can do in the pool and we saw a man lose his shorts and bare his bum which kept us amused for at least 10 minutes. Then shattered I took her to McDonalds’ and settled for a hot chocolate. Completely exhausted and my head spinning I went home to bed!

Tuesday 4^th February

Another tough long day at work. Work is currently physically and mentally draining. I went off for a swim and noticed aqua aerobics was on so thought I might as well do that as well. The group was full of oldies and ladies of the larger variety. Wrinkly skin and massive boobs were flapping and wobberling all over the place! Then there were two older men at the back smug smiles on their faces as they were surrounded by buxom bouncing bosoms! The music was also designed for clientele I barely recognised a song. Most tracks were about ‘Tracy’ or ‘Carrie-Anne’ why are so many oldies tunes about somebodys name?! I recognised ‘Its my party and I’ll cry if I want to’ and few other ones that have more recently been turned into dancey tracks. Now some of the moves weren’t bad just incredibly slooooooooow so I decided I would do them double time to make it more worth my while the only problem was I don’t wear some ugly swimsuit up to my throat like a turtle neck.  I was bouncing around all over the shop. I went in the water as deep as I could to try and keep covered up but it just wasn’t happening. I saw the lifeguarding sneekly glancing out of the corner of his eye hoping a bit of nip would pop out. PERV! So I had to spend the whole time with one of my hands holding the front of my costume together. Not very practical but the more I bounced I could feel my extra bits bouncing around in the water so it must of been doing some good!

Wednesday 5^th February

Feeling tired but I’m off to Kats last class at Queens. Its very disappointing its her last class as its my favourite and I’ve worked over time so I can go and I pay monthly at the council and she no longer does any classes there! Rubbish.

I made the most out of it and danced my arse off but there was one thing that just kept putting me off. My knickers. I didn’t just have a back wedgie but a front wedgie too. I mean what are you supposed to do? I can’t stand in the middle of everyone and keep trying to re arrange my underwear but at the same time it was feeling very uncomfortable! And even if you sneakily manage to adjust it whilst filling up your water bottle it only goes straight back in your cracks the second you start dancing again. I’m just wearing standard French knickers its not like I’m wearing some tiny thong to exercise in! I definitely woyuldn’t be trying that it might cut through me like a cheese slice! But what kind of underwear is best to exercise in? Am I going to have to go for some big granny pants or maybe just go commando?!

Thursday 6^th February

Why did I eat a kitkat chunky today? I did it without even thinking about it. Took a student to pick their lunch in tesco. Theres a kitkat chunky for 20p. Fantastic just fancy some chocolate. Casually ate it. What am I doing?? This is a bad habit to get into. Why am i casually eating chocolate bars??!! I must stop this now!! No pudding for me on treat night! Mmm I do love a kitkat though!

Really having to make myself do exercise at the minute. Just feel knackered work is completly taking it out of me. Spending my spare time execising, cooking healthy food and applying for jobs. Worn out and just not feeling very happy. Feeling quite down and letting things get on top of me. I can’t seem to snap out of it.

Friday 7^th February

Work is just getting worse and worse I’m letting people and small things really get to me and I just can’t stop but why are some people so stupid! People are weak and will give in to things for a easy life but that is not good enough. We have rules for a reasons the students we work with need rules and barriers as many of them don’t have them at home. If they break the rules they must follow the consequences but weak links in the staff means this is not always the case and leaves a uproar for the staff who work their hardest to try and do their best. FUCKERS FUCKERS FUCKERS!! I and yes i will confront you! FUCKING PENIS! Can not wait for it to be the weekend!

Mums gone into hospital today for her hip op. Bless my mum going through that again. Big love to Mrs B!

Finally Friday night arrived. Not only treat night but off with Mr D to Notts to watch Frank Turner!! So treat night, we usually start planning about 2 weeks in advance to make sure we get what were really craving! And tonight its KFC. Mr D has been fancying it for ages and as long as theres chips. (Well fries not quite the same?!) I’m happy. Mr D is driving so I can have a beverage. Though when we arrive and one I say how much it is for a rather shit looking glass of wine I decide I don’t want to waste my money or calories on wine and have a diet coke. I am doing well at cutting down on alcohol!!

Great night started to make up for my shitty week.

Saturday 8^th February

Rolled out of bed with just enough time to get my gym gear on and stick my finger in the jar of peanut butter as I was going out the door. New dance fit class 10.30 is not a bad time on a Saturday morning. It was rammed full!! Managed to get a spot at the far end cramped in the corner. Sarah who runs the zumba class on a Friday is the one that doesn’t work us as hard as I’d like her too but I was surprised that it was actually really good. She worked us much harder than zumba and did 15 mins floor work. Will deffo be heading to that one again! You can tell she is from a dance background. She did a Irish dance song and it was crazy it looked like a cult of female curvious Micheal Flatley all in lines toes pointed bits wobberling. Where as I looked more like Stavros Flatly.

Went to see mum in hospital shes doing very well. Avoided all the sugary goodness that surrounded her and forgot she can no longer eat nuts when I brought her cashews (her old fave) so I shared them round a little but ate most myself. I do love a few nuts.

Saturday night was a last minute meal and beverages with my favourite people. My bro and the mrs, and my best mate and her hubbie as well as me and Mr D.  Just what me and the bro needed after a hard week at school. We went for a Indian and I was feeling a good place so managed to stick to my healthy eating and had mixed meat and onions and peppers. No sauce. No nan bread. No rice. I had a portion of side salad instead!! BOOOOOM GET ME!! I did wash it all down with a bottle of wine. Followed by some very strong vodkas at the pub after. Then back to my brothers for singstar and a few more beverages. I sang until I could no longer read the screen and then just lay in the corridor until the taxi arrived and Mr D scooped me up. It would be a lot easier for Mr D to scoop me up when in a drunken stupor if I was lighter.

Swing your partner round and round

Sunday 25^th January

Last official bootcamp and I genuinely felt sad it was over. The girls may be different sizes and have different goals but their supportive and seem genuinely interested in each others progress. We have a on line support group that has been really good. Food tips and motivating each other. I must admit it has helped during in low points this week and its always good to have a nosey and how people scrub up when there not dripping with sweat, hair scrapped back in their sportwear.

We had all measured this week. The smaller folk of the group losing a few inches here and there and a few of them seeming a little disappointed until Kat pulled the tape measure nice and tight dropping several more inches off. I lost 10.5 off various body parts. Again people commented that they could tell which was really great. Kat said the highest she’d ever had in 4 week was 13.5 so I was defiantly up there in her top set. Felt good. When one of the fit lycra blondes got measured they measured her waist. It was only 2 inches more than my thigh! I was next to my ‘friend’ and we couldn’t help but have a little giggle at this comparing it to other body parts of ours!

I worked hard. I was pleased with myself but my balance is genuinely shit! I’m just too fucking heavy it’s hard to balance all my weight on one and my tip toes or just my arms on the bars. I’ll bloody pull my arms out the sockets!! But I smashed the short bursts of cardio. She wanted us to 200m of rowing in a minute I did 250 60 more than the fit bird next to me, not that I’m competitive). She then put us on the treadmill for a minute. I was secretly confident that I knew I’d smash this as Barbie in front of me struggled to complete a minute. Me and my brother used to go to the gym with some students at work and he’d make me sprint for short distances then do some weights then sprint again so I already knew that I wasn’t bad but it had been a while. As I started running it wasn’t nearly fast enough and I had to tell Kat to turn it up. I did good and I was pleased with myself even asking to do it again later as part of the circuits.

I know my strengths and my weaknesses and I’m competitive. Surely this is a good start?!

I would just like to say if anybody is reading this from any of my classes that I’ve described as Barbie or Pocahontas or anything else I do not mean to be offensive. I just say it like it is. Barbie and Pocahontas are very attractive ladies! I’m not good with names please don’t think I’m being mean. If I didn’t like you I’d be calling you ugly bastard or dirty whore.

Had the family over for tea cooked a big roast, crispy roast potatoes and homemade Yorkshire puds. I didn’t have either but did plenty of meat and veg and mashed swede. I love swede and it always makes me feel like I’m not missing out at potatoes as much when I have mashed swede.

Monday 27^th January

Oh my god how my arms ache today!! And my shoulders hurt! No wonder after me trying to lift my heavy bulk up!

Busy day at work. Out and about in the pool car (still carless) doing home visits. Sorting out others mistakes. Felling a little pissed off. Luckily I came prepared with my cashunuts and cranberries. Need good healthy snacks to get me through the day and my diet coke of course.

Even with aching arms I was feeling positive about going to dance fit! Even if I’d look like I was trying to do the thriller dance. Arms flopping to one side rather than reaching up high and working out those bingo wings! Unfortunately my dance partner and lift to the class couldn’t make it! Bollocks I hate not having a car! Class missed. I then finally caught up with my neighbour trying to keep my cool but not happy at him admitting moving it but not breaking it?!

Miffed I had a bubble bath and put my cosey pjs on which is my new answer to everything when I’m pissed off! Its got to beat eating ice cream!! Mmm how I miss ice cream!! Chocolately nutty loveliness with chunks of brownie. Now I hate crappy ice cream its got to be the good stuff or I’m not interested at all. Me and Mr D tried a skinny moo iced mousse tonight. Though it looked good. It wasn’t. It had a weird after taste and just did not hit the spot! Chocolate my fucking arse!! Disappointing. How i miss ice-cream.

Tuesday 28^th January

Off site again and bought a kitkat chunky for 20p. Not for myself I gave it to my student but at that price I had to buy it. Bargain! Now I haven’t told you much yet about how much I like bargains. Like a little too much. Like I’m a little obsessive. I go food shopping at certain times when things get double reduced. I hate paying more than 20p for salad. If I can get it that cheap why would I want to pay £3? Its salad for fuck sake!! Now when you start shopping like this it’s hard to go back! I hate spending a lot of money on food. We spend about a tenner a week and that’s including the freezer always being full of the best quality meat and fish. Frozen on the day it needs and eating and bought for 50p instead of £5. The only problem with this is it’s not just salad that goes cheap. Its everything including the bad stuff! Puddings and nice bread. All sort of bread and croissants and those lovely cheese twists that are only 9p each! I often take in bags of shopping to work. Sausage rolls, doughnuts, pastries I would of only spent a £1 but made everyone else happy at work even when I can’t have any.

This week there were big cheese boards for £1.50 how we love cheese but with the support of the Mr we didn’t buy it. Good job we were feeling strong that day! How we looooooove the cheese!!

Wednesday 29^th January

Tonight at class she played a bit of Elvis ‘Houndog’ very pleased with this a love a good shimmy to the king! But then she played a new song... Pitballs ‘Swing your partner round and round’ Now I don’t have a problem with this song I actually quite like it. Mid way through the track she told us to grab a partner to ‘swing round and round’ now I really don’t like touching people especially strangers and especially when I’m all gross and sweaty. I don’t want to touch people there’s nothing a hate more when a work acquaintance decides to give you a hug! No do not hug me! You are in my personal space, get out!! Even my bestest buddy knows I don’t do hugs and this would only happen under the influence of a large amount of alcohol. So I am not happy about this situation, I’m there on my own right in the middle of the crowd when camp man grabs me by the arm. I can just about deal with this, at least I kind of know him and I couldn’t see any sweat dripping off him. I think this was the best possible outcome. Next time I’m hiding at the back!!

Thursday 30^th January

At work today I walked into a classroom and 2 of the older girls told me it looked like I’d lost weight. Now for one of this young ladies in particular it is rare that anything nice comes out of her mouth so this was surprising and seemed genuine?! At work it would be a rare week if I wasn’t called a fat slag at some point. This particular girl once gave me a whole rant saying ‘why are you so fat? Your brother is so fit and looks after himself so you must sit at home and binge eat. Why don’t you go and lose some weight’ In general you get used to these kinds of comments when you work with young people with social and emotional difficulties. You have to learn to be thick skinned as they will target your weaknesses. Being strong can sometimes be tough.

Friday 31^st January

Not only is it treat night but time for my first beverage of the month! Work at the moment has been particularly challenging so a nice glass of wine is much needed!! Tonight we went out for a meal with Mr Ds family for his brothers birthdays so we didn’t get a choice in the treat but went for a take your own booze Indian. This is quite a dangerous area for me. Take your own booze and with the Misters family but luckily they are easy going and like a tipple themselves. After a pretty average biriani and some chips. (Chips are my favourite food and will always be eaten on treat night where possible!!) I didn’t actually manage to eat all my nan bread. I do think I’m eating less even on treat night. Lets not forget I’m a big eater so I’m not saying all of a sudden I’m eating like a bird but I think normally would of polished off everything! The wine went down nicely and my big plan to move on to vodka didn’t really happen. I just wasn’t really feeling it and after a few cheeky jagers I just drank diet coke for the rest of the night! Ended up with a nice little open mic styley pub where Mr D was in his element. Good end to the night and no naughty treats consumed on the way home!!

Saturday 1^st February

With offerings of a fry up for breakfast even will feeling a little tender I managed to make the right choice and say no. Even driving past a nice little greasy spoon which we have visited on a few occasions I was not tempted and waited until I got home to cook a nice healthy quorn breakfast!

We then went off to The Circus of Horrors as a last minute cheap Saturday night entertainment! It was pretty damn weird at times with a midget having a hover attached to his penis?! And these guys were runners up in Britain’s got Talent. I’m pretty sure there were no penis antics in that!! I went equipped with healthy snacks including salted popcorn and I’d cooked in the microwave before I left and then wrapped in foil to try and keep it warm sadly this failed but I did have a back of a bag of seeds! Yum- NOT!

Nobody can like fucking seeds can they?!

Seeds for lunch???

Sunday 11^th January

Its bootcamp time again! Feeling a little more confident this week and happily strolled in with the week’s food diary under my arm! We went around the circle asking about how our week went and alot of positive comments around the group. A fit tanned blonde lady kitted out in her addidas lycra commented that she feels like she’s eating more than usual. She was having scrambled egg for breakfast and at lunch time just not feeling hungry and just wanting seeds for lunch.

SEEDS FOR LUNCH???   Who gets full on seeds? Am I missing something? Bloody hell!!

Today I made a friend. As I’ve said before I may be a confident outgoing person that feels confident around the people I know but I’m really not fond of making new friends. I must of naturally gone towards one of the few more curvaious members of the group. She was nice a bit older than myself but she’d already lost 5 stone so I’m more than happy to get a bit of advice from her. We paired up being the 2 heaviest it seemed to make sense especially when it comes to things like the punch bag I can’t be having some wafer thin on the side. One punch and she’ll be the other side of the room! Then she made us sprint. Now I like sprinting. As long as its short distance I’m actually pretty fast for a fat bird. We had to sprint there and back 3 times none stop. Unfortunately my curvious new friend has a bad knee and couldn’t do it so I ended up teamed up with a Ponchontus skinny whippet. There was no way this whippet was going to beat me! I am a competitive person which I hope is going to finally see me tackle this weight problem for good!

Well I gave it some! Not some half hearted effort that some of these manicured beauties put in but fully pelted it through the gym.  I don’t do things by halfs, let’s do this properly!! I could see her close behind me but I was not stopping and sped through the end! Winning! There was no way I was going to loose and I felt bloody great! And then I felt really sick like I was going to throw up at any point. Nobody else felt sick. I’d obviously pushed myself too far and though I was going to spew up this morning’s yogurt everywhere. Luckily after many sips of  water I did a big greek yogurt and honey burp and I was back on form again!

Later on it was weigh in time! Lost another 3lb. 10lb in 2 weeks I’m pretty chuffed with that!!

Monday 12^th January

Tonight to class I took my sister in law with me which made a nice change to doing so much of my exercise on my own. Now Mrs B is very fit! I was happy to drive to class, Mrs B ran to class! Her and my brother are super fit. They work very hard eating healthy and  exercising lots and even finding time to squeeze it all round having a baby to look after. But there not the kind of couple that don’t let there hair down. They love a good Chinese take away and slice of cake like the rest of us they then just do the right thing and work it off the next day. There dedicated and they do it together which I believe is part of the key to losing weight for good. If you’ve got someone by your side supporting you through instead of stuffing their face full of chocolate chip cookies whilst your munching on celery it makes things a lot easier. I am lucky that I have found a man now that supports me and helps me without making me feel bad when I’m having a tough day.

I also like having a friend with me as it encourages me to do my best. Having someone super fit by your side is only going to push me to do my best and be at the top of my game. I don’t like to appear weak. That just because I’m big I can’t do it. Because I can and I can do it well!!

Tuesday 13^th January

Everybody had been tucking in to nice large piece of this big fat chocolate cake with chocolate butter cream icing and I turned it down. Then it started calling me. It was sitting there in the staff kitchen looking all chocolately and yummy and I just couldn’t resist the smallest slither of a slice and it tasted good. But that is all I had but today instead of beating myself up about it. I felt good. So many times I would have gave in and ate a big chunk with my colleagues (who many are constantly on a variety of failing diets also) but today I am proud of myself because stopping at just a slither is hard.

Fuck you chocolate cake!

Wednesday 14^th January

I managed to make the mad dash and make it to my favourite class but I got stuck in front of the mirror. There’s nothing I hate more than being in a class in front of the mirror. The site of me jumping up and down seeing everything wobberly about is enough to put me off going to classes for good. I like to stand at the back and make sure I am stood directly behind somebody so I can’t see any glimpse of myself in the mirror. But today I just had to get by and constantly look slightly to the left so I didn’t have to look at myself.   It was hard though as no matter how much I looked to the left out of the corner of my eye I could still see a big orange blob bouncing up and down.

Today I’m not feeling so great about myself.

Thursday 15^th January

Today I thought I was going to get in some good exercise at work but my timetable changed! BOLLOCKS! Thursdays I used to work off site with some young people doing some work in the gym and then gong for a swim! Which is fantastic any exercise you can get in work time is brilliant! oooshhhh paid to get fit!!  (As long as I remember to bring a vest top to put under my cozzie can’t be having any cleavage on show when working with teenage boys) but the timetable changed to quite the opposite. I was covering a cooking lesson and today’s lesson Victoria sponge! BOLLOCKS. Not only have I never cooked a Victoria sponge but I could really fancy a slice of cake. Before the cooking of cake began the student had to design a poster and invite for his folder. Fantastic whilst he was busy colouring in I manged to raid the kitchen cupboards and make a honey, oat and fruit flapjack. No cake was consumed at all. I even chucked away half a bowl full of chocolate icing as unfortunately the recipe wasn’t there for the middle so I just had to wing and somehow managed to make about 5 times the amount we needed.

Friday 16^th January

Oooo nearly time for treat night. Mmm all the possabilities of the goodness I want to enjoy! Was supposed to be off for a buffet style meal for my friends birthday but it got prosponed until next Friday so then I just spent the morning thinking about where we could go for treat night. Now my other half Mr D is just as excited about treat night as me. He is more than happy to eat healthy all week and he genuinely enjoys a good salad but treat night is something that can’t be decided quickly. We need to make sure we pick something that we’ve been craving so we will not give in to temptation at any other point in the week. I decided to take him for some proper good pub grub with good size portions and proper chips not fries! First though I managed to squeeze in a Friday after work zumba class. Unfortunately I felt it was hardly worse my while. If I’m putting a hour side of my Friday evening to exercise I want to exercise good and hard! The class was okay. I few dance moves a little jumping up and down here and there but not a patch on Kats class. Since starting Kats classes where she works you really hard but manages to make it enjoyable at the same time unfortunately none of the other classes match up. Probably burnt half the calories I do in her class. If I’m lucky!

Saturday 17^th January

Started the day by nipping into work just to gain some lieu time so I can get off early on a Wed to get to Kats class. Thats what you call dedication!

 Then I went off for a swim. I like to swim and try and like to go at least twice a week. Swimming gives me time to think. Think about all the things I need to do. Want to do. It was whilst  swimming in December that made me think about the idea of writing a book about the trials and tribulations of trying to loose weight. A friend of mine suggested I start of by putting it in a blog and thats where it all began. I hope she doesn’t want royalties one day when I’m rich and famous ;)

Saturday afternoon I cracked with filling in my application form for a job. These things can be so complicated sometimes. I really need to sit and concentrate. Luckily Mr D had gone out on his brewery tour I’d bought him for his birthday so no distractions. I’d decided to go booze free in January which didn’t really bother me that much. Kat had then asked us to go without booze whilst we were on boot camp so I felt quite determined that this would be something I could stick to and so far so good. People that know me would say yes she likes a drink but in honesty I don’t really. Yes I do like to party and have a good night out and I will consume many beverages but as 30 approaches’ they are not as many as they used to be. I don’t enjoy alcohol. Mr D loves a good pint of ale and genuinely enjoys it but there’s no real alcoholic beverage I really enjoy so I rarely have a casual drink. I don’t sit at home with a sneaky glass of wine unless I was heading for a night out. But when i went to pick up the boys who by 8pm we starting to wobble a little as they walked to the car. Then I did quite fancy a couple. I will be strong.

Another 2 weeks without booze to go!