27th December 2013
You fat fucking bitch! I can’t believe you’d let yourself
put on so much weight AGAIN!!!
That's over 2 stone since I last weighed myself in the
summer! That must be at least a stone over the Christmas period. Was that
chocolate sponge and custard you shovelled in your mouth at my bessies earlier
worth it?!I actually feel sick!! I don’t even want to eat anymore crap but with
only a few days until my diet starts I need to cram in all my favourite things
in the same week. I know this won’t help but I cant help but do it every single
time! I will shovel every bit of cheese and chocolate left over from Christmas
before it begins and maybe a pizza and some curry too.
Hmm but I was wearing my coat and shoes when I weighed
myself, that’s got to be half a stone? Her scales are probably crap anyway
so maybe I’m not that heavy. Maybe a stone lighter than that. That's not so bad.
November 30th I went to the fellas Christmas do in a nice red dress. I felt good. Why can't I just remember how good that feeling felt?! Instead I have spent December eating what I want, drinking what I want and now I am extra gross!!
28th December 2013
Boots has confirmed it. Bastard boots scales! Bloody hell I’m gross. I should have known. My coat only just seems to be
doing up over my belly. Its gaping, my bag strap can just cover it. That's fine my bag can cover it and it will look fine. That's it, I'm not waiting any longer I'm not waiting for New Years Day to 'start a fresh, get thin for 2014' Ugh I say the same thing every year. I'm starting tomorrow!! First I will go home and eat all my favourite things starting with those peanut m and ms I bought someone for Christmas and forgot to give them and then curry for tea... with a big fat nan bread!! and then that's it tomorrow is a new day a new me.
Managed to squeeze in 2 little Thornton's chocolates and a Baily's as my last treat. I don't even like Baily's?! what am I doing?!
Do people do that? Fill there selves full of their favourite things the day before/week before/ month before you know your going to go on a health kick/diet? Probably how I've managed to put a stone on in the last few weeks.
29th December 2013
Right here goes. Think thin as it says in big letters on my fridge!! I am not going to let myself get up to this weight again!! Cheese, chocolate and any other goodies in the bin! Cooked a nice healthy breakfast for me and the fella then off for a swim! I'm lucky he wants to shift a few pounds too. In the last 6 months since we've been together hes put on a stone. Hes tall so you can't really tell. His family poke at it. I'm sure people are thinking 'thats what happens when you date a fat bird' Well were both getting fit now so you can all sod off!!
We went home and had a large chicken salad and it was pretty good even without a big fat cob on the side. Now I know how to eat healthy. I've done every diet going. I'm not stupid! Yes I am well aware losing weight is easy 'eat less, exercise more' YAWN! yes I fucking know!! but some of us in this life are foodies. We like our grub and seem to put on weight easily. Yes I know all you skinnies will think that's rubbish but do you know what 'fuck off' I'm not interested in people telling me where I go wrong! I know where I go wrong. I have to eat healthy all the time or I put on weight. Simple. Or not so simple if you want to lead a normal life and go out for a pizza with your friends. Only I can do this and I need to change for life.
31st December 2013
So far so good. A couple of days of exercise and healthy eating. Already I feel better. Can I weigh myself again yet?! I don't even feel too bad in the swimsuit. It is my favourite one that holds me quite well and shows off the bust. Always my best plan. As long as the bust looks good people will not notice the other bad bits as much. Now don't get my wrong I'm not some tart that just has her boobs out all the time but a cheeky bit of cleavage sometimes helps the confidence. I've watched enough Gok, Trinny and Suzannah and how ever else to know what to wear to flatter my figure and I think I do a good job of it. I can look alright for a fat bird but I don't want to look alright for a fat bird. I want to look in the mirror and be happy. I don't think I have ever done that.
Tonight we went for a all you can eat Chinese and we tried. Not as hard as we could have but didn't completely mess up either. I did not give in to chicken balls or chips and had lovely fresh food from the tapanyaki. Still ate too much of the 'good stuff' we went out for a few more drinks and then went home because we were full and just could not be bothered to drink. This is our problem we are content. Happy New year snuggled in our pj's just how we like it :)
1st January 2014
I am a fat bird turning 30 and I admit I am a yo yo dieter.
A new year. A new me. I'm writing this blog for me and for people that may understand some of the same things that I go through. I don't want abuse, I don't want advice. I just want to let everything out and hope a few people will understand my journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment