Back to being fat!!

I stopped doing my blog as my laptop broke and it took a while to sort it out. Now I don’t know where to begin again. So much has happened in the last couple of months and thrown me in to a roller coaster.  The personal trainer sessions came to a end because of the others work commitments which was sad but I felt it was time. Work spiralled out of control. The Head Teacher was completly unhinged. No people skills, if your face fitted you were fine. If she didn’t like you then you were fucked. As soon as my complaint went in about her lying about me she would go out of her way to blank me and ignore me. She held back my expenses and would cancel activities I organised.  My stress levels were high and exercising went out the window. I was working hard and being treated awfully the stress started getting on top of me and effecting my personal life. All I wanted to do was go home and stay there which stopped me going to my classes. People around me started worrying about me so I went to the doctors. She confirmed that mainly work but also my ongoing weight issues are really getting me down and referred me to a mental health service. Me a strong confident woman referred to see a therapist?! I couldn’t get my head round it and hated having to admit it. I am I offically crazy?

The mental Health Service contacted me by letter and asked me what service I wanted. I don’t bloody know what service I want?! Aren’t they supposed to be telling me the answers? Definatley not a good start and surely must put off people that do have any mental health issues? Not that I have.

I managed to get a new job at a school in a residential school. I had to take a money cut and work evenings but I needed to leave. I got the job but unfortunately it wasn’t that simple. The Head Teacher would not tell me what notice I had to give and we she eventually did she told me 3 months (emailed me as she would not speak to me) I was worried my new job would not wait but they were really good. I asked HR about my notice and then received a email from my new boss on a Saturday night  saying I was been let off from my job the following week. I couldn’t believe it had gone from 3 months to 2 weeks. That would have gave me 5 days to say goodbye to my young people which is not enough for them to understand and if I was off site I wouldn’t of even had chance to see my caseload who I have put so much work into. Problems then got worse but she agreed to give me a extra week there to sort everything out but I would lose all my holidays. I sent a email to HR asking about losing my holiday. The next morning at 8.30 she called me into her office to tell me ‘because i was making waves she was suspending me with 10 minutes to collect my things’ I was very upset, she shouted at me as I was trying to get my things together ‘You must not talk to any staff and must leave in 10 minutes’ I left in a complete state telling her ‘you’ll go down for this’ I heard nothing for 2 days from HR or my Unison rep. Nobody could give me any answers nobody returned my calls. I sent many emails with evidence and originally they tried to say I was off with gardeners leave and good luck in my new job but there was no way she was going to get away with that. She had already suspended staff for nothing and drove people out it would only be one of my friends next if I didn’t do anything about it so I fought! Mr D was worried that this might send me stress levels over the edge but I knew I had to do it! I wrote a full detailed complaint about the last 6 months and the unfairness of the way people were treated and wouldn’t let them drop it. It worked! They had no choice with 2 staff off suspended with no reasons and lots of lies that she had to go. I refuse to feel sad for what I did because you can’t run a school and treat people like that!

Mr D has been my absolute rock and stood by me when I’ve just wanted to hide under the duvet and not come out to me crying my heart out or being crazily angry that I want to punch sombodies face in! I’m moody at the best of times so it takes a special man with a lot of love and patience to not only stand by me but give me unlimited love and do anything to help me.

We used the time off wisely and me and Mr D took off to Furtventura for a well deserved relaxing break. We drank too much and ate too much. By the end of the week our clothes were tight and I was feeling very fat and bloated! But I did not feel stressed I was so chilled I read 3 books. Everything but my diet seemed to be looking up and things got even better. On a romantic evening stroll on the beach Mr D proposed and I accepted. Time to start my new, get back on the diet and start planning our wedding!!

22/06/14 I’m a failure. My trousers are no longer big they fit just fine. I’m nearly back to where I first started in January.  I don’t feel like I can go back to the classes I once loved because I’m a failure and its obvious by just looking at me. How can I walk back through the doors hiding behind my original baggy gym wear? I havn’t heard from anyone. With facebook updates of ‘don’t be a failure’  and before and after pics of how well people have done in the last 6 months. Thats not me. I’m fat.