22/12/14 I just wanted to go to Asda for 10 bloody minutes.
Pop in swap Mr Ds trousers and buy a cheese wine set. That is it. My mum went
off to look at clothes I said I’d call her once we’d done. The place was manic
I wanted in and out! I waited for mum near the entrance but she didn’t appear.
I tried to call her and looked for her so I texted her saying i would go to the
car. As I left trying to call her a man ran into me with his trolly as I walked
off he was muttering loudly ‘Well if you weren’t on your phone’ PRICK!! She
didn’t arrive so I parked in the drop off bit and waited. Still no mum and
still not answering the phone. By the 6th time I’d tried to call her
I realised should must not have her phone so I nipped in to see if i could see
her. I couldn’t!! I went back to the car and had to move it out of drop off and
park up again. I went back in trying to find her and went up and down every
bloody isle!! 50 minutes looking and there she was waving at me at the end of
the checks out!! 50 bloody minutes!! As I stormed back to the car a man full on
elbowed me in the chest! So much to do I got back in the car to hit crazy
traffic!! Arrgghhhhh!!!! I hate fucking Asda and traffic and people!!
People may wonder why rants about Asda are in my losing weigh Blog. Well if you are really fucking pissed off what does it lead to? FOOD!!!!!
After I dropped mum I was tired, grumpy and starving. As I
neared my home I pulled up outside the chip shop. I’d just have a chicken kebab
I kept telling myself. As I waited for 10 minutes staring at the battered
sausages and the fresh chips being wrapped. Chip shop chips might be my
favourite thing in the whole fucking world!! I had to keep saying to myself
over and over again ‘chicken kebab, chicken kebab’ to make sure when i got to
the counter I didn’t order all the amazing foods i could see infront of me!! I
did it. It may be a large but Im pretty happy with myself went home with my big
fat chicken kebab with loads of salad!
After shovelling it down and following it with a couple of
celebrations choc. (good job I only had a couple) I whizzed over to take some
pressies to the girl Ive been working with. Re checked my message and i arrived
an hour early so had to spend an hour in a busy tesco looking at ingrediants
for gingerbread. Arghh I finally got home to wrap yet more pressies! I tried to
get back on track and we had chicken pasta for tea then whizzed off to se Mr Ds
dad for his birthday. Wow we really are crazy busy right now!!
So my green hair
doesn’t want to shift! Normally I’d be happy that a bright colour doesn’t fade
quick but now Ive got modelling in the pipeline I really need to get rid. I
stripped it and it and it didn’t work at all so somebody mentioned it needs red
pigments so put a reddy ginger on the bottom and it has now just gone a dark
Christmas tree kind of green. Crap!
Bit of time with the in laws then back home to start making
the truffles. Mmm melted chocolate and cream in the fridge over night! Mr D
made us a chicken salad sandwhich for supper. A little bit naughty!!
23/12/14 All over the Slimming World sites people are making
it to goal and targets!! Is no one else struggling to keep it together this
December?? Fucking hell! Well I know Im doing well compared to my buddies they are
completly off plan and stuffing their faces. They do make me laugh! These girls
get me in a completly different way. Obsessing over food. Being very good,
being very bad sending photos of our naughties, our healthy cooking. Having
full blown conversations about our favourite sauces.
Spent the afternoon with ketchup on my hair followed by
soaking it in vinegar and washing it in bicorbanate soda. Still green.
Bubble bath a couple of lagers and blackcurrent later I was
again putting on the suck me in tights. Again nipping at my thighs! Red Santa
dress on (classy one to my knee not some slutty one I bought from Home Bargains
for £2.99!) My cute little Santa shawl on, black belt, white long sock with
white fluffy tops, long black boots and my Santa hat of course! I am a classy
Santa (she says necking the end of her pint!!) I’m really not feeling the new
hair extentions they really weren’t looking right! I decided to opt for a big
side pony and last minute gripped it all up and went with a messy bun. Pleased
but very last minute I quickly zoomed out of the door!! After having to walk
across the Market place as Santa I reached Nandos. Some of the girls were ready
and waiting! Glad to see a few in full Christmas wear and everybody else nice
and sparkly!! I was good and had butterfly chicken rice and corn on the cob and
hallumi, slice of chedder and chilli jam to the chicken! Mmm! Not sure how
many extras the chilli jam would be but it made it sooooo much better!! Cheese
and spice make everything better! I slipped vodka into my unlimited diet coke
refills and enjoyed the food drink and company muchly! We went to a few bars
met a few more folks, got dragged to some awful bars had many drunken heart to
hearts, drunken boogies, got my arse smacked-hard! (how fucking rude!!) Drank way too many shots of
tequila, danced all night and sang karaoke in a awful dive of a pub where we
stayed for the rest of the night!! It was a truely fab night I have made some
really good new friends in this lot!! And in true fat club style we ended up
sitting on a chip shop floor eating a feast of filthy greasy naughtys!!
24/12/14 So excited its Christmas eve!!!!!!!!!!!!! My
favourite day of the year!! Feeling a slightly bit rough! At 5am I necked a few
pints of water and woke up Mr D to ask if I could see my neice yet. He did not
find this funny!! He was pretty annoyed and proceeded to tell me how I kept him
up for an hour talking crap at 2.30am! and now Ive woken him up at 5am. Oops I
managed to doze back of to sleep until I heard my phone vibrating at 8.30am! My
brother was ringing me to tell me him and my neice were up watching Elf and
ready for me to come over! They were very excited!! I jumped straight up and in
the shower and finally got Mr D out of bed and into a elf outfit! Of course i
was also dressed as a elf! Fully christmased up and the boot full of pressies
off we went to our first stop!! Very
excited we pumped out the Christmas tunes and arrived at their house with her
Christmas eve box. She was so excited and opened her box with her very own elf
outfit, christmasy gingerbread pyjamas, the snowman puppet book, the snowman
DVD and christmasy chocolates! Everything you need for Christmas Eve! Thoughts
of being good were out of the window!! I was just feeling very excited. I had a
few cookies as I started to feel a little rough and needed some naughtys to soak
it up! We then went to see my Nan and Grandad starting to feel a little more
rough. A good natter and some cow
biscuits (that you must only be able get in some special grandparent shop!) and
we needed to stop for a early lunch! We were both hungry. Mr D refused to keep
his Elf outfit on but I was not fussed and happily went into Subway in full Elf
outfit! I was still trying not to be too bad and only opted for a 6 inch sub as
Mr D got his big fat one. I love tuna mayo when Im rough but I made a bad move
and had it toasted with southwest sauce. Nooooo don’t mess with tuna mayo!!
Just salad and a nice cob is perfect! Now if it was steak and cheese that would
be different then it should be toasted with southwest sauce!! Damn in my
roughness I messed up my order. To improve this mess I spotted a few bargains
and just had to buy a chocolate milkshake and snickers flapjack and off we went
home for our little picnic with a bag of walkers cheese and onion crisps. Mmmm
what a treat shame I messed up the butty!
Ive just had a flashback helped with a photo from last night
that I ate my battred sausage I dropped on the chip shop floor! What a state!
What a fat bastard!!
Then off to our next stop off to the Bessie. She lives 40
mins away and I have already gave her pressies but it wouldn’t be the same not
seeing her on Christmas Eve. I let her open one present early the beautiful
sewing basket I made her. Eek I get more
excited about giving pressies then the recivers! We then had a cheeky piece of
carrot cake and had a little nosey at the nursery thats now ready! How different
Christmas will be next year! I gave everybody the gingerbread hearts with the
little windows in the middle to everybody in nice little see through snowflake
gift bags I got in the January sale! We managed to squeeze in a full hour power
nap (more of a proper sleep than a little nap we completly zonked out!) Then
popped to see my last friend on the list with her 4 year old daughter. She was
so excited. 4 is a great age when their really into Christmas!! I gave her a
cheeky little Christmas eve present and surprised her mum as she came out dressed
as a Elf!! I loved elves so much!! Yey its Christmas Eve!
Popped in to Tesco to get goodies for Christmas Day
breakfast you don’t want something to heavy but we’ll be up early so will need
something good and naughty to keep us going. Christmas day has to be filled
with indulgence because its Christmas Day for fucks sake. I bought a special
Christmas brie, crumpits and some extra special raspberry pan au chocolate. mmmm
We picked up my mum and Step dad and went off to the
pub for Christmas Eve. It wasn’t as bad as we first thought as we were all down
one end and quite away from the busy pub. Finally officially off the diet!!
(not that milkshake and a flapjack was on it ha ha!) The step bro was running
late so we ordered a few starters to share potatoe wedges with stilton and
bacon, nachos with cheese and cheesey garlic bread! Not that we love cheese or
anything! Everybody arrived at once and the starters! They didn’t stretch far
but I managed to get enough to get started the stilton wedges were amazing!!
Mmm now what to have for the main? Ive been thinking about this for weeks
planning on what treats I can have for my 2 and a half days off. How i can get
in all my fave foods so I don’t feel like ive missed anything out!! I was
tempted by the burger have it with all the extras, cheese and chilli mmm but
luckily i got a sneaky look at somebodys burger at the next table and it just
didn’t look impressive! So I ordered what I defiantly cant have on Slimming
World a proper pie!! Crusty steak and ale pie, chips, peas and gravy!! It
wasn’t any fancy homemade pie we were in a chain pub but it wasn’t bad! Mr D
was very disappointed with his a very shit looking pulled pork chilli. It
looking fucking awful! There was no way it was going to taste good, I even
offered him some of my pie. I felt bad for him, nothing worse than waiting for a
nice treat and it comes out shit!! At least he ordered a portion of chips on
the side! Better than a kick in the teeth!! My mum had the same as me with the
same thoughts of what aren’t we allowed on Slimming World ha ha. Theres no way i
wasn’t going to indulge on a pudding!! Theres one thing i haven’t had a long
time and that a yummy chocolatey pudding with custard!! Brownie cookie brownie
with custard. Hell Yes!!! It was gone in minutes!! I miss good stodgy pudding
so much!! Felt pretty stuffed as we all sat there in red wigs and hairy
eyebrows opening more random Christmas gifts! My neice loked so cute as a Elf
and my Step brothers little boy was a elf too!! After lots of christmasy
goodness we headed home to get to bed before Santa came!!!
25/12/14 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Its Christmas
day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn’t sleep well I kept waking up. I
swear even the dog knows its Christmas I found him sitting eagerly outside the
bedroom do on at least 2 of my late night loo visits. At 7am I woke up Mr D and
he said I had to wait until 7.30. Whats that about?! Thats what time I normally
get up!! I waited a little longer, put
the heating on to make him happy and put afew christmasy tunes and we got up to
do pressies! He got me a huge beautiful hamper basket full of little pressies
and one big box. I was petty sure I knew what the big box was as I’d hinted
lots and lots for a certain healthy frier! I never hint for anything I don’t
normally want anything but I was very happy to receive my Halo!! Whoop! The
only kind of halo I’ll ever deserve ha! Mr D was very happy with his day
tickets to Download Festival, his Samcrow t shirt and put on his Pink Floyd
dressing gown straight away. He also
liked all the millions of other little pressies. We moved on to all the friends
pressies. I got lots as always! Got some really lovely gifts always like it
when my Bessie makes me stuff. Shes so gifted she made us a nice little
photframe with our names in scrabble pieces. The thoughtful presents are always
my favourite. You always get a few pressies that I think do you really know me
at all? Bumper pack of sweets! Well Im usually on a diet and I don’t like
sweets. Some presents will be recycled as
I just don’t need all this stuff. Its good to recycle!
We filled the car with all the large bags of pressies and
went off to my mums. Loved seeing everything we’d bought and wrapped. My mums
so easy to buy for. As we arrived they were in their Christmas onesies I’d bought them and gave them Christmas eve.
Christmas eve pressies were my new thing this year! Its nice to get a nice
christmasy gift the day before. My neice
arrived soon after, very exciting! She got straight into opening her gifts.
Shes still too young to really understand but it excited her. She seemed very happy with a plastic hippo
cup and plate set I bought her and playing with the paper ha ha. If only we
were all so easily pleased. She put her new little red converse straight on and we played with the puppet show set we'd bought. It was
lovely its hard to imagine I could get more excited about Christmas but since
my neice came along it has become more exciting so I’ll be off the scale when I
have my own kids.
Next stop the Inlaws. There was pressies and people
everywhere. Its nice having a full house at christmas time and everyone
around. I love Christmas dinner it has to be my favourite meal of the year. Ive
done it a few times myself really indulging on mash with cream, crispy goose
fat roasties and the best sausagemeat stuffing. Thats the level I like my Christmas
dinner at and of course plentiful. My mother in law cooks Christmas dinner for
16 but still manages to do a blody smashing job and that cant be easy. Ive had
previous other houses Ive had to go for Christmas dinner and had to have little
frozen stuffing balls, dried up chicken breast and aunty bessies roasties.
Aunty fucking bessies roasties??! Who does those on Christmas day??!! There was also a year a friend bought homemade cranberry sauce round and me and the bessie said it looked lik period blood. We thought that was hilarious Im pretty sure he never came for dinner again. Luckily I
don’t have to worry about that today. The dinner was fantastic a plate full of
rich and tasty food and of course lashings of cranberry sauce.There wasn’t chance
to be greedy if I was at home I would have filled my plateuntilI couldn’t move
but you cant be the one fatie at the table that wants more.
It was then time for more presents, which was kaos. 16
people in one room throwing presents at you from all directions. You didn’t know
who had given you what and everyone was just opening at once surrounded by a
sea of wrapping paper and my dog barking and going crazy in the middle of it
all. It was exciting and christmasy but I do like opening pressies seperatly with
my family so I can see people excited about what they have. We had lots of
vouchers towards wedding goodies and plenty of choccies and goodies that we
picked on all afternoon. Christmas tea was equally as good. Where everybody
gets up saying their not hungry and walk away with a plate of cheeses, nuts,
crisps and crusty bread and even have seconds. I then sat on my fat ass for the
rest of the evening. We played a few of the different little pocket quizzes we
received. There a clever bunch I had no chance and most of the questions. Obviously
still finding room for pudding. I picked chocolate but still had a sneaky try
of the raspberry roulade also. Such a fat bastard. Most people went so there was only a few of us left to watch shity Tv and still munch on the odd celebration.
We realised we'd not recieved a present from one of Mr Ds Aunties when we were told we had a voucher. That only meant one thing!! We had to go through all the present bags and go through all the bin bags of wrapping. Three bin bags later and we found it. The voucher had been wrapped up with a box of heroes and we'd not noticed it and chucked it! Thank fuck we found it!!
It was a fantastic Christmas and my last one as a Miss. I am
so lucky to now have two fabulous families around me. Thank you to everybody who
helped make my Christmas fantastic!!
26/12/14 We got up about 10am and headed home pretty much straigh away with our gifts. By 11.15am we were sat at home discussing what naughties we could have for lunch. I fancied chinese not the easiest thing to have Boxing day lunch and Mr D fancied chippy! i settled for chippy and we got up the Just eat app and found 2 local chippies open at 11.30! Bonus!! Whoop started loooking at what goodies to order when it popped up 'No delivery' Damn it!! Had to brush my hair and take my onesie off which i wanted to be on all day today! We drove out passing a few closed chippies on the way to the one not deloivering to find it was closed!!! After driving around for quite a while looking for open chip shops Mr D said there was one on pride Park. I knew there wasnt!! Im the fat one here! I know theres no chippy at Pride park!! I was right so we headed to the only option which was now looking rather appealing. Mcdonalds. As we stood in the queue for Mcys we were
discussing what extras we were going to order on top of our bigmac meals. As we
discussed extra chips, nuggets and cheese burgers the thin brunette infront of
us half turned round and looked down her nose at us. I decided I’d keep quiet
about my greed and we ordered a little greedy feast between us. As we sat and
stuffed our faces on the sofa whilst watching Anarchy you don’t get much more
dirty and greedy than dunking your extra burger in your sweet curry dip and wondering
how many chips I still have left.
Oh god I feel so sick. I am a disgusting fat bastard and
deserve to be right now!!
Im actually feeling glad to be back on plan tomorrow this
dirty stodged up nasty feeling is not good. After a few hours of lazing I went
off to try and get some more bargains for Boxing Day tea. I got side tracked
and popped in Next. Im not a Next person its too ‘beige’ for me but I like the
homewear section. It was a good move I spotted some jars with ribbon round and
red flowers. £2.50 instead of £8. Very cute and would be a really good
decoration for the wedding. Having two venues I will need lots of pretties!! I
got loads of bargains. All filth. 12p bags of cookies. Double chocolate, white
chocolate, chocolate orange. Lots of naughtys. I’d been eyeing up Thorntons
chocolate liquer for weeks so thought bugger it Im enjoying my last day off
plan. Im having today what Ive craved for weeks, months! My grandparents
arrived an hour early so Mr D had to get them settled. We had a large cheese
board, I made homemade sausage rolls, crisps, chicken wings, pizzas and a
chocolate pudding out of the truffles that would not set. A chocolate creamy
bowl of naughtyness!! Everybody arrived and got stuck straight into the buffet.
It started snowing and coming down thick and fast. Mr Ds family had to leave to
make sure they didn’t get stuck here! We had time to play a few games before
everybody else had to do the same. It was a struggle to even get down the road with
no grit everybody was sliding around. I gave everybody goody bags of cheese,
bread and cookies so there wasn’t a crazy amount of things tempting me before
my fresh start tomorrow!!
I squeezed in a extra cookie and thats it done. Ready to be
on plan tomorrow.
27/12/14 Mr D went off to work armed with a load of naughtys
to share with his work buddies. I
started the clear out. Binned some stuff and put the boxes of chocolates away
to use as presents. I had a couple of boiled eggs for breakfast and went out
into the ice to hit the shops! I love sales almost as much as I love Christmas.
I met up with one of my new fat club friends and we strolled around looking at
the bargains. It was a little disappointing I didn’t buy much. I was almost
tempted to go for lunch with the girls (who were not back on plan yet) but was good and went home for some
chicken! Who needs lunch out anyway?! Mr
D came home from work and we enjoyed a nice chicken salad together.
So sad so uneventful.
With the modelling day looming I decided to bleach the ends. I know Im doing exactly what I dont want to do by wrecking my hair with more bleach but what chocie have I got. Well its still fucking green but more on one side than the other! I now have patchy green hair!!!
This is my last Blog. I have completed my Year of blogging
and feel this is a good place to end. Ive enjoyed my few days over Christmas
and have over indulged in places but this is because I’m normal. Who doesn’t
over indulge from time to time? Wants the point in spending months being good
if you cant treat yourself with everybody else at Christmas?
I will carry on with my facebook page 'Diary of a fat bird turning 30' where I will post my food, thoughts and feelings and trying to stay on track! A great place for us to support each other through the highs and lows!
2015 is going to be my year. I know that it will be the year
I finally do this, I finally lose weight. Im in a good place. Ive made some
great new friends and I know i can really do this. Im getting married in August
and hopefully babies wont be too far behind. Thank you for everybodies support
with my Blog. Do what makes you happy. I’ll keep my page going and may even do the
odd Blog from time to time. Good luck for 2015 everybody, lets do this shit!!
